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SailFastTri · 21-10-2012, 18:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by minaret

It peeves me that some of you caused this thread to end this way.

JMHO --
The OP asked for validation and didn't get it. Maybe that's a step in the right direction in realizing the problem is in her mind, not caused by Sue or the boat.

Rocketman · 21-10-2012, 18:28

NiceBoat you are free to open threads, but I don't think it is up to you to close it.

This also show's some issues with control. Do you feel in control?

Let you new husband win this one, you will not rereget it.

Get some profesional help, I say this not in a bad way, it will be the best money you have ever spent.

captain58sailin · 21-10-2012, 18:29

You could try smudging the boat with some sage and drive out the spirit inhabiting the vessel. Plain old sunshine can help the purification.

marthaclark · 21-10-2012, 18:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Don Lucas

Sounds pretty petty to me! Sounds like just an excuse to not sail instead of just saying so.

Heck your husband used to "belong" to the ex, maybe you just don't feel comfortable with him!

Why would you be jealous of anything that used to be part of the old couple, haven't you already won that battle?

Yes, really petty. My guess is you DO NOT WANT TO SAIL. So say so! Stop being a baby! I used to not want to sleep in my husbands camper because he slept there with someone else. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face..

Cruising Couple · 21-10-2012, 18:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rocketman

NiceBoat you are free to open threads, but I don't think it is up to you to close it.

This also show's some issues with control. Do you feel in control?

Let you new husband win this one, you will not rereget it.

Get some profesional help, I say this not in a bad way, it will be the best money you have ever spent.

Wow, the armchair psychology abounds. No control issues here. I just wanted the moderators to know I had accomplished my "issue." There is no win or lose here Rocketman. In fact, I've decided I'm over this. If my husband has an emotional attachment to this boat then he should keep her until it's resolved. For me, it's resolved.

Thanks!

dw5055 · 21-10-2012, 18:44

Tell him to sell the boat!...Period...and get another one.

**Adelie** · 21-10-2012, 18:45

Marriage counselor.

Rakuflames · 21-10-2012, 18:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by NiceBoat

My husband and I were married just a couple of years ago. He has a lovely yacht, nearly 40 ft. The yacht belonged to he and his former wife, whom he divorced. I love to sail, but I am uncomfortable on the yacht. I have finally admitted this to him. It occurs to me that I am uncomfortable on the yacht, because it belonged to "her" ... we will call "her" Sue.

My husband says that Sue did not particularly like to sail and that he did all the maintenance on the boat and that she always complained about going sailing. Nonetheless, Sue and their family took trips on the yacht.

I have tried to make it my home away from home. I have "remodedeled" the yacht as much as possible. We have worked on the her: life lines, bright work, etc. and she looks nice. However, I continue to feel a "heaviness in my spirit" when I'm aboard her. Mind you, Sue is VERY mean and hateful to me. I had nothing to do with the end of their marriage, but she hates me nonetheless. I just don't want to have anything to do with anything that belonged to Sue ... and before you make the comment, my husband really never did belong to Sue

My husband wants me to "get over it" and sail with him. I want him to sell the boat or just sail without me.

PLEASE let's hear from men and women sailors alike and we will go with your opinions. It is unlikely that I will just "get over it." I have asked him to imagine the situation reversed. Before you ask .... no, we don't share a home that comes from a prior marriage. Thank you for your help!

I sympathize with you -- I REALLY do -- but here's the thing. It's really hard work to sell a boat. In today's market your husband is unlikely to get what it would be worth in better times, and so what will he get to replace it?

I suggest you do an exorcism of sorts -- REALLY. Make a POINT of changing the interior. Change the window treatments, the cushion covers, everything. Your husband should give you a very free hand with this. Make it YOURS. You can put artwork and nicknacks up; you just do it differently than you do in a home. Put in little touches that make it yours and his instead of "hers" and his. Paint the head your favorite color -- there's no law the head has to be white.

Then have your husband take you and your three best girlfriends for a weekend sail. Have the drinks you like to have with your friends, and the food you like best.

You put YOUR vibes in that boat and BELIEVE that your vibes will push hers out. It doesn't take nearly as much positive as negative for positive to win.

Don't make him sell the boat. And let her be rude to you. That reflects on her, not you. She' probably very jealous of you and wishes she could be more like you, but she couldn't, and that's why you're with this fine man now instead of her.

"Turn the beat around." You'll be glad you did.

oldragbaggers · 21-10-2012, 18:55

Niceboat, speaking as a woman I just hate to see you give Sue so much power. She made your husband miserable while they were married, and now you have handed her the power to do the same after the divorce. (And I would imagine he also has moments when he wonders if he didn't jump out of the frying pan and right back into the fire.) I would imagine that if she were ever to find and read this thread, knowing that you were the OP, and that she has caused so much contention in your marriage, if she is the mean spirited bee-atch that you say she would probably be delighted. Don't let her have that!! That is is no win situation for you and your husband and in the world of demonic ex-wives it's a huge victory for Sue.

You said you "redecorated." If you haven't already done so, the one thing I would insist on would be a new mattress. Then I would get down inside that boat with a bucket of hot soapy water and clean Sue out of there. Wipe her away, physically get all vestiges of her (and any of her personal belongings that may have been left behind) out of there. And mentally, wipe her out of the boat in your mind too.

Then rechristen that boat by making love to your husband on every vertical surface (no coercion). How could the boat still possibly be hers after that??

You'll have your boat, you'll have your husband and you'll have the power back.

Beautiful 40' boat + woman who loves to sail = happy woman. The only way you don't get that answer is if you add Sue to the equation. She doesn't belong there. But only YOU have the power to take her out of it.

I truly wish you the very best in overcoming this. I think if you can get your mind around this in the proper way you can score a huge victory, both in what it will add to your relationship and also in the adventures that could lie ahead.

Sunchaser · 21-10-2012, 19:04

I met a man who was living on a boat. He had purchased it with his ex-wife. We fell in love and we got married on the front of the boat, and we did burn sage at the ceremony. I never gave her a thought. I was in his life and she wasn't. I was on the boat and she wasn't. We sailed all over the Caribbean and she didn't.
I loved the boat because my husband loved the boat and I loved him. We raised my son of the boat and made hundreds of our own memories.
I know it is so easy to say and much harder to do, but I would I would get her nasty attitude and essence out of my life, and off the boat. She has no appreciation for good men or sailing vessels. If you make your husband sell the boat she wins...............
Let the wind blow in your hair as you are sailing on your boat with your husband.
Nellie

markpierce · 21-10-2012, 19:05

Change the bed mattress, pillows, and sheets.

SailFastTri · 21-10-2012, 19:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldragbaggers

snip

Then rechristen that boat by making love to your husband on every vertical surface (no coercion). How could the boat still possibly be hers after that??

snip.

Great advice. Marriage should be fun.

CCBullseye · 21-10-2012, 19:25

I don't have an answer for you, but I do have two experiences I would like to tell you about I have had in my life.

Before I got married many years ago, I was dating a lady who found herself needing to find a new place to live. She had been renting a house and her housemate was getting married and their lease was expiring. I told her to buy a house and she said she did not have the money for a downpayment and could not afford the payments. I knew differently. The next day, I called her up at work and asked her to meet me at a certain address after work. It was a small starter home which she could get into for what the depoist and first months rent would be to rent something and the payment was less than what she could rent something for. She bought it. I did not have any money directly in the house, but she got into the house because I talked the sellers into kicking in closing cost which would have been a commission to me. I did most of the work on the house for her. A year later, we got married and lived in that house for 9 months. I was never comfortable in that house, I did not feel like it was my home, it was her home, not our home.

Fast forward 20 years and a divorce later, I was living with a lady mostly living in my home, but our first full winter together, almost a year after we first got together, we decided to spend the winter in her house. It was double wide mobile home and was in her ex husband's name. My girl friend owned the land, but her ex owned the house with a DMV title. I felt really comfortable in that house, loved living there, except it was too far from my farm. If it had not been for my farm, I would have enjoyed staying there forever.

So on one hand, I hated living in a house which I had played a big part in purchasing, and on the other hand, I loved living in a house which was still owned by girl friend's ex. I think it all had to do with my ex wife's attitude and my girl friend's attitude and how I reacted to them.

dochueb · 21-10-2012, 19:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by oldragbaggers

Then rechristen that boat by making love to your husband on every vertical surface (no coercion). How could the boat still possibly be hers after that??

I recommend horizontal surfaces for safety sake...but to each his own... ;-)

DH