Is There Such A Thing As The 'Sophomore Blues' In Cruising?

[Stu Jackson]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Families and friends can pile on the guilt trips. And it doesnt stop after a few years.
Now I have been out cruising for more than 6 years people have stopped... Namely because as soon as somone thries that crap on me I give them both barrels and dont talk to them for a year or two.

Its your life. Dont let others beat you into giving it up.

What, you never had a Jewish mother?!?

Or Italian, or Turkish, or Iranian...........:w ink:

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Families and friends can pile on the guilt trips. And it doesnt stop after a few years.

Now I have been out cruising for more than 6 years people have stopped... Namely because as soon as somone thries that crap on me I give them both barrels and dont talk to them for a year or two.



Its your life. Dont let others beat you into giving it up.



Maintenance etc.... Theres MANY boats here who do not enjoy their cruising because the NEVER cruise they just work like slaves on their boats. All day every day they do unnessecary bulltwaddle instead of going to the beach, reading a book, going to some local market just for fin, sightseeeing, touring, hanging out. Many never do that: they slave their guts out hour after hour, day after day until cruising is like a sentence forever to hell.



I do one hour work on the boat each week day.



The rest I do stuff all, get drunk, chat up chicks, LIVE LIFE.



Try it



Mark

PS I did not do my 1 hour work today. Shame on me!

Hey Mark,

The family guilt trip thing was unexpected, so I was caught off guard and didn't know how to respond. Fortunately, no one has called me selfish ... yet. I've spent the last few days thinking about this though and realize that I worked hard to instill in my children all the skills they would need to thrive in their adult lives and they are thriving. I think the guilt trip they are trying to catch me up in has more to do with them worrying about me in situations they think are not safe -- if they guilt me into coming home then they won't worry.

Thanks, Robyn


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Originally Posted by barnakiel

Well.

Too much money spent? Wrong boat choice. Huh? Too big? Too old? Too complicated?

Good news: with all the stuff now new, much fewer things will play up, hoorrray you are in for a lazy year now!

Guilt coming / sent your way?

Are you living your life or theirs?

Stay well clear from people who are trying to make you feel guilty. They are the flock. The flock does not like to see individuals doing things differently. They are the rock. Good news: a charted one!

Now for the blues: There is an old Chinese proverb that goes something like this: "If you think you have to much to do, then find yourself something to do!".

Now go and do not sin anymore.

And do NOT (over-)worry. Just feel free to feel, and trust your gut. Many people hear the call, few follow it. From our 10 years+ of sailing and living aboard I can tell you it is a good life we are living.

Sursum corda!

Cheers,
barnakiel

Ahh Barnakiel,

The boat was the right size, the right price, the right level of complexity, the cost of maintaining not a problem. and not too old -- I just had unrealistic (hopeful) expectations I wouldn't be working as hard this year.

On the guilt side I think I have figured that out. They are worried because (in their minds) we are sailing off into the unknown, so better to guilt us into staying home then they don't have to worry.

It has been a weird year, but being on the move for the last month has reaffirmed why we are here.

Thanks, Robyn


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Originally Posted by Reach

It was interesting to hear you call it the "Sophomore Blues", since I remember specifically that my 2nd year of cruising was a big challenge (now into year 7).



I realize for me there was a bit of an identity-crisis to get through. Namely, leaving job/family and connecting with being a full time cruiser, after the first year felt like an extended 'vacation'.



As a first mate - this didn't have much to do with overt maintenance issues, although everyone on the boat experience the effects.



If one happens to feel some kind of uncertainty even though totally understandable - family may also sense that and try to draw you in (with the best intentions)?



Happy to say that year is a distant memory once life took shape in this environment. Not only daily routines, but getting a feel for 'who you are' out here, having friends new & old, near & far who know you for just that.



Best wishes!

Hi Reach,

Thank you for sharing that, I was beginning to think I was a bit of a weirdo! I hadn't stopped to think about the identity thing, but that makes a lot of sense.

Thanks, Robyn


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Originally Posted by Arthur Garfield

get boat closer to family members guilting you?

The $ money situ is personal call though,if land living,wouldn't you have similar

unexpected costs pop up?



I'm pulling for you both to have smiles in whatever you do !







All the Best

Thanks Arthur, we are gonna make it because we have a great support network that includes awesome CF members!

Robyn


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Originally Posted by Jim Cate

Re guilt tripping from kids:

Try a thought experiment:

If you were suddenly incapacitated and required full time care, would your children step up and take on those duties, even if it meant giving up all their activities and dreams for themselves? Perhaps, but many would not. And that is what the guilt trippers are asking of you...

Chances are that you gave up much of your personal life for twenty odd years to launch your kids into adulthood... maybe even more. You have paid your dues and you get to have a life too. By all means, continue to be supportive to your kids... but this does not mean physical attendance, nor even financial support... rather, emotional support and perhaps advice on this or that. It doesn't include 24/7 babysitting!

You only have an unknown number of years left. Use them wisely!

Jim

Hi Jim,

Ever the wise statesman! Your dose of reality certainly struck home! We are definitely committed to spending what we have left of this life to the fullest.

Thanks, Robyn


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Originally Posted by Cheechako

Chain broke off the sink plug? Uh oh... here goes another chain vs nylon debate!

Ha ha! I guess I've been missing out -- haven't been here regularly for awhile. Nylon?!? I didn't know I had an option.

Thanks for the smile, Robyn


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Originally Posted by Livia

Ditto what Reach said on the identity issues. My own sophomore blues were at the end of our first year but changing countries really helped!

Thanks Livia!

Robyn


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Originally Posted by oldragbaggers

Excellent thread and it will be nice to have all these little tidbits of wisdom and experience tucked away in the back of my mind if I happen to find myself feeling blue for some unexplained reason when we hit year two.

I don't know why I think this, but I think you will be just fine !

Thanks for the support, Robyn


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Originally Posted by monte

A good article here
http://www.moq.org/forum/Pirsig/cruisingblues.html

Monte,

Thank you, that was a great article.

Robyn


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Originally Posted by Hard Rock Candy

I have a good friend who with his wife put all their time and money in their boat planning on being crusers. Everything seemed to be going well until his wife started feeling homesick. At least that is what he thought was happening. By this time they ad gone down to the San Blass Islands and he thought it was the best of times except for his wife having crying jags. They eventually headed home and when she got her next physical, she told the doctor about feeling so sad and down most of the time. It still hadn't gone away like she expected. They ran some extensive blood tests and determined that her depression was caused by some chemical imbalance. A couple months of experimental balancing and she has been a happy lady ever since. They are back down in Panama right now. Mac

Thanks Mac,

That is definitely something to remember, but (right now) probably is t the issue. It has just been a weird year with (most likely) unrealistic expectations on my part.

Robyn


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Originally Posted by BentP

My only true concern is to leave my 82 year old dad behind, when we take of this summer. I am sure he wants us to go, but still it is hard. The kids can take care of them selves now for a few years, no worries there.

Hi Ben,

That is a tough one! We left when my mom was 82 in stage 4 Alzheimer's. My dad insisted she remain at home and he would take care of her. I had spent the previous 5 years spending as much time as I could with her, it is such a horrible disease but on me -- not so much for her I think. Before I left we had one of those inexplicit moments when she remembered me for the first time in two years and we were able to say our goodbyes and she told me to go live my life. So I did.

Thanks for sharing, Robyn


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Originally Posted by roland stockham

When sailing you have the odd day when you feel down. On the bank you have the odd day when you feel up... Go do your favorite thing for a bit, the work will still be there when you get back

Thank you, Robyn


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Originally Posted by Amapola

1. No one can make you feel guilty except you.



2. We get overwhelmed when we have too many things on the to do list but when we leave the dock all of that disappears.

Amapola,

You nailed it.

Thanks, Robyn


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Originally Posted by anacapaisland42

There are those who like to race
There are those who like to cruise
There are those who like to plan and dream
There are those who like to fix boats up
There are those who like to sit on boats watch the sunset with a sundowner

Etc

It doesn't matter what YOU like as long as YOU are doing it

My motto/question: "what is the difference between a hero and a sunk boat"
Answer: "5 minutes"
The 5 minutes you spent checking that hose, or thru hull, or line, etc

Bill

Thanks for the smile Bill!

Robyn


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