Are there honourable sailors?

[seagypsy15]

I trust you mean that you've seen a message like this one, not my particular message, since this is the first time I've joined any kind of message board. Apparently I've put my note in the wrong forum category - as I said, I'm new to this. Where did I say I'm not interested in becoming the skipper's mate? That would be ideal. I just didn't want sex to be something that would be expected from day one. My friends (male and female, sailors and non sailors) are concerned that this would be the case.

[seagypsy15]

Originally Posted by Rhosyn Mor

When do you want to go?. Leaving soon for points wherever

Leaving from where LOL?

[Amgine]

I stand by what I said: it sounds like you'd rather be sailing and in charge, so go get a boat. Once you're out there, on your own boat , I think you'll find the difficulty is repelling boarders rather than finding someone/anyone.

You might want to be aware there are at least 2 other Seagypsy nicks on cruising/sailing forums who are female, looking to sail and therefore 'rare', don't want to be a galley slave. (The other details in your msg were unique, so I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.) Plus Seagypsywoman on this and other websites, who has her own boat and iirc once upon a time was also looking for a mate online.

[skipmac]

Originally Posted by seagypsy15

I trust you mean that you've seen a message like this one, not my particular message, since this is the first time I've joined any kind of message board. Apparently I've put my note in the wrong forum category - as I said, I'm new to this. Where did I say I'm not interested in becoming the skipper's mate? That would be ideal. I just didn't want sex to be something that would be expected from day one. My friends (male and female, sailors and non sailors) are concerned that this would be the case.

Well as i and some others have also pointed out, no guarantee that you won't run into a crew position where the captain is looking for sex and a galley slave. But you know what, that could happen in any job anywhere.

If you really want to work on boats and learn boating skills then bring a little common and street sense to the interview, appropriate job skills or willingness to start at the bottom and work hard to develop those skills and you will have a pretty good chance of finding the right position.

If your goal is not to be a working crew but to go hang out on a boat and take an extended cruise around the islands with a handsome captain doing all the boat work be prepared to pay for the privelege, either in cash or trade.

[Tempest245]

Hi Sea Gypsy

What does Honor have to do with it ? lol...

It's not dishonorable to want someone to help keep your bed warm....or to help out in the galley et al. while sailing and having fun.... After all, isn't that what you're looking for?

So the issue is how to best find what/who you are looking for. A sailing/cruising club for singles ( as previously mentioned) would seem to be a great venue. Finding a sailor to date is easier when you are out there doing it. Sorting out, who the right sailor is for you, is probably best accomplished in a social environment where there is a group with common interests...It's like any other kind of dating.

The odds of meeting your sailor will increase with proximity to water, sailboats and good climate....You're more likely to meet a sailor in Annapolis, than Cleveland.
Not unlike...If you wanted to meet a doctor, you'd have a better chance working in a hospital...

Attend Boat shows, take a singles sailing vacation, take sailing classes. Find work in the industry.....

Would you go on Vacation with a guy you didn't know? If no, then it's not likely that you'd want to take a cruise on a sailboat with someone you didn't know.
If you're a risk taker, then you have to assume the risks.

I leave in June....Meet ya at the Dock..;-)

[TexSail]

IMHO, in every voluntary relationship between adults there should be a semblance of equity. This goes for business and personal relationships.

If one is having a difficulty finding a desired relationship, it is often constructive to do some self examination into what one has offered to bring to the table themselves and if perhaps what they are offering is inequitable in comparison to what they are asking. Special skills, willingness to work hard, whiskey, money, companionship, and heaven forbid even warming another's bed are currencies that seem to work. I am not suggesting that you lower your standards or do anything which you would brand as dishonorable, but just to put yourself in the shoes of the person on the other side of the transaction. JMHO. Good luck in your search.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by seagypsy15

I've been told I'm somewhat of a rarity - a woman that wants to sail.

I was also struggling with the "Honourable" part .....IMO would have been more accurate to ask "Are there any folk with money who want to spend some on a Freeloader?".......as already said, gotta bring something to the table - and IMO not simply the bed warming part, the older both parties get the less valuable a currency that one is anyway..........always "buyers" , but not willing to trade so much simply for that

[svEmerald]

seagypsy15, your gender is utterly irrelevant. There's no rule that says only men can have boats and women who want to sail have to find one of them. If you want to sail, then sail. Buy a boat, or join a club, and go sailing. Not only will you enjoy yourself, you may even meet someone.

FWIW, I am an even rarer rarity - I am a single mother who wants to sail. So, my daughter and I live on our sailboat year round (yes, in Lake Ontario), and we have an ambitious 5 year plan that will see us southbound... Having a man around would be a bonus, but it's by no means a prerequisite to going cruising....

Of course, if you really are just looking for someone to come and sweep you of your feet, and take you away from all this, then what I'm telling you won't help! But if it's sailing you want, then well, see above... :-)

[seagypsy15]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

I was also struggling with the "Honourable" part .....IMO would have been more accurate to ask "Are there any folk with money who want to spend some on a Freeloader?".......as already said, gotta bring something to the table - and IMO not simply the bed warming part, the older both parties get the less valuable a currency that one is anyway..........always "buyers" , but not willing to trade so much simply for that

I find it utterly amazing that you can judge a person by one forum message - you must be psychic - what a wonderful talent you think you have.

[seagypsy15]

Hey Fionavar you are absolutely amazing!
I have been looking at boats - checked one out last week but it needed too much work - they admitted it hadn't been sailed for over 15 years! I'm on Grand Bahama Island till spring and there seem to be more motors than sails around here.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by seagypsy15

you must be psychic - what a wonderful talent you think you have.

Psychic? no. just an understanding of human nature. and a tendency to call things as I see them

[seagypsy15]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Psychic? no. just an understanding of human nature. and a tendency to call things as I see them

maybe you need glasses

[jimking100]

Seagypsy15,
Welcome to the forum and don't let the cynics and "hostiles" turn you away. You find them everywhere.
This is an outstanding forum to gain familiarity with sailing, meet people, and development friendships that can last your entire sailing career. I have only been aboard for a year but have met a lot of honourable and knowledgeable people. My only advice is be patient, follow the forum faithfully and enjoy the new lifestyle as you get into it.
Jim

[radiuschine]

Originally Posted by seagypsy15

I've been told I'm somewhat of a rarity - a woman that wants to sail. So why am I not sailing? How do you find a skipper who doesn't just want a galley slave or someone to keep his bed warm? I've tried internet dating sites but there are darn few sailors on there - no doubt because they're off somewhere sailing without me

If you want to avoid becoming a galley slave or a bunk buddy buy your own boat. Then you can chose your own galley slaves and bunk buddies. I know a woman who is actually doing it!

[nautical62]

Two comments:

First:

I think some of the confusion some people have expressed is there is someone who uses the handle: SeagypsyWoman who has posted in this forum and others, often regarding sharing sailing experiences, that I think people are confusing with you.

Second:

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I'm single and have sometimes found myself in a position with time to sail, but none of my previous sailing companions are able to join me. I've sometimes used the sailing forums to find crew/sailing partners.

I agree that when one reads the crew-wanted ads, most of the posts are from people who either need crew (usually experienced) to physically help sail the boat or have a high expectation of a romantic/sexual relationship.

Depending on where I've been at with other things, I've had times where I've been open to a relationship, but don't expect it and other times where I'm not. It's an interesting and somewhat complex situation. For me, when it has been someone of the opposite gender, it's usually turned out to be no more than sailing companionship and that's fine. Once or twice I ended up dating the person. Most all were positive experiences, but I spent a lot of effort looking for people who were compatible.

I personally don't know how anyone can "expect" a romantic/physical relationship. Even when meeting someone for a date one doesn't know where it will go. It seems to me, very odd that meeting someone in a cruising context would be any different. If anything I think sharing a small space with someone you don't know well and getting along is difficult enough without having "expectations" hanging over your head. On the other hand, if you are single and are open to dating someone, it seems silly to put a relationship out of bounds.

The best advice I can give it to read ads carefully and be straight forward in any ad you may place. Also ask direct questions and communicate as much as you can both by e-mail and voice. I think you'll find what people are looking for and compatibility comes through. You may go through many potential situations before you find the fit, but stick with it and don't get sucked into something that doesn't feel right. There are people with boats who don't expect a galley slave or bed mate. It just may take some work to find them. The site that has been the most fruitful for me has been floatplan.com

Best of luck to you in your quest. Feel free to drop a line on this thread or PM if you want to discuss things more.