Cruisers Who Fail...

[sailorboy1]

"Once you get out there you see many a boat where the couple is not in total agreement about cruising. In most cases it's the wife or female partner that doesn't like it." and the comments similar....this is my biggest fear! My "dream" is different than the sailing magnazine covers as my hope to start with was that I didn't hate sailing. This is why I try to get more input from "what women want".

Mark - your story just bummed me out! To think that someone commited sucide because they couldn't face 'THE BOAT' anymore is truely sad. Even sadder is that in the boating community one should never feel so alone that you come to such a thing as overall I find boaters afriendier group than in the "real world".

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by sweetsailing

I do wonder with all this planning and dreaming...what if "the day" comes and our road takes a hard left? Is all my planning for not? .

Plan less. Enjoy more.

Someone on this boat gets a blank page and divi's it up into weeks and days and marks Today and then fills in where we guess we will be in a month; where we might be in a week and what we could do on Tuesday.
Come Tuesday there is an argument about why we are not doing what the plan says!

No we have ripped up that plan and are much happier

However: be careful with the line: We have no plan and are sticking to it! No plan means not getting anywhere at all! There must be something

"all in the anticipation of "the day" when the dream becomes a reality. "
Instead of planning like our sheet of paper, maybe you should be goal setting and focusing on reducing the time to reach that goal.

There is one of those crappy 'self help' books that has worked for me to make us get here. Its a video called The Secret http://www.the secret.tv (remove the space between "the" and "secret" I dont want to give them a free link)
You have to filter out all the horse manure its filled with, but the essential bit about goal setting is perfect. It really does give tools to turn dream seeking into reality achieving.

All the best : and we will see you out here when you decide to turn your dream to reality

Mark
PS I just watched the trailer to The Secret ... it really is a load of hogwash... LOL but they have to fillout a one sentince idea

[Tom Spohn]

"Wherever you go there you are!" Yes, yes I know this a a bit of a joke, but there is some truth to it afterall. We are who we are no matter what we are doing or where we are. People can change, but normally do so very slowly. If there are issues in one's life before sailing off into the sunset, there will be issues on the boat as well. Bottom line--don't depend on the sailing life to fix basic personal problems.

The discussion reminds me of friends who weren't getting along and decided to have a baby to fix things. Guess What--they had problems after the birth of the baby as well. Or folks that can't agree on how to raise the kids, so they divorce and, guess what--they still have the problem of agreeing on how to raise the kids!

[imagine2frolic]

what if the day comes and our road takes a hard left......

Well you get up, and dust yourself off. Take a look around, and then pull up your bootstraps, and continue on. Life is a constant challenge, and lesson. When you stop learning, and give up.....it's over.

You have already had challenges in your life. This will be one more. Cruising is kind of like eating liver. If you don't like it....spit it out....get off the boat, but that doesn't mean life stops. If every decision I made weas right. My life would be a lot different. I would be 20 lbs. lighter, tons of retirement money, and no worry wrinkles on me about life........i2f

[thinwater]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

And in real life too... a few months ago some dude decided I needed to be shown how to coil a line. I just really wanted to be able to say.... ahh yes, I learned that on my first circumnavigation....
And if I have a tough time, Nicolle has it worse...


I have never thought failure is about the lack of long passages or circumnavigations. Mind you, some people could do with the experience of a good long one. Once you have done an 500 miler, then 100 miles is a walk in the park. That sort of thing.


Failure must be more than just making ones mind up about what is comfortable for them in their 'adventure'. It must involve an 'emotional death' where, like the protagonist in a movie, they are physically and mentally on the ropes. The Hollywood hero, in the next scene, overcomes all. The failure in real life does not.

So what if someone says: Oh, I dreamed about it but once I got out here for 6 months I just got bored! So I went home and got a fun job. Is that failure? No. Its just realisation. Failure is where the person is forced to go on against their will because of financial constraints, or worse, pride....

He had a great adventure, can say to himself he did what he set out to do - most of it and all of the important parts - and now he has a fun job. Perfection.

[Christian Van H]

These are some of the best responses I have ever read on this forum. I want to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to post. It's obvious that there is a tremendous amount of real life cruising experience weighing in on this one. I knew going in that there would be very few first person responses coming from this bunch, but hoped that you've picked up a few stories of less than perfect dream cruises along the way.

With your permission, I'd like to take you to a current blog from an actual member of this forum who recently had a pretty bad experience, but one I believe they will recover nicely from...please see here: Voyages: October 27, 2009 Charleston, SC...

This is not posted to be dissected by our team of forensic sailing pathologists (which could kill this thread)...it's used here as an example of a real life experience that could possibly end a dream. These particular cruisers are tough though, and no doubt will bounce back with gusto.

[Paul L]

Originally Posted by Christian Van H

...
With your permission, I'd like to take you to a current blog from an actual member of this forum who recently had a pretty bad experience, but one I believe they will recover nicely from...please see here: Voyages: October 27, 2009 Charleston, SC...

This is not posted to be dissected by our team of forensic sailing pathologists (which could kill this thread)...it's used here as an example of a real life experience that could possibly end a dream. These particular cruisers are tough though, and no doubt will bounce back with gusto.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Paul

[maxingout]

As we sailed across the Pacific, we noticed that there were certain people always having problems. I remember one yacht that drove his boat up on a coral head in Riatea when he went down to brew coffee. The same boat took a knockdown and bent the boom on the main while sailing to Tonga. The same boat capsized with the floorboard coming out and hitting a crewmember in the head while sailing in the higher latitudes for Tahiti from New Zealand.

Folks like this are not situationally aware, and lighting keeps striking them again and again.

I don't think everyone is mentally suited for sailing. They have a deficiency in situational awareness, and they can't look ahead and see the consequences of the choices they make. When these people stop sailing, they are doing themselves and the rest of the world a favor.

[Stillraining]

Originally Posted by maxingout

As we sailed across the Pacific, we noticed that there were certain people always having problems. I remember one yacht that drove his boat up on a coral head in Riatea when he went down to brew coffee. The same boat took a knockdown and bent the boom on the main while sailing to Tonga. The same boat capsized with the floorboard coming out and hitting a crewmember in the head while sailing in the higher latitudes for Tahiti from New Zealand.

Folks like this are not situationally aware, and lighting keeps striking them again and again.

I don't think everyone is mentally suited for sailing. They have a deficiency in situational awareness, and they can't look ahead and see the consequences of the choices they make. When these people stop sailing, they are doing themselves and the rest of the world a favor.

Come-on....we know you have film...cough it up....

[AK_sailor]

Originally Posted by Christian Van H

These are some of the best responses I have ever read on this forum. I want to thank each and every one of you .....

This is an awesome thread! I've really been enjoying reading it. At the moment I'm a mere "coastal cruiser" (ah yes, but what a coast I have to cruise!) and not sure if I'll ever want more. But then again....I guess I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

There are many adventures in life if one is open to them. Fascinating to read the various views.

Originally Posted by Christian Van H

... dissected by our team of forensic sailing pathologists ....

Here here! While I like to read and learn from the mistakes of others, all too many threads seem to degenerate into nit picking analysis of minutiae, and appear to be more an attempt to reinforce the egos of the nit pickers, rather than to provide any real learnings for others.

Good job Christian in getting this one started!

[sandinmytea]

Originally Posted by maxingout

Folks like this are not situationally aware, and lighting keeps striking them again and again.

I don't think everyone is mentally suited for sailing. They have a deficiency in situational awareness, and they can't look ahead and see the consequences of the choices they make. When these people stop sailing, they are doing themselves and the rest of the world a favor.

Situational awareness is the biggest thing, I feel. I volunteer taking teenagers sailing (the variety that would otherwise probably not sail). I enjoy the lazy reality of sailing, but they simply enjoy a lazy reality!

I've had to explain numerous times, that there is this blessed variety of laziness that means having this one eye open, sharply tuned on the potential dangers and mishaps, that keeps everyone and everything within the "safe zone". I haven't sailed enough just yet to test out whether my situational awareness is up to par to safely cruise away a lifetime, but I'd like to think I honor its importance.

If there's anything that will keep me from cruising successfully, I think it will be my laziness OFF of the boat! Great thread!

[Christian Van H]

Originally Posted by maxingout

Folks like this are not situationally aware, and lighting keeps striking them again and again.

This is something I've also observed again and again. An example: On my first trip down the intercoastal, I was drug down on one night during a blow. The offending boat was a Nonsuch 30, and she hit me hard enough to ding my stainless sprit. I jumped out of my bunk and ran up on deck, attempting to fend off while pounding on her hull to wake up the captain. It was blowing over 40, and holding us apart was no easy feat. After about 5 min. I had given up on anyone coming up on deck on the Nonsuch, and was seriously considering cutting her free, when up pops the captain demanding to know what I had done. Sarcastically I told him I had drug up on him and rammed his stern. He believed me. A month and a half later I saw this same boat again down in Florida. She was high and dry up on the rocks of an inlet. Lighting keeps striking them again and again...

"Good luck is the willing handmaid of a upright and energetic character, and conscientious observance of duty." - James Russell Lowell

[sneuman]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Plan less. Enjoy more.

Someone on this boat gets a blank page and divi's it up into weeks and days and marks Today and then fills in where we guess we will be in a month; where we might be in a week and what we could do on Tuesday.
Come Tuesday there is an argument about why we are not doing what the plan says!

No we have ripped up that plan and are much happier

However: be careful with the line: We have no plan and are sticking to it! No plan means not getting anywhere at all! There must be something

"all in the anticipation of "the day" when the dream becomes a reality. "
Instead of planning like our sheet of paper, maybe you should be goal setting and focusing on reducing the time to reach that goal.

There is one of those crappy 'self help' books that has worked for me to make us get here. Its a video called The Secret http://www.the secret.tv (remove the space between "the" and "secret" I dont want to give them a free link)
You have to filter out all the horse manure its filled with, but the essential bit about goal setting is perfect. It really does give tools to turn dream seeking into reality achieving.

All the best : and we will see you out here when you decide to turn your dream to reality

Mark
PS I just watched the trailer to The Secret ... it really is a load of hogwash... LOL but they have to fillout a one sentince idea

It's funny you mention The Secret. A friend gave it to me and I put off trying to read it for months. Finally, after a constant barrage of "did you read that book yet" I tried it just the other night. You're right, it's dreadful.

[Christian Van H]

Originally Posted by sneuman

You're right, it's dreadful.

To save us the trouble, could you just tell us the secret?

[sneuman]

Originally Posted by Christian Van H

To save us the trouble, could you just tell us the secret?

Apparently by thinking positive thoughts you attract positive "energy" or some sort.

I do agree that thinking positively is good for your psyche, but that seems rather self-evident.