Go Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

[Stillraining]

Many seem to spout the "Go Now" mantra and a few have in their signature line " When life ebbs away its not the things you have done that you will marvel at but the things you left undone you will regret" or a facsimile of that statement.

Although I haven't felt life's forces slipping away I did receive a potential 5 years to live sentence from my doctors a couple years back.

For me that was not a key note in the Symphony of life to Go Now and fulfill some bucket list but a key note to better my relationships with loved ones and take care of business right where I was at.

To make sure that when that day comes if it does that my wife picks my hand up and tells me I was a good and faithful husband to the end and she could have married none better....that my kids do the same and really mean it when they say I could not have been a better more selfless and loving dad.

To Go Now would be to walk away from all that's important in their lives...to go now would be to walk away to whats important in mine.

No...Going now is not necessarily a good thing...going now is not something I will regret in the future... Because going now is doing exactly what I am doing....

For there was a day not long ago when I was going now to find a girl...going now to get married and going now to have three beautiful daughters..and now today, going now is to provide and nurture what they need and want to do as well not just what I want to do.

Part of myself died when I slipped on my wife's ring, but another better part of me was born.. still another part of self slipped away when we made a decision to have children yet the remaining part received a far greater blessing and joy from it.

Some day I will lie in that bed...some day I will have to look and marvel into those 4 sets of eyes...some day I hope to say...... I did well ....I can go now.

May your days be long and your hearts desires be filled...but if your days are short let the hearts of others be filled with your love...Lord make it so...Amen

Go Now!

[Wotname]

Thank you for this post

[bloodhunter]

Very well said

[hummingway]

That was beautiful. Your good cheer on this forum has been well appreciated by this member, and I'm sure many more, and I wish for you many healthy and fufilling years.

[DeepFrz]

Beautiful indeed. Thank you.

[Charlie]

That helps. For those of us who want to go now but have children, or other responsibilities, that post really helps.

[imagine2frolic]

Stillraining,

Your family like Charlie's are lucky to have you 2. I bet if your families were all aboard for the cruise. You would both go now, and be in bliss. We all have different situations, and get through life differently. I admire you both deeply in your decisions to put family first. Your time is coming.........i2f

[Southern Star]

A beautiful post by a man who has his priorities truly sorted out. Sorry to hear about your prognosis - although I think your approach is right on the money. What you need RIGHT NOW (AND in the future), is the love and respect of those who you love. Lets face it, the medical profession is often wrong - calculating any persons shelf-life is pretty much a fools game. On the other hand, what is certain is the importance of your love for your wife and children and, the rewards you receive for supporting them. For you, the view of those "four sets of eyes" is more beautiful than any vista on any sea, or in any harbour.

Here's to hoping that you can have it all. But if not, its nice to see someone who is not merely resigned to fulfilling the obligations of his current circumstance, but thankful for the opportunity.

Your words here have really resonated with me. As I had mentioned in a recent post, I had been planning on leaving work last year to sail south, finish construction on a very small 'boutique' beachfront resort I am buidling on Isla Margarita and then, once it was up and running, taking off across the Atlantic for a year cruising europe and..... As I said in that post, life intervened and I have become invovled with (and since last March, engaged to) a wonderful woman. We put off departure for another year, in large part to allow her to remain in Canada to provide support for her youngest daughter, who was scheduled to start college.

Well, life has intervened once again - her daughter took the year off from school, although she is now scheduled to attend this coming fall (and having paid a deposit on residence etc., now seems committed to going). So, to ensure that mom is nearby in case she suffers the typical problems of homesickness, etc. on her first year away from home, I had pretty much decided to delay my (our) departure by another year.

In the course of calculating the difference to my pension by working longer, I have discovered that if I continue working for another four years, my pension will be 80K year, rather than than the 33 and change I would have received if I had left this year! That is a pretty significant difference ( if I live to my father's age, let alone my mothers, about 1.5 million $). Do I need the money? Not really. Fortunately, I also have a small RSP (a little over 400 K) and I anticipate making money on my venture down south (hard not to as it will be mortgage free and there are no property taxes on the island).

So, do I stay four more years? If I were still alone, the decision would be easy. But while I don't really need the money, I also have to think of my fiance, who is only 37 and who would be entitled to that pension should I (when I?) pre-decease her. I do know that I love this woman immensely and have no doubt about her love for (nor her support of) me.

What is more important - satisfying my urges NOW, or remaining for four more years in order to provide some short-term comfort and long-term security for her? And then it hit me while I was reading your post - it isn't just for her.

My fiance is giving up a terrific career to join me on this adventure. She will be separating herself from her family, friends and most imporantly, her two children. Understand, that even in four years, her youngest will only be 21. Experience with my own son (soon to be 24), makes clear that even after her first year away from home, she will likely still be needing her mom's support, from time to time. Understand too, that in spite of this, my fiance is NOT urging me to stay; in fact, she didn't want me to delay my 'dream' even for this year, let alone any longer.

She is willing to risk everything for a life with me. And I......well, I am still in a state of shock that for the second time in my life, I have been blessed to find someone who I can, without hesitation, describe as the light of my life (my first died from breast cancer 5 years ago this May). I am blessed to have her and her children in my life. And in the final analysis, working another four years to ensure her financial security is not a sacrifice at all. The alternative - the possibility that I could leave her short on money, is something I cannot even contemplate. Rather, the rewards of doing this small thing for her, even though (or perhaps especially since) she is not asking for it, is precisely what I NEED RIGHT NOW.

Thank-you Stillraining, for your words have crystalized my own thoughts and priorities. I am going to stay.

Brad

[Jim D]

This original post does indeed say in a most elegant way, the idea that I lamely tried to write in a recent thread about boredom while cruising. Over there I wrote that there were many things I wanted to do in addition to sailing and cruising, and to go off cruising I would get "antsy" over the things I was taking myself away from.

That thread went off in the direction of many people saying they couldn't get bored while cruising because there was always so much to do on and around the boat. Stillraining's opening writing here puts it all right back where I had intended to steer that other discussion. Perhaps it wasn't quite appropriate for me to introduce my ideas over there, but this one is spot on.

Like others have said above, thank you for such an eloquent bit of writing.

Jim


~~~

[AK_sailor]

Stillraining

Your thoughts are spot on. Loving and being loved are essential to a balanced life. Good luck to you sir, in all things!

[atoll]

rice & beans catch your own fish,it is still possible to have peace of mind and go sailing on under $300 dollars a month,it just costs alot of money to leave..........

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Stillraining

Many seem to spout the "Go Now" mantra and a few have in their signature line " When life ebbs away its not the things you have done that you will marvel at but the things you left undone you will regret" or a facsimile of that statement.

If yer lucky (or smart? ) some times in life yer get to look around and realise that what you've got is as good as it will likely be getting. and whilst maybe not perfect it's pretty damned good

4 sets of eyes looking at the close? That'll be better than most Unfortunately the only scenario I can see that happening in my case is if some b#astards get me pinned down in a crossfire

[jkleins]

You are right. There is a meme out there that people on their death bed never say "they wish they had more days to work" or something to that effect. I have resisted telling people my experience is also that dying people very seldom say anything to the effect of "I wish I had gone cruising" either.

The things the people I have seen regret are almost always about family. Not spending enough time, not doing something they should have, not seeing someone enough, etc. Cruising takes some away from the things that are the most important to them while for others it brings them together with those very things. "Just do it" is a great Nike ad slogan but for cruising sailors there is a lot more to think about then that.

You put it very nicely. Thanks.

Jim

[daddle]

No. "Just do it" is all it takes. I have a child. A family. It takes a big personal effort to push through all the reasons not to go. My answer to all the blocks my mind and family come up with is "Just do it." Seems to work out just fine.

As far as the boat list. If it's not working on the day you leave just tape it up or store it in the garage. Honestly, unless it's the basic rig, hull, compass or rudder what's the big deal? It's going to break along the way regardless.

"Oh, wait, I need to varnish the toerail and it's raining today."

[Morganministry]

Still Raining,
That was very well said. Thanks.

Scott