Comfort Levels on the Water

[David_Old_Jersey]

Not being funny - but how about letting him go out sailing with the others, but without you? One of the benefits of being in a class of newbies is that "you" are not the only one to be unsure or have concerns (the fact he may know more than most others being a seperate matter)....it is good that he can share his concerns with you, but to get over them perhaps being forced(?!) to deal with them (by being in the company of strangers) might be a better way. or at least worth a go.

But I appreciate that confidence is a funny thing. Given your description of his other activities would seem that insufficient control over events might have a part to play - catch 22. Get comfortable and the confidence will follow - enjoyment can come later (followed by the real scary stuff!).

Anyway, hope things go well.

[TeddyDiver]

Don't you have a lot of nice beaches around, perfect for sailboarding. Best way to gain self confidence for sailing IMHO

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by deckofficer

Sara,

Don't worry, himself will adopt "the wind is his friend" on that first passage that takes you from 10*N to 10*S.

Note to non-Californians: these are expressways.

[ohdrinkboy]

Sounds like you are making progress. My wife had a big fear of sailing and harnessing the wind. For the first year, I told her not to worry about sailing, but just go for the ride and get used to riding on the boat. Then sent her to sailing school without me. Afterwards, I let her be the captain and the only time I would overrule her was in the case of immediate danger to the crew or boat.

It was hard for me to give up control and shut up, but it was the best way for her to learn and grow. Otherwise she would feel like she was always doing it incorrectly. Reality is there are lots of ways to get it done.

Fair winds.

[Boulter]

Originally Posted by sarafina

"The wind is your friend."

My wife would disagree, especially after eating beans.

This whole thread is interesting because I wonder how it will go for us when we wrangle ourselves onto OPBs this summer. Or how it will go when I give her some basic instruction in our dingy.

Boulter

[deckofficer]

Sara,

I know the bay area isn't a hot spot for cats, but do you have any friends with a cruising cat that you and he could sail with them? I only mention this because of his past auto racing. Being on a heel and not in a turn has to be un-nerving to a guy that feels fine with the G's from cranking and banking in a race course. What do you think? His acceptance of sailing might be just the issue of sailing on the lean?

[sarafina]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Not being funny - but how about letting him go out sailing with the others, but without you?

insufficient control over events might have a part to play - catch 22.

I think ya have it pegged D. He HATES not being in control... lol

And The Plan is for him to mostly sail without me. That way he will really have to "do it"!

Originally Posted by TeddyDiver

Don't you have a lot of nice beaches around, perfect for sailboarding. Best way to gain self confidence for sailing IMHO

ROTFLMAO.... *wiping the tears from my eyes* Oh jeeze. Thank you I always appreciate a good laugh.

I was just trying to picture my guy (64) trying to master sailboarding.

But I DO appreciate the suggestion. In general windsurfing and small boat sailing is in my opinion the finest way to learn how to sail. It's how I did it ; -)

Originally Posted by ohdrinkboy

Sounds like you are making progress. Reality is there are lots of ways to get it done.

Sounds like you found a good one for your lady! That ploy did not work for Himself. Sitting with nothing to do just allowed his (VERY) fertile imagination to run amok. But I feel we are making progress. The relatively calm waters of the estuary, the similarity to our own boat and above all the calm confident leadership of Mary Swan look to be the the package that lets him move thru his barriers.

Originally Posted by deckofficer

Sara,

I know the bay area isn't a hot spot for cats, but do you have any friends with a cruising cat that you and he could sail with them? I only mention this because of his past auto racing. Being on a heel and not in a turn has to be un-nerving to a guy that feels fine with the G's from cranking and banking in a race course. What do you think? His acceptance of sailing might be just the issue of sailing on the lean?

I think that the heeling/banking issue is a HUGE deal. Which makes no sense to me. I don't even notice the heel while he is looking over the side to see how far up the water has come... But what I notice really doesn't have anything to do with it. I confess that I have found his struggle a mystery. I think that you and D have pretty much got it. He feels out of control in an environment that is unfamiliar. I have been on the water since I was a baby so I can't really really relate, just try to sympathize.

And no we don't know anyone with a cat. I think he would love it.

You all should know that one of the good things about the community feed back here is, as he and I read it, he feels somewhat relieved to see how many folks struggle with the same deal. I think he is sorta mystifyed by it himself!

[deckofficer]

Sara,

I would have never mentioned a cat because of the on-going debates here on CF, mono vs multi, but I put myself in his race shoes. Carving the apex of a corner just right, rolling on throttle through the exit to keep things pointed the way you wanted, is a feeling that you as a passenger in his race car on the track may not feel too comfortable with. I'm certain the physical feedback he gets when racing makes perfect sense to him, and how much more he can push that same turn again. The feedback he gets sailing is just plain counter to what he knows is right.

I hope someone in the area that we are in or at least a days drive pops in and invites you and him for a sail on their cat. Who knows, maybe he'll take to a cat, and you all live happily (on the level) ever after.

[David M]

Dan has an excellent point about couples getting into different boats, for a number of reasons. I worked for a sailing school in Berkeley in the 80's and back then they did not allow couples in the same boat for lessons.

[JayCall]

Sara-even though we are trawlerers (a new word?), my wife took a long time to feel any confidence in the boat itself. Once she realized that that worst that could happen is that the boat sink, and then realized that (1) boats are not very good at sinking, and (2) everything we do has the ultimate goal of keeping us from sinking, she has turned out fine. She can now take a 50 ton, 58' trawler and turn it in almost its own length and park it in a 60' spot without hitting anything. Her growth in confidence over several years has been great to see!

Tell Himself that once he sees you on a perfectly still night, in the moonlight, 100 miles offshore, he may never want to see land again!

[sailorboy1]

Heck both myself and my wife still get lots of moments when we get nervous about the wind. And for some reason it happens on different days. So we just stick to a rule of when one of us gets there, we reef! We see no reason to push, but there we aren't in much of a hurry most of the time. Maybe Himself just needs some cruiser time!

[jm21]

My wife's first real sail was on my parent's boat...my dad promised he would take it easy and sold the whole thing as gently introducing her to sailing...but then the wind picked up to a decent clip and the toerail was in the water...everyone hanging off the side to shift weight....my mom, who has been sailing with my dad for several decades was white-knuckle scared gripping the main sheet...my wife was laughing a bit and commented that it was just like in the sailboat magazines. Seemed very comfortable.

I don't know if that's a really good sign or what, but definitely surprising...

I have not enough fear, particularly when sailing, and was kind of expecting her to hold me back...now not so sure.

But a lot better than the guy my dad bought his boat from...sank about $50k into the boat and turned out his wife didn't like sailing...too risky...and the guy had a reef in the main on the sea trial with about 5 knots of wind....

[DJBrookster]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Not being funny - but how about letting him go out sailing with the others, but without you? One of the benefits of being in a class of newbies is that "you" are not the only one to be unsure or have concerns (the fact he may know more than most others being a seperate matter)....it is good that he can share his concerns with you, but to get over them perhaps being forced(?!) to deal with them (by being in the company of strangers) might be a better way. or at least worth a go.

But I appreciate that confidence is a funny thing. Given your description of his other activities would seem that insufficient control over events might have a part to play - catch 22. Get comfortable and the confidence will follow - enjoyment can come later (followed by the real scary stuff!).

Anyway, hope things go well.

+1 here. Also like to add ,be careful that it is not you that is becoming the problem pushing too hard. Let him find the comfort without pressure. If he reads your posts he may feel demoralised. Wish you both all the best.

[markpierce]

My GF feels comfortable on the water in my 14-ton trawler, but that doesn't cross-over to sailboats which she says are "too close to the water."

[sailorchic34]

Your going to love the delta trip, easy downwind run pretty much all the way. Just make sure your right of the marker that marks the west end of the large sand bar in the middle of suisun bay. ( about 1/4 mile after the Benicia bridges). You can also sail on the southside, outside the main channel. Plunty deep enough there, Just avoid anything east of the main channel.

Of course its more then a bit bashy going back. The part between Pittsburg and Port Chicago going back can be exciting. I like doing that section with a slack or slightly incoming tide.

A sunshade for the boat is a requirement as is screens on the hatches at night. A tad buggy.