Originally Posted by tobe
I stumbled across this forum and am so thankful. After reading some of these posts I can totally understand how much my husband loved his boat. I knew it but I see it more after reading through your posts.
Tobe, I have the feeling, that you still do not get it. Instead you have a perception of that "men must love boats". And its not about he is loving you less... radically I could say: he only could love you maximum if you would stay with him on the boat, because thats the right place he has to be. :-)
But lets start slowly...
I say: no, it is not love... it is the "true being". Thats what evokes the conflict between many men
, as humans are different. Some people need to live in mountains, others on the beach, and some must stay on high seas on boats.
Naturally, we men
and sailors look at boats and love their beautyness. But this is only the result what boats stand for... it is like: you eat something delicious being cooked by another person and you enjoy the taste and you love this specific kind of receipe prepared by this single
person nobody else can cook it same way. You want eat it again and again.
But its not about "love" in the romantic way we mostly are educated in Western world by the concept
of romantic love which was established in the 19th century. In some other cultures exist the form of "arranged marriage" and still there we find a form of loving probably most of us in Western world would not accept.
I started reading about sailing in my teenager time. Nobody told me to read it. It affected me. My first sailing experience was on a river and in summer holidays I went to sailing school
in Austria at the age of 12. - I loved that time to read about Captains on high seas, sailing with their 3 mast
ships through the oceans and discovering new land in times of 16th-17th century like James Cook or Portugese explorer Ferdinand Magellan
How comes ??? Nobody told me, nobody showed me... in other words: my inner voice called for this.... inspite I grew up with skiing since my 3rd ear of life in high mountains. Non of my family member
ever sailed. - Yes, I like skiing, I like snow... it is sport. - But only on the water
I can be myself. There I get my energy back in the real "being form" of traditional seamanship.
If you get curious about, read Nadolny's "The Discovery of Slowness
" and you will understand a lot about the nature of sailing.... and the way how sailor's think and feel.
Some people need mountains, others can work in cole mines, another must work as farmer to be on the field and care for a good crop or in the forrest to smell wood... whatever e.g. being a surgerist standing witha scalpell in a bloody surgery room or handling animal skins as a shoe maker.
It is like plants. Some need dry ground, others lots of water
, some only can stand in the shaddow or need hot son. If you put the plant into the wrong place, it suffers and dies... it cant bloom. It becomes sick and get killed.
Same is with real sailors. It is mother nature which gives us the energy back... it is the colours of the waves, the sound of the water flowing along the hull
... it is feeling the wind
... a very specific way of "being" and not "having". Sailing is not just pleasure... it can become wet, cold, stormy... and it is risky we can loose our life out there on high seas. No 100% guarantee to survive a sailing trip many risks are waiting.
Watch this promotion video about a vessel... and it will help you in differntly way to understand how boats can affect a human being so heavily that it can influence their whole life. The Lynx is a good example...
(Rec.: Little bit pathetic and romanticism this promo vid but it hits the nail on the head
We sailors say: Every boat has a soul... only if its on the water under sails
, then its alive in its elements. If a boat is staying all year in the harbour, it is like a dead body (of wood, steal, epoxy
When I see a ship sinking or I hear a capsizing in news of a crew with her boat on ocean off shore I start crying... seeing a boat sinking is like seeing a human dying. Yeah, maybe little bit crazy... but so we feel. Our emotional bondage with sea and boats is very, very close. No idea why it is like it is.
Originally Posted by tobe
However, I also saw many family men state - leave the wife if she has a problem with the boat. The boating
life is beautiful when shared but it should not consume you. As the wife, I felt second priority to the boat. I don't think the wife in the original post was going to force the boat sale
? Maybe she wanted to know that you loved her more than your boat and she was just upset.
All what we do is consuming us. Life itself consumes as we pay one day the prize to die (hopefully naturally by aging). It is an illusion not to do so. If a woman becomes pregnant, the pregnancy consumes her body, she gets cellulitis and after birth, probably most women
dont get back her old figure. Only by giving away energy we get energy back, over years by aging the level changes down.
Everything what we do has a prize as it costs energy. The question is: Do we get enough energy back from what we invest into it. Boating is not only beautiful. A sailor often gets dirty hands by repairings, refitting the boat. And sailing through a strom over days is no more fun.
Sailing is hard in some situations, even in modern times with all the luxury on sailing yachts we find... its still tough work, lots of time must be invested to repair a boat as it is in a very unfriendly environment
. Salt water
, wood is rottening by time, steal becomes rusty... and sails
are destroyed by very aggressive UV (ultraviolet light). All on a boat is destroyed quickly... sadly to say. Its an endless fight to keep a boat in good shape. Is it worth all that hard and costly work ?
Again: its not about owning a boat. Maybe your husband still has misunderstood the conception of sailing. Maybe he just sees it as a hobby defined by "having an own and expensive boat". But sailing can be much more than just entertainment or a fun sport.
Off-shore sailing regularly it is not about having a big (or luxury) boat with big mast
, big eninge and huge sails. It needs the balance to have the adequate boat one can be him- or herself, in the given conditions. If one misses to keep the balance, it can be deadly on high seas.
I would warn every sailor to go with a 20 foot boat into the Southerns, thats kind of suicide... and more safely on a 40 or 50 footer (but still very risky). - Boats have been built to keep humans alive, being in balance with nature, the right size of mast, the adequate amount of sails area, the strength of the hull
and the speed of the boat... naval architects as constructors care a lot for this and wisely the beautifully lines defined by designers and realized experienced boat builders/sail makers.
In times of modern life and in Western world, where people can afford expensive hobbies, they quickly loose the senses as they think they can pay for every dream and wish spending money
from their filled bank accounts. But thats not sailing in the sense of "traditional seamanship".
Same, you can watch this video... and you will understand that even with "nearby 0 money" one can experience the real spirit and purest form of sailing which was discovered by young people... an excellent documentary
It even helped me as sailor (having started sailing in the 70th) to remember some important things in sailing I have forgotten as land life has spoilt me too heavily.)
Pls dont understand my comment as critics. I dont know you, so I cannot judge. I just can read some of your text lines and can comment what comes into my mind, by my own experiences.
Its a good sign that you read this thread to get an understanding to keep your own partnership
alive - with or without a boat in the family...
Maybe you never can understand a sailor, as it is not the environment
you need for yourself to feel well. Same this is not a critics from mine as we all have our limits by feelings to understand others, even our partners.
Maybe you must work with plants, do gardening or ride a horse... whatever to feel well and to be in the right place on this planet earth. :-) E.g. I never can understand people why they love keeping poisoness snakes in the terrarium. :
But I love the beautyness of Cobra snakes ! So sweet creatures...