How to Explain to a Woman what Liveaboard Means ?

[Don1500]

When a woman says she'll follow you anywhere, does that include a boat?

I am dating a woman that expounds undying like for me and wants to spend the rest of her year with me. I don't want to lead her on so I have told her I will be moving on to a boat in the near future and that will be my home. I have invited her to come along. I don't think she believes me because she's still around.We both live on the west coast and I have no inclination of sailing here. I plan to be on the East Coast as soon as my house sells. Her extended family is here, mine isn't. I like her too, but, just as I would be unwilling to get her to come to the boat against her dreams, I will not change my dreams to fit her expectations. How do I find out if she is willing to come because it is what she wants to do and not just because it's what I want to do.

P.S. She was raised in Idaho and has no idea what living on a boat is like. She thinks of it as living in an RV.

[sailorboy1]

Take her along and she either stays, or leaves.

Does she like you more than her family?

[Blue Stocking]

Tell her that before you move aboard, the pair of you need to change all the hoses to the MSD, and the bottom needs to be scraped and painted.
Watch her face closely for signals.

[Roaring Girl]

This sounds like you're v unsure about whether you want her along because you believe that she will in some way spoil the dream to which you are committed. If so, it means she isn't central to the dream and you will both be unhappy if she finds she doesn't enjoy it, or doesn't enjoy it as much as you.

Could you live aboard on the west coast for six months before moving east (yes I know it's a long way?) Or could she come out east with you but without selling up and over committing so if it doesn't work out she can return home without more loss than six months, pride (and a bruised heart).

Alternatively, she is central to you dreamed-of future in which case you will find a way to make it work which does not make her unhappy (because you won't want to do that).

[roverhi]

Charter a boat for a week or two and take her for a short cruise. See if she adapts to living on the boat. Assume you don't have a boat at present or you would have already done it. Before I was married was amazed at how some women that I thought were possible permanent crew turned out to be disasters after very short overnighters on the boat. Once she's had a chance to see what living aboard is like, you and she will have a better reference for your future. Took my then friend and future wife on a two week delivery. Married her when she said it would be fun to live in our VW bus while we built our Westsail Kit boat.

One caution. We've lived in Kona, Island of Hawaii for more than 30 years. We sailed here after living aboard and cruising for almost 4 years. My wife and I obviously got along in a reasonably remote place far away from family. We are a rarity, however. Most of the people that we knew when we first got here and new friends along the way have moved away. In almost all instances, it was the wife that agitated most strongly for a move closer to family on the mainland. Seems especially true for empty nesters with their children and especially grandchildren a long way away. If your prospective crew has offspring and has or possibly will have grand kids, be sure that she will have the ability to make reasonably regular visitations with them. FWIW, my wife comes from a very large, close family with well over a 100 relatives, 4 siblings and their children back on the mainland. Until our son's family grew to include grandson(s), she was content to make an annual pilgrimage to the old homestead. Now, all I have to say is "It would be nice to go to the Wooden Boat Festival in Port Townsend" and she's making reservations so she can hang out with the grandkids. No problem maintaining Pualani Gold frequent flyer status on Hawaiian Airlines.

[Nateman]

Good luck sir! Let us know how it goes...

[Steve W]

Don summed it up perfectly, though I would add if you don't have a boat now, a bareboat charter might be a start. If it doesn't work out, come to Florida, lots of boats for sale and I think I read there are 12 single women for every single guy over 60. When a 62 year old (fat, bald, know it all) sailing buddy became a widower (after a very long illness) in January 2010, the single ladies from his church lined up with food and lots of "social invitations". He worked that for about 12 months and pissed off the whole church bunch by marrying a 50 year old flight attendant last week who is damn hot for her age...and she loves sailing. What a guy!

[Matt sachs]

I'm an expert on chasing women away. The boat should be your mistress, not her....just sayin.

[Khagan1227]

I got married and two months later moved my wife from the east coast to the west coast. Best thing that ever happened to either of us, as itmade two very young "adults" growup fast. While you are not in that situation, it will cut the ties to the "local" family.

I got it the other way when we made "the decision". She told me she was moving on board and going cruising and I could join her if I wanted.

At least I get to help pick the boat out.

[Sabbatical II]

Originally Posted by Steve W

If it doesn't work out, come to Florida, lots of boats for sale and I think I read there are 12 single women for every single guy over 60. When a 62 year old (fat, bald, know it all) sailing buddy became a widower (after a very long illness) in January 2010, the single ladies from his church lined up with food and lots of "social invitations". He worked that for about 12 months and pissed off the whole church bunch by marrying a 50 year old flight attendant last week who is damn hot for her age...and she loves sailing. What a guy!

Well I guess that's the end of the Single Sailors thread. Just sail to Florida.

Greg

[tropicalescape]

DON be very very.very,very,very, careful Ive heard it said"we get smarter with age"..I disagree,I think we get more cautious..if were lucky...good luck,best wishes, DVC

[defever]

i had been living aboard for 5 yrs. when i met the love of my life...i was in the bahamas , she was down on a 1 wk. vacation on a friends boat... i chased her back to n.c. and spent 4 mos. w/ her taking short trips, etc. she loved it but how about a 41 ft. world for the rest of her life. when i told her i wanted to marry and head out she asked what if she didn't like it. i replied that she should then buy me a winter jacket...that was 13 great yrs ago (and 45k miles ) ...she handles the boat just fine, navigates, catches fish, dives and we're as happy as 2 people can be...

i think it was the winter coat that did it....

[bobofthenorth]

Maybe its just me but if she's really the one you want to spend the rest of your life with then why are you asking us? And if she isn't then why do you care what happens?

[senormechanico]

Ask a worst case question.

Tell her an ocean crossing in a storm is like being in jail and an earthquake at the same time.

The look she gives you ought to be a clue.

[Strait Shooter]

Originally Posted by Matt sachs

I'm an expert on chasing women away. The boat should be your mistress, not her....just sayin.

Sayin' it loud and clear. My mistress calls.............