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23-01-2025, 17:12
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#1
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Registered User
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 137
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Considering bringing wife's father on charter
My wife's mom recently passed and her 80 year-old dad has since expressed interest in going on a charter with us. We would love to share the sailing experience with him. Our kids (17-24) would probably accompany us so it could be a special bonding event for the whole family.
He is moderately active for a guy his age, doing quite a bit of outside work around the house and occasionally still getting out to hunt and fish - though not as often and as aggressively as he used to. That said, at 80 years old he isn't able to maneuver as well and doesn't have the balance as he did 10+ years ago. Like many older men he has let himself go a bit, but he intends to get into better shape in general. And if we move forward and schedule this it might be an additional impetus for him to do so. It's worth mentioning too that he had polio as a child so is slightly limited with one of his arms. Although that hasn't been materially restrictive to him anywhere else in his life, it could possibly affect his ability to climb a swim ladder or hold onto a rail while moving about the boat.
My obvious concern would be keeping him on the boat in the first place and getting him back on in the event he went overboard. As mentioned just above, I'm not sure he could climb a swim ladder unassisted - especially with any reasonable amount of swell. I think we'd want some sort of way to assist /hoist him onto the boat if necessary. Other than that, I would just want him to be able to move around safely and comfortably and not be stuck sitting in the saloon while underway - or even while anchored or moored in anything but benign conditions.
If we attempt this we are thinking a cat would definitely make sense - ideally with a door to the bow such as a Leopard to make it easy for him to go forward. Also, we'd probably look to charter in Croatia, the Ionians, or somewhere else where we would often be med-moored and thus easier to get on and off the boat. And probably finding a good inflatable PFD for him to wear anytime we are underway would be sensible.
Still, I would hate to organize this charter and have it be a bust (or worse) for him so looking for personal experience/advice for those who have done something similar. I know there are plenty of sailors who are approaching or even over 80 years old, but they are often in great shape and have a lot of experience being on a boat. Thoughts on where to charter, specific boats to charter, strategies/techniques that could help, and whether or not it's a good idea in general all appreciated. Obviously, there would be risks that could not be mitigated and we would need to go in knowing that. But I also think it could be an amazing experience for him - and for us to have him with us on a charter.
Thanks!
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23-01-2025, 17:38
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#2
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Moderator
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: aboard, in Tasmania, Australia
Boat: Sayer 46' Solent rig sloop
Posts: 29,958
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
What a tough problem! Good luck with it, to both of you.
When I was 80, I could have come along, but all 80 yr. olds are not nearly all the same! And I think accepting and honoring one's age-related inabilities is very difficult, so many folks avoid it. If you have any sailing friends, nearby, perhaps you could arrange a day sail or a 1/2 day sail with him with just them and you and your father-in-law. Both you and he need a realistic assessment.
Give him a chance to board the dinghy via the boarding ladder, see how you feel about his efforts. As skipper of the charter, you have a special duty of care for him, so both of you need to be there for the attempts. You can bring a proper harness with a proper beaver tail, or a float coat similarly equipped, so you can always hoist him back aboard with a jib - or the main halyard - should his damaged arm lack the necessary strength.
If you both agree that he'll be okay, you will still want to pack some line to use for man-ropes, if he can actually utilize them.
Blessings on the endeavour. It is a very generous thing to do, if it can be done.
Ann
__________________
Who scorns the calm has forgotten the storm.
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23-01-2025, 19:26
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#3
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: EC
Boat: Cruising Catamaran
Posts: 1,414
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
Leopards generally have pretty good set ups for dinghies with low wide platform sugar scoops, hand rails etc. Getting into the dinghy do the bum shuffle, sit on the scoop put feet in dinghy and slide in. Getting out of dinghy, much the same in reverse - sit on dinghy tube shuffle across, dinghy should be pulled in hard to the scoop.
An inflatable PFD with a harness tether ring would be useful in a dire situation as this can be used to hoist people aboard, usuing either brute force if he is light enough or a snap hook attached to a halyard, or a specific 3:1 block and tackle tied to say a cockpit staunchion, boom block, solar arch etc.
Travel insurance may be an issue.
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23-01-2025, 19:56
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#4
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Registered User
Join Date: May 2020
Location: Warwick NY
Boat: Belliure 41
Posts: 869
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
A number of years ago, I took my aged mother sailing. She was almost 90 years old and not very mobile at all. She had wanted to come sail on my boat for a long time but due to many reasons, it had never been in the carss. But finally it was possible to try. She was reluctant given she felt she would be a "burden". I talked with my brother and we figured out how we could get her on and off and finally convinced her to come. We had to carry her on and off. It was a great sail! It was, however, only a day sail. We all left very happy and my mother was beaming!
I would suggest you talk with your family and see how everyone feels and work up whatever plan you all feel may be necessary. Above all, enjoy it to the fullest extent possible. The chance may never come again.
dj
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23-01-2025, 20:46
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#5
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Registered User
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 648
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
I've never used a passerelle which I think is generally required for med mooring. Will he be able to safely cross without risk of falling and hitting something hard?
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23-01-2025, 21:14
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#6
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Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Great Neck, N.Y.
Boat: Lancer 30, Little Jumps
Posts: 836
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
Quote:
Originally Posted by capnmatt
He is moderately active for a guy his age, doing quite a bit of outside work around the house and occasionally still getting out to hunt and fish - though not as often and as aggressively as he used to. That said, at 80 years old he isn't able to maneuver as well and doesn't have the balance as he did 10+ years ago. Like many older men he has let himself go a bit, but he intends to get into better shape in general. And if we move forward and schedule this it might be an additional impetus for him to do.
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I day sail and coastal cruise, a week at a time (buddy boats, each single hand) with my friend who is approaching 80.
He single hands his 36 ft boat, often with just roller furling jib just fine, although he does not sail at night.
Decent condition, moderately active... Think key to your father in laws successful cruise is for him to follow thru with conditioning, getting into shape so he is not impacted by sudden increase in physical demands, activity.
Make it a condition of coming along.
Going on a day sail would be excellent.
__________________
hugosalt
s/v Little Jumps
Lancer 30
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24-01-2025, 03:51
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#7
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Registered User
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: SE Asia, for now
Boat: Outremer 55L
Posts: 4,164
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
A cat is definitely more user friendly for mobility challenged people. If your father can travel by air then he can manage to get on and off a cat. The platform is stable, generally one level (with a regular staircase into the hulls) and there is realistically zero chance of him going into the water when he doesn’t plan to. He doesn’t need to get into shape for the boat, if he can manage around the house and street at home he’ll be able to manage on the boat. It’s not as if you’ll be asking him to hoist the mainsail, sheet the genoa, or jump ashore with a mooring line. All he needs to do during the charter is sit in a comfy spot and get his drink refilled regularly. That’s what the grand kids can do for him.
The most challenging parts will be climbing in and out of the water for swimming and snorkeling and getting in and out of the dinghy. If he can manage his own baths and going to the local swimming pools he should be just fine as is.
10 years ago we charted a Leopard 40 in Raiatea for 12 days with my 72 year old mom, her 81 year old best friend, my wife, and our three teen aged kids. We all had a blast.
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24-01-2025, 03:57
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#8
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Senior Cruiser

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PORTUGAL
Posts: 31,275
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
I think his biggest challenge will be moving about the boat at sea.. cats have a sharp back and forth sideways movement that is hard to predict.
I can move about a mono comfortably even in bad weather but find a cats movement uncomfortable and unsettling especially doing deck work and moving from saloon into hulls has led to slipping on the steps several times.
Luckily no serious injuries to date, apart from a bruised butt..
__________________

You can't oppress a people for so many decades and have them say.. "I Love You.. ".
"It is better to die standing proud, than to live a lifetime on ones knees.."
Self Defence is no excuse for Genocide...
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24-01-2025, 04:17
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#9
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Moderator

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Denmark (Winter), Cruising North Sea and Baltic (Summer)
Boat: Cutter-Rigged Moody 54
Posts: 35,232
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
I would simply adapt the cruise plan to his limitations -- short passages only (2-3 hours max) and only in good weather, spend all nights on a dock somewhere so he can get on and off, not at anchor. If he can walk without a cane and go up and down stairs, he can sit in a cockpit and go back and forth between cockpit and salon.
My own dad was still sailing his boat single handed and anchoring at 85, and in his 90's was nailing plywood sheets to his windows before a hurricane. I realize people age differently, but an 80 year old in reasonable health is not inherently impossible on a boat.
__________________
"You sea! I resign myself to you also . . . . I guess what you mean,
I behold from the beach your crooked inviting fingers,
I believe you refuse to go back without feeling of me;
We must have a turn together . . . . I undress . . . . hurry me out of sight of the land,
Cushion me soft . . . . rock me in billowy drowse,
Dash me with amorous wet . . . . I can repay you."
Walt Whitman
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24-01-2025, 04:39
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#10
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: EC
Boat: Cruising Catamaran
Posts: 1,414
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
Quote:
Originally Posted by boatman61
I think his biggest challenge will be moving about the boat at sea.. cats have a sharp back and forth sideways movement that is hard to predict.
I can move about a mono comfortably even in bad weather but find a cats movement uncomfortable and unsettling especially doing deck work and moving from saloon into hulls has led to slipping on the steps several times.
Luckily no serious injuries to date, apart from a bruised butt..
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It is a charter not an ocean crossing. I doubt they will venture out if true wind is >15 knots - in which case he will sit down for the couple of hours between stops in the protected cockpit. The challenge may be if he needs to visit the head and I can't imagine anything much more difficult in a heeled over monohull, he likely would not even make it from cockpit to cabin, let alone the head.
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24-01-2025, 04:55
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#11
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Senior Cruiser

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: PORTUGAL
Posts: 31,275
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tin Tin
It is a charter not an ocean crossing. I doubt they will venture out if true wind is >15 knots - in which case he will sit down for the couple of hours between stops in the protected cockpit. The challenge may be if he needs to visit the head and I can't imagine anything much more difficult in a heeled over monohull, he likely would not even make it from cockpit to cabin, let alone the head.
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I am aware of that, I read the OP.. 
Just pointing out something he should bear in mind and be prepared for, not make the assumption many do that cats are like solid ground coz they're flat..
__________________

You can't oppress a people for so many decades and have them say.. "I Love You.. ".
"It is better to die standing proud, than to live a lifetime on ones knees.."
Self Defence is no excuse for Genocide...
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24-01-2025, 06:35
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#12
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Registered User
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: 5 Mile River
Boat: Bristol 41.1 Keep on Dancin'
Posts: 863
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
Have him go with you. It will work out. Look at all the out of shape people who charter and survive. Worse that can happen is he stays on the boat if water is rough at a location and it is difficult to for anyone the get in and out of the dinghy. YOLO….you only live once
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24-01-2025, 06:45
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#13
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Moderator
Join Date: May 2014
Boat: Shuttleworth Advantage
Posts: 2,800
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
Quote:
Originally Posted by leecea
I've never used a passerelle which I think is generally required for med mooring. Will he be able to safely cross without risk of falling and hitting something hard?
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For those not familiar with Med Mooring and passerelles they can be steep depending on the height of the quay and quite daunting even for able bodied. A fixed or collapsible hand rail (or rails) will be a necessity.
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24-01-2025, 07:17
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#14
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Registered User
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: Vancouver B.C.Canada
Boat: Century Raven 17'
Posts: 446
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
Balance would be key I think. If he is able to get his sea legs working it will be a lot easier and he won't end up seasick and miserable. A fall at 80 can breaks hips and such, not good.
Take him on a day sail before the big event and see how he fairs. He may choose to pass on it himself if it is not comfortable.
He may also fall in love with it, and it will be a memory forever after.
Best of luck, it is amazing you are considering it.
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24-01-2025, 07:28
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#15
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Moderator
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Rhode Island/Florida USA
Posts: 3,372
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Re: Considering bringing wife's father on charter
This seems like a lot of manufactured stress on your part.
There is no reason for him to go forward while you're underway.
Anchorages and moorings won't be THAT rough.
'Sitting in the saloon??" He's not a dog! Sit him down in the cockpit while you're sailing. Better yet, stick him behind the wheel.
Even with limited mobility, I see no reason (Correction) NOT to bring him.....unless you're looking for reasons not to bring him (which it sounds like you are).
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