Want To Buy: Looking for Cruising Nanny...

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by Tellie

. You may be surprised to find that a judge may be far more understanding than you think. Your daughters are very young and not likely to need advice in advance mathematics or chemistry. So you have time. Talk to people who have done this and heed their advice. You are not some new phenomenon that is attempting this. Just find the right people that will support you. I assure you they are out there and closer than you think.

Not to rain on the parade but the 2 y/o is going to be problematic. No judge in the world will allow one parent to take a child overseas without the consent of the the other unless sole care and custody for cause and no visitation by the other is warranted. You can imagine what kind of mom she has to be proved to be for a judge to sever or severly limit visitation rights or opportunity.

I have seen a couple of these cases go down. A rather prominent case in HKG where the HKG court awarded custody to the American expat dad. Mom went home (USA) got a lawyer and eventually got the state department involved through her local representatives. The HKG government, reversed the HKG judge basically saying that the HKG govt has no right to state where an American child should be domiciled.

If you can't work it out amicably with the mother, be prepared for an expensive and probably losing fight.

I did this research and consulted my lawyer during my divorce. I decided not to give the lawyers all my money for a losing battle.

I am sure OP is sincere and just wanted to post an ad without all the comments. The bad news he is getting a lot of comments. The good news is each comment bumps his ad to then top and maintains visibility - LOL

I am trying like hell to suppress my judgemental side as I dont think this is completely thought through.

My advice side says, get the custody stuff figured out first. Then worry about a cat and then worry about a nanny.

[Dkdoyle]

If I were you I would go to a teachers blog.
Many teachers have been laid off in this economy. Most of the ones laid off are younger and some of them may jump at the opportunity.

[Tellie]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

Not to rain on the parade but the 2 y/o is going to be problematic. No judge in the world will allow one parent to take a child overseas without the consent of the the other unless sole care and custody for cause and no visitation by the other is warranted. You can imagine what kind of mom she has to be proved to be for a judge to sever or severly limit visitation rights or opportunity.

I have seen a couple of these cases go down. A rather prominent case in HKG where the HKG court awarded custody to the American expat dad. Mom went home (USA) got a lawyer and eventually got the state department involved through her local representatives. The HKG government, reversed the HKG judge basically saying that the HKG govt has no right to state where an American child should be domiciled.

If you can't work it out amicably with the mother, be prepared for an expensive and probably losing fight.

I did this research and consulted my lawyer during my divorce. I decided not to give the lawyers all my money for a losing battle.

I am sure OP is sincere and just wanted to post an ad without all the comments. The bad news he is getting a lot of comments. The good news is each comment bumps his ad to then top and maintains visibility - LOL

I am trying like hell to suppress my judgemental side as I dont think this is completely thought through.

My advice side says, get the custody stuff figured out first. Then worry about a cat and then worry about a nanny.

Well child custody is not my forte but I do agree with you. If his wife is agin it, it ain't worth the fight.

[hooligan6a]

Try "Findacrew.com" You will find plenty of girls willing to take you up on that.

[timbenner]

Did anyone here mention "Find a crew.com"? I posted a similar request for a nanny to travel with my wife and I to care for our 3 year old and got a lot of interest. I offered NO money, but free travel, food, etc. Probably got 10 inquiries a week.

Don't give up, I think that your offer is reasonable, try find a crew.

[Chase1984]

Originally Posted by timbenner

Did anyone here mention "Find a crew.com"? I posted a similar request for a nanny to travel with my wife and I to care for our 3 year old and got a lot of interest. I offered NO money, but free travel, food, etc. Probably got 10 inquiries a week.

Don't give up, I think that your offer is reasonable, try find a crew.

Did you end up finding a nanny?

[Chase1984]

I posted on acouple au pair websites and got tons of responses. About 85% were out of the country, I'm going to be more likely to try someone already in the country even if they are from out of the country cause I'm not too sure about all the visa stuff and plane tickets from out of the country are quite expensive... LOL. There are special visa's for au pairs but there are a lot of requirements like they have to attend school, which she obviously wouldn't be able to, but I'm not sure she'd need any kind of long term visa cause we wouldn't be in the country long. I'd also rather have someone who's first language is english or they are extremly fluent in english.
Yes, my two year old is going to be an issue. I've spoken to acouple lawyers and apparently the largest of the problem is the judge we have, she's extremely biased against the father. Some gave me as good as a 30% chance if I could show a way for the child and mother to keep in constant contact and I'd have to show many other things like safety. Unfortunetly I'm not too sure how I can gaurantee contact whenever she wants, the contact would have to be webcam so they can see eachother, the only way I know is a self tracking internet satellite, which last I looked were no cheaper than $10,000 which I don't think is going to happen anytime soon. I can get a wifi antenna and attempt to hook near a wifi provider but there's no gaurantee... I've tried everything to work something out with my ex but she's being extremely unreasonable and not because she doesn't want her to go but because she wants to be unreasonable and make this extremely hard for me. I offered to buy a house in a good area, let her stay in it and all she has to pay is the monthly expenses other than the mortgage, I told her she could use my car, and when she came down to bring our daughter she could take a vacation and stay with us as long as she wanted. She said "why do I have to do all the compromising, I don't like that area I want to live in Bloomfield or Grosse Pointe, I don't like your car it's too big, I want to drive a Mini Cooper, and I don't like boats, heat, the sun, or water." I know she's gone to the Caribbean before and loved it but this is the response I get when I try coming to an understanding with her. I ask what she'll agree to "I dont know" I ask when she'll know "I don't know" It's been a year since I started puting this plan in motion and for a year she hasn't known. Sorry about the rant but most women are just plain unreasonable.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Chase1984

Sorry about the rant but most women are just plain unreasonable.

I thought I would just highlight the above - just in case any of the female members here missed it.



On the 2yo kid front, sounds like you are on a hiding to nothing - with both judge / legal system and mother.........in your shoes I would be looking at a Plan B.

But I've been wrong before, and the only absolute certainty is that I will be wrong again .

FWIW, my father got sole custody of me & brother (about the same ages as your kids) in the late 60's......mind, he had to go to the Royal Court (the highest one over here (same as the top State Level?) and well above the day to day family court side)..........in Jersey back then (and to a degree still) that was very unusual (both in granting and father wanting) - very conservative attitudes and slow to accept change. Islanders .

Anyway, good luck

[Chase1984]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

I thought I would just highlight the above - just in case any of the female members here missed it.



On the 2yo kid front, sounds like you are on a hiding to nothing - with both judge / legal system and mother.........in your shoes I would be looking at a Plan B.

But I've been wrong before, and the only absolute certainty is that I will be wrong again .

FWIW, my father got sole custody of me & brother (about the same ages as your kids) in the late 60's......mind, he had to go to the Royal Court (the highest one over here (same as the top State Level?) and well above the day to day family court side)..........in Jersey back then (and to a degree still) that was very unusual (both in granting and father wanting) - very conservative attitudes and slow to accept change. Islanders .

Anyway, good luck

LMAO. Yeah, I thought about that after I posted but most reasonable women tend to agree that most women aren't reasonable so... eh. LOL.
I definitely find it hard to find a good woman, obviously, two kids, two different women both truly aren't fit to have their children regularly, with both women what it came down to was once I realized their issues were major I kicked them out BOTH were back within two days with positive pregnancy tests, then I tried to make it work, it didn't and the rest is history. Anyway, when I was speaking to the lawyers the other problem that arose was if I got full custody, which as I said with this judge is near impossible even if I could prove she were a crack whore or something, the judge would order me to keep the child in the state because the mother still has visitation rights even if they are to be supervised. Unless she just takes off afterwards like my first childs mother did. But anyway, I couldn't see this one taking off, she actually has a connection with the child even though she's an alcoholic and mental. When she's not only thinking of herself she's actually really good with our daughter. I don't know if she'll ever actually get a job, or find a place to live that isn't with a family member who ends up kicking her out, but when she looks away from the facebook games she plays long enough to play with our child she is a great mother.
Anyway, this thread has turned from looking for a nanny to bitching about my ex's... LOL. I definitely do thank all of you though, the au pair idea has lead to a lot of leads and I will definitely try findacrew. You have definitely provided great venting as well...
I look forward to more ideas, the more the merrier...

[ProtectTheOcean]

As so many have already pointed out, the wage isn't going to be the enticement.
The big problem is your gender bias. A guy can be just as nurturing and valuable an influence as a female. This is YOUR issue, not the issue of the kids or their needs.
If the need is home-schooling, you should be looking for someone capable of teaching the kids what they need to know, from the PEOPLE who would take you up on the offer to go cruising.

There are 3 pages of comments. I'm not going to read through it all. This is my comment, my advice. Of course, I think it's sound, or I wouldn't be offering it up.

[svpattyd]

Let me get this straight: you had sex with two different women, not planning on procreating, but did, and the women are losers so you have to take the children and sail around where ever and need a nanny to teach them and cook and clean while you sail. And it is the woman judges' fault for wanting the two year old's mother to be involved in the child's life? Did you not notice that both the women you procreated with had issues? Why do you think a nanny would want to be with you? It seems the only side of the story is your rant. Maybe you should re examine this plan and put the children first. JMHO

[Ex-Calif]

Originally Posted by svpattyd

Let me get this straight: you had sex with two different women, not planning on procreating, but did, and the women are losers so you have to take the children and sail around where ever and need a nanny to teach them and cook and clean while you sail. And it is the woman judges' fault for wanting the two year old's mother to be involved in the child's life? Did you not notice that both the women you procreated with had issues? Why do you think a nanny would want to be with you? It seems the only side of the story is your rant. Maybe you should re examine this plan and put the children first. JMHO

Incoming!!!!!

[goboatingnow]

My wife and i were both work and we brought up two girls using au-pairs, which is more what your describing since nannies are essentially professional and expensive. While its was an amazingly rewarding experience and the girls got exposed to various cultures. Both my god it's hard work keeping track of 19-22 year olds. Some were terrible others were brilliant.

I can't see this working on a boat, firstly there the privacy issue, then the sexual tension, then there finding a girl comfortable with a boat and the sea, then you want them to be capable of teaching and t hen cook for them. Good luck mate, ps the European fusion project (JET) has a few sticky problems at the moment , perhaps you could sort them out first.

My view is anyone that does this job, will have major issues. Firstly any seagoing going female with half a wit never has trouble finding crew places. Why lump teaching kids on top of it..

Were you paying top bucks if might just be possible , but want you want is a pipe dream. Even if you convince someone, I suspect they'll jump ship at the next port.

Attend to your kids upbringing, forget the sailing. The only way you're going to do this is a compliant female partner that's preferably your wife and somewhat unlikely to jump ship when it gets tough. As many will testify here that's a tall order and the few that have them are holding on to them for dear life

Dave

[nwdiver]

Try a month in the Keys and see if she (if you find her) is going to work out or as pointed out above, you may find yourself alone somewhere with two small children to care for and 800kn from home.
What you are asking sounds reasonable to you but you do realize you are essentially going on a solo sailing trip with 3 dependents that won’t be adding to the sailing of the boat, and if you want the nanny to stand watches, make sure you tell her before you head out. I think you are unrealistic in your needs, this whole must have a female role model is so last millennia. If you want a nuc family stay ashore, marry/enter a relationship and give them a female role model, if not go sailing and show them the world (I would pick 2).
Also having paid help moving from country to country, which of course you won’t ever mention to immigration, is a sticky subject and requires bonds posted and such in some countries.
I would think teaching your school aged daughter yourself and taking on help during passages makes more sense to me. I have seen that done by a single mother with 3 school aged children.

[Chase1984]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

Incoming!!!!!

LMAO... I've got to go to dinner with my girls and parents, when I get back I'll respond to all these messages. Throw down around 8ish, and it will be a short fight... LOL. That's an awesome picture.
Well 8ish in MI which will be about 5ish on this site...