Assessing Your Partner

[chris mac]

Originally Posted by scarlet

I KNOW.. right?!! I must sound like a neurotic basket case.. lol...

It is like a person jumping out of an airplane.. even though it is the "jumper's choice"... and even though they've trained well.. and planned well.. it's still scary as heck when you take that leap... UGH! I still am so excited, though

You and I are on the same time frame. We will start shopping for the boat a year from now as well. We will start in august or sep as that is the time when most people decide to sell, and we will probably have more choices.

Ar you worried about your physical limitations?

Don't worry, I can see the excitement beneath the basket case exterior;-)
We will have to compare notes once shopping starts in earnest. For us it is based more on selling the house(currently listed but the market is at a low point) and getting my surgery done. That should be over this winter/spring recovery.
As to worry about my limitations. Everyone has limitations, its important to recognize our own so we can work around them. I actually feel lucky with mine because it's only pain. And that pain is there regardless of where I am. So I might as well be where I want to be, doing what I love doing.
The way I look at it, we all end up eventually in a chair by the staring window. Sitting there watching the world go by because we can't participate much anymore. When I end up in that chair I would rather watch the awesome movies in my memory and entertain others with the amazing stories of my life lived in spite of the limitations.
Hopefully we can toast an anchorage together in a year or so

[Time2Go]

Have you spoken to a few really good orthopedic surgeons about a
Total Knee Replacement?
Years ago I had bad skiing accident that led to
Undiagnosed hip micro fractures.
Jump ahead ten years and walking was tough so I had a total hip replacement
Plus 2 screws.
Since then I went on to qualify for RYA coastal and
have done over 10,000 nm.
The THR drained the kitty fairly well so those miles have been as crew.
When I tell crewmates about the titanium bits they flat out
Don’t believe me.
However I’m always upfront with the captain or owner
and ask that it be confidential as I don’t want anybody ever to cover for me.
I was just 64 and am looking for oceans to cross and hope
To find a spot for this years ARC
Not leaving nothing on the table
Cheers
Neil

[Jammer]

Our ages are similar and there are parallels in our situations.


Cruising means many things to many people. I doubt that we will ever actually move aboard on a full-time year 'round basis. My plan is to cruise rivers and lakes, move up to a larger boat at some point, gradually expand our cruising grounds, and adjust the lifestyle as appropriate.


Even if we end up moving aboard, it will be a gradual evolution rather than a big event.



There's a lot to see and plenty of good times to be had cruising benign areas under bare poles, and lots of space to explore in between that and bluewater passagemaking.

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by Time2Go

Have you spoken to a few really good orthopedic surgeons about a
Total Knee Replacement?
Years ago I had bad skiing accident

My husband's knee was also a bad skiing accident.

The knee replacement thing is a toss up. Everyone in his family has eventually had a knee replacement, so we know he will probably be needing both his knees done. However, his original surgeon recommended that he NOT get a knee replacement because they would have to remove his hardware, and that opens things up to infection which would be very bad....

I'm curious... Did they tell you when to plan for a knee replacement? The doctors we talked to said "not for 10 years" because, at his age, he would need another replacement in a decade or so after that. Well.. my thoughts are, if he can get it done now, and have 10 good years NOW when he is young, and has plans for his life, it would be worth it to have a second one at a later date.. but that still leaves the issues with his hardware....

[JPA Cate]

Originally Posted by scarlet

My husband's knee was also a bad skiing accident.

The knee replacement thing is a toss up. Everyone in his family has eventually had a knee replacement, so we know he will probably be needing both his knees done. However, his original surgeon recommended that he NOT get a knee replacement because they would have to remove his hardware, and that opens things up to infection which would be very bad....

I'm curious... Did they tell you when to plan for a knee replacement? The doctors we talked to said "not for 10 years" because, at his age, he would need another replacement in a decade or so after that. Well.. my thoughts are, if he can get it done now, and have 10 good years NOW when he is young, and has plans for his life, it would be worth it to have a second one at a later date.. but that still leaves the issues with his hardware....

Hello, again, scarlet.

Well, I have had bilateral tkr's done, and then required bilateral knee revision surgery. After the second operation, I had septicemia, but eventually recovered. It was prior to the second operation that I temporarily became what you call a gym rat, in order to have the best possible recovery. Some people have complete recovery; others, do not.

What the septicemia does, if you are unfortunate enough to have it happen, is a life threatening situation, and it attacks every organ in your body. It's sort of like a very fast aging process where everything is damaged, all your systems, and then your body tries to come back from that. It was a big, big deal. It started out as a post op urinary tract infection. Advice, if your husband has the surgery early, and post surgery he has a urinary tract infection, make sure a blood test is done to be sure all the infection is gone when the antibiotic course is finished. For me, it was 3 days from discontinuing the pills to emergency and ITC. The risk of the post op septicemia is a huge one.

For that reason, I think it is probably best for your husband to put off the surgery as long as he can, as his surgeon advised. The removal of the hardware from the first surgery is a very invasive undertaking.

If for some reason you do not trust the orthopedist, or your husband does not (it's his body), do seek a different one, and keep on doing it, till he finds one with whom he feels comfortable. Do ask about physical therapy in advance. The thing is, that as your knees wear out, there is more and more pain, and people tend to lose muscle condition when movement is painful, so anything at all you can do prior to surgery to improve that will speed along the recovery.

***************

To me, the timing of the surgery is an issue that should be decided by your husband, but what the surgery now would mean, at his age, maybe a total of 3, at ever higher risk to himself, and he might just prefer to wear the pain and other risks to himself than to run the risk of a bacterial blood infection. Once he decides to have the surgery, it will take about 7 months before he is ready to be back aboard, and roughly back to where he was.

Good luck with it, trust each other to do the best you can.

Ann

[GILow]

Lots of good stuff here, and I can’t comment (yet) on the issues of limited physical mobility but I would like to make one observation.

I know it seems like a gross over simplification, but I have an absolute rule that you NEVER run or move fast on the boat.

Yeah, I know, when the poo hits the air circulation device speed matters, but I firmly believe rushing into a problem on a boat is more dangerous than approaching it carefully.

Someone running forward to secure a flogging sail is more danger to themselves than the sail will be to itself. Someone dashing forward to fend off the boat is more likely to lose a finger or a limb than do any actual good with the kind of momentum we are dealing with on cruising boats.

So sure, there will be times when the OP would benefit from having assistance a little sooner rather than later, but I reckon most of the time a steady-as-she-goes approach on boats is way better.

[Pelagic]

Hi Scarlet,
my older brother has the same knee problem and after a few spills on outings, came to conclusion that he should always wear a specialised knee support bandage/brace to basically remind himself that knee has a problem.

Since then the rate of self applied injuries has dropped dramatically.

Brains overcomes brawn when sailing to your own comfort level, so don't worry if your husband is the conservative type who will adapt to his knee limitations.

To put in perspective.... some early sailor footwear

[Time2Go]

Originally Posted by scarlet

My husband's knee was also a bad skiing accident.

The knee replacement thing is a toss up. Everyone in his family has eventually had a knee replacement, so we know he will probably be needing both his knees done. However, his original surgeon recommended that he NOT get a knee replacement because they would have to remove his hardware, and that opens things up to infection which would be very bad....

I'm curious... Did they tell you when to plan for a knee replacement? The doctors we talked to said "not for 10 years" because, at his age, he would need another replacement in a decade or so after that. Well.. my thoughts are, if he can get it done now, and have 10 good years NOW when he is young, and has plans for his life, it would be worth it to have a second one at a later date.. but that still leaves the issues with his hardware....

Hi Scarlet,
I was 59 when I had my Total Hip Rrplacement
Original injury was 10 years prior
It took about 5 years for me to realize that
something was not right with the joint,
First symptoms were stiffness and loss of
range of motion, then came pain.
When i mentioned this to my doctor
at my yearly check up she ordered an x-ray
Her immediate response was
Neil, it’s not if you will need a replacement
but when AND you will know it.
Because of my age I decided to wait as
long as possible as to lessen the possible
need for a second operation down the line.
I can whole heartily say this was a Huge mistake.
I endured a year and a half of suffering.
Kept telling myself this isn’t so bad.
After the surgery
I said to myself
Holy Crap, No Pain and I can walk freely again
I WISH I HAD DONE THIS SOONER
THIS IS A MIRICAL
Not suggesting that you shop around for a doctor
that will tell you what you want to hear
BUT, I would have serious concerns about
hearing “Suffer Now because you will need another
procedure in ten years.”
I can make specific recommendations
if you send me a PM
Also, and most doctors don’t push it, is the need for
Pre-op physical therapy and aggressive post op
therapy.
I spent a week in a Specialized Rehap Facility
and walked out 9 days after surgery and never
looked back
I wish I had the year and a half before the THR back
Cheers
Neil

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by Pelagic

Hi Scarlet,
my older brother has the same knee problem and after a few spills on outings, came to conclusion that he should always wear a specialised knee support bandage/brace to basically remind himself that knee has a problem.

Since then the rate of self applied injuries has dropped dramatically.

Brains overcomes brawn when sailing to your own comfort level, so don't worry if your husband is the conservative type who will adapt to his knee limitations.

To put in perspective.... some early sailor footwear
Attachment 175509

LOL!!! yes.. those were the days.. eye patches.. wooded legs... and don't forget the hooks, where hands use to be. All ailments treated perfectly well with a good barrel of Rum!!

[scarlet]

well, this is all easing my mind quite a bit. I just want us to be safe and happy...

[weavis]

Originally Posted by scarlet

well, this is all easing my mind quite a bit. I just want us to be safe and happy...

You will be a lot happier if you just accept what he has and go with the flow. Time on the boat will make him accept limitations and be less clumsy...hopefully.

[Kelkara]

Originally Posted by scarlet

2. He cannot safely move fast. If we hit bad weather, and something needs to be secured.. or we lose a sail, and I need him fast up front... or any other situation where I need him somewhere, quick. He can't do it. It would take him 3-4 times as long to get where I need him that it does me. I'm afraid that him being so slow moving could cost us our life.

I think you're selling yourself short here ... if his mobility is an issue, then you've got it backwards ... he needs you.

But as has been said you shouldn't be rushing around anyway. Ideally you will have your boat set up so that either of you can happily sail it solo, then nobody needs anyone else's help and any help that is available from the other crew is a bonus.

[Shrew]

Assign the roles based on the person most physically capable of handling those roles. You would be better suited if he were behind the controls and a more able-bodied sea-person were up on deck.


I see this with docking and anchoring all the time. Why send a 104lb deck hand out to handle lines while docking, when a much physically stronger individual is sitting turning a wheel and pushing a lever?

[barnakiel]

I have seen a legless guy crewing on a boat. I can't remember his crewmates making any negative comments re his, or theirs, safety or ability.

We are all limited in a way, and not just as we get older.

Whatever activity you elect, be it climbing, sailing or surfing TV channels, it brings its own set of risks.

You either accept the risks and go. Or else you say the risks are too high and look for something else.

If you perceive your partner as not capable, then either change your partner (I think this is not the case) or else find some other modality (of sailing) or some other adventure. Camping? Biking? Rafting? Bee-keeping?

Cheers,
b.

[scarlet]

Originally Posted by Shrew

Assign the roles based on the person most physically capable of handling those roles. You would be better suited if he were behind the controls and a more able-bodied sea-person were up on deck.


I see this with docking and anchoring all the time. Why send a 104lb deck hand out to handle lines while docking, when a much physically stronger individual is sitting turning a wheel and pushing a lever?

yes... we have, till this point, kept him on the helm, and me do all the physical work. But, he is 6' and 240... I"m 5'1" and tiny. So, it is a lot on me, for sure. But, he is good on the helm..