Is a boat a kind of "Man Cave"?

[SURV69]

I find it interesting that women, in general don't like sailing.

So I'm sitting here, looking at pictures of man-caves on a google search and begin wondering if a boat(especially a sailboat), is more a type of man-cave than I ever imagined. I always see images of men on boats, without women and/or kids, but I almost never see images of women on boats without "men".

Could this be why so many boats I see for sale, are because the wife won't come to the boat anymore? I've had so many friends get out of sailing because of their wives(collectively), but I've never heard of a man getting out of sailing despite the wife's continuing interest in sailing.

Or why, when the kids grow up, everyone(except the dad), loses interest in sailing and dad doesn't like doing it solo. In most of the cases I know, the rest of the family includes more than one girl(mom & daughter).

You know . . . men who are into sailing, are into puttering around sailboats about as much as they are into taking the boat out.

So . . . is a sailboat perceived as being . . . our "Man Cave"?

[atoll]

So . . . is a sailboat perceived as being . . . our "Man Cave"? quote

more like a Womb,thats why a boat is called a She,dunno about you but women have an aversion to their men climbing into another womens womb........

[SimonV]

Oh, how I wish......sometimes! and where are all these cushions coming from. Men don't need cushions we have pillows.

[sailorboy1]

I don't feel boats are Man Caves. We don't really allow women in the Man Cave, but we go out of our way to get them onto the boat!

I was talking to my wife the other day trying to find something about maintaining/operating the boat that she could/would take ownership of. In the end I realised the part of the boat she likes best is being a passager.

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by SURV69

I find it interesting that women, in general don't like sailing.

So I'm sitting here, looking at pictures of man-caves on a google search and begin wondering if a boat(especially a sailboat), is more a type of man-cave than I ever imagined. ?

Yes.

I think your post a very good one and soon to be cruisers should think your post through.

Many cruising couples break up during their time at sea. Why?

Normally it's because of the man cave, man dream, macho crap against nature, man hunter Vs woman gatherer, man adventurer Vs woman secure home.

As part of this the woman is not allowed to select the boat. Therefore the man buys a man cave, rips the woman from her security, shoves her off onto some adventure she doesn't want, and expects her to cook on a miserable excuse of an 1890s kitchen, and toilet in a thing not fit for modern humans and definitly designed for men to splash the floor to be cleaned by the woman.

And you wonder why she leaves???????????

Let the woman chose the boat! It's the very least the man can do!



Mark

[sww914]

Clearly.

[In Training]

Mark J -- fantastic response.

[Bash]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Let the woman chose the boat! It's the very least the man can do!

Wise words.

I've written about this many times by way of reflecting on the experience of buying my first liveaboard. I found a used, mid-eighties Swan 41 that was in turn-key condition. Before Wonderblond even made it to the bottom of the companionway she vetoed the proposition. The boat was dark, cramped and poorly ventilated, not a place she wanted to live.

A few weeks later we looked at a brand-new Hunter 410. The boat was light, roomy, and airy. Huge galley, of course. Wonderblond voiced the opinion that this was a boat in which she could live, and I wrote a check that afternoon.

The two boats we looked at had identical price tags. One would have garnered us considerable status while the other garnered a bit of derision, at least from those unfamiliar with my sailing resume. I am convinced that a great deal of the Hunter bashing that goes on in online forums is precisely because the boats tend to be designed to appeal to woman as well as men. It's a couples boat, plain and simple, and some of the "Good 'ol Boys" find such a proposition distasteful.

I'm glad that here on Cruisers Forum we've managed, for the most part, to elevate our discourse beyond the drivel that claims that the old man-cave vessels are inherently superior to modern production boats. At the same time I've noticed that a high percentage of the fellows who prefer the old-school boats happen to be fellows who spend an unusual amount of time singlehanding.

Singlehanding has its appeal, I suppose, but for my part I prefer sharing a berth with a gorgeous sailing partner. I don't need a prestige boat to earn status among my peers, who are far more interested in the number of papers I've published recently. (Three so far this year, thank you very much.) And my name is engraved on a sufficient number of sailing trophies that few are going to think me less of a sailor because I own a Hunter.

The question is not whether you like the man cave. The question is whether you're sleeping alone tonight.

[carstenb]

if you find a woman with a spirit of adventure, she'll like sailing just as much as a man. the usual problem is that the men find a woman who wants a house, volvo and a dog, white picket fence and a couple of kids.

hard to mix those two dreams.....................

[Kettlewell]

Like many stereotypes and generalizations there is some truth to what you say, but it isn't the entire picture. My wife loves sailing and cruising, but likes some aspects better than others. She is not into the boat design, outfitting, and operation much, though she is good at it, but she enjoys the travel, seeing new places, meeting new people, walking the beach, swimming, etc. I have seen a number of couples give up boating, but mainly it is because of the maintenance and/or feeling they are not up to it physically. For whatever reason, the men seem to age out of being able to handle it sooner than their female companions do. I have run into several couples where they wanted to keep going but the man was just not up to it due to some major health issue. I knew I married the right woman when we were getting groceries in the supermarket in Beaufort, NC, and I said, "Let's go to the Caribbean, we can leave tomorrow." And she said, "Sure." And we did.

[CatInHand]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

?

Let the woman chose the boat! It's the very least the man can do!

But I want this one:
Sweetie just fusses about money, or some other such nonsense.

[Cheechako]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Yes.

I think your post a very good one and soon to be cruisers should think your post through.

Many cruising couples break up during their time at sea. Why?

Normally it's because of the man cave, man dream, macho crap against nature, man hunter Vs woman gatherer, man adventurer Vs woman secure home.

As part of this the woman is not allowed to select the boat. Therefore the man buys a man cave, rips the woman from her security, shoves her off onto some adventure she doesn't want, and expects her to cook on a miserable excuse of an 1890s kitchen, and toilet in a thing not fit for modern humans and definitly designed for men to splash the floor to be cleaned by the woman.

And you wonder why she leaves???????????

Let the woman chose the boat! It's the very least the man can do!



Mark

Well put!

[SaltyMonkey]

Let's get real.

Having a woman choose the boat is no guarantee. Your love-cave could easily turn into a man-cave when reality raises a head. An expensive man-cave.

Choose your partner well.

[serah]

My boat is very much my man-cave. Except that I'm a single 31 year old lady living aboard. Calling it my lady-cave just really does not give the right impression.

My ex and I bought a "man-cave" 1976 32' sailboat over two years ago, which was his choice of vessel, not mine. She is dark, poorly ventilated, with a tiny head, no shower when we moved aboard, no oven, and in the midst of major renos at all times, and TINY. More importantly, she did not have the sailing characteristics I was interested in as a lifelong sailor, and casual racer.

Alas, two people living on such a sailboat did not for a happy couple make. Heck, I'm surprised we made it living aboard for two years

Regardless, the lovely old girl is now all mine, projects, headaches and all. The plan remains roughly the same - finish fixing and kitting her up, and sail away to somewhere warm. And until then, there's nowhere I'd rather live right now than my dark, damp man-cave Be wary of the stereotype. I hate cliches, but there is something to be said for "Happy Wife. Happy Life" (though in all fairness, "Happy Husband. Happy Life" applies equally, it just doesn't have the same ring to it.)

The sad lesson here may be that a bit more compromise on boat selection may lead to better chances at "living the dream". Or at least living the dream WITH your chosen significant other.

[serah]

Originally Posted by SaltyMonkey

Let's get real.

Having a woman choose the boat is no guarantee. Your love-cave could easily turn into a man-cave when reality raises a head. An expensive man-cave.

Choose your partner well.

Hear hear. This goes for us ladies as well.