Why do friends feel so entitled to come on the boat?

[SuW]

A 32-ft boat isn't all that big. Certainly not for more than a couple overnight. It's smaller than most RVs for accommodation.

We've taken several groups out on our boat for a quick sail or motor around.
The best experience is with cruising couples who are stuck repairing their boat in the boat yard - a quick sail round an island and then on to an anchorage for a light lunch.

A good experience was with a single father and his pirate obsessed autistic son. Although nothing much about our boat looks particularly piratical (except the rag-clad crew!) he enjoyed it very much and later sent us a lovely artwork commemorating the event.

The worst was two elderly ladies who started freaking when we ran into a dead head (or perhaps a rock!) - you'd have thought that we were all going to die, right there, 200 metres from land. Arrgh! The Cruel Sea!

I don't know where you are, but could you agree to meet friends at a public wharf where you can show them around the boat, then give them some refreshments? Then a quick motor around the harbour and back. If they need overnight accommodation, they need to find a motel or AirBnB.

If these people are not worth your time, they're no friends of yours.

[belizesailor]

Originally Posted by Suijin

...
Someone here suggested a gating factor that is also helpful and which I now employ. “Volunteer” crew can name the place (assuming it’s on my itinerary) or the time but not both. There is nothing more aggravating than trying to meet a schedule to pick someone up. ...

I explain up front that I dont chase airplanes in sail boats...if they need to be at a specific place at a specific time then they need to book another form of transportation.

Years ago I got tired of the aggravation of coordinating group trips (not just sailing, but travel, diving, hiking..whatever). So, I quit doing it. I let friends know that I would be somewhere on certain dates and if interested then they should show up. Worked well. I've done the same thing with sailing...we plan to be in X area on Y dates...if you want to visit, then let us know. This message only gets communicated to select friends.

[oleman]

There are no guests on our vessel, only crew members.

Crew members are assigned jobs to do and are not expected to enjoy special treatment.
When crew members wear out their welcome, they can be put ashore and allowed to get their land-legs back.
As the skipper I am (in my mind fair) fair but surprisingly few guests want a second voyage.

[a64pilot]

I’ve honestly not had the problem, but if and when asked I politely explain Boat is set up for a couple and there is frankly nowhere for them to sleep, other than the “couch”
Maybe I should tell them that they could take night watch and we hot rack?

We actually met some people here on a smaller Catalina that have a German Shepherd on board, they are going to Nassau to pick up friends.
I keep wondering how that is going to work out.

[Mike OReilly]

This seems like an odd, or funny question. Just Say No … see how simple that is?

You don’t have to be rude. You don’t have to be harsh. But if you really don’t want them on board, then either you don’t like them that much, or it’s a significant inconvenience. So say, “thanks, but no.”

If you feel the need you an explain the logistical reasons, or the fact that a 32’ boat is really pretty small and can’t easily accommodate more than two, then do so. If they are real friends then they understand where you’re coming from. And if they’re not, then what’s the big deal?

The only people we’ve had on board overnight are real friends/family. At 37’ our boat is still small. I often say, you really have to like the people if you’re going to have them on board overnight.

I suspect this is partly why catamarans are now so popular — you don’t have to like the people you sail with .

[ahumbug1]

I am always honored to share my love of sailing with with friends. Most people never get the opportunity to try it. Some that wolld like to some day let life get in the way and never get to try it. I hope that I can ignite the spark in them to go for it. I am 72 and just making my dream happen one weekend at a time for now but hope to sail To Hawaii within the next few years.

[NYSail]

Originally Posted by AKA-None

Party for 6, dinner for 4, sleeps 2.

Love the quote! Wife uses it all the time.......

[Lihuedooley77]

We have been sailing a lot for many years

We are very . lets say picky, about who we invite on board. That was as boat owners, sailing club members, and partnerships. Inviting the special people was not a problem and we always had a good time.

Never had that problem , and never had guests just show up.

Usually, the situation is that ' we invite ' N o one has invited them selves.

And, since we are actually out there sailing, not living on board in a port, we do not have that situation occur.

Our slip sailing is done, after we return to the dock, clean and square away the vessel, but most often after securing and giving the boat a fresh water wash down, we meet sailing friends up at the dock side bar and restaurant. Or , just head up there on our own, and have some after sailing kick back. After a few day trip, sailing to and around Catalina Island, or a day sail, etc.

I do not like lying, in fact bullies and liars are on my.....write their name down on a list, draw a line through it, and toss in the round file.

But, we do , very much enjoy, those selected friends to come sailing with us, and most times, one or two of them wish to participate in the sailing, helm watch, working with the jib sheets, trimming the main, and learn some good ol fashioned seamanship. Or, fix drinks, bring up snacks, and sit up topside with us and enjoy the commraderie , enjoy the sea breezes, dolphins, whales and views of land marks on shore. It is all good.

They also like to hear some fun and adventurous sea stories, and tales of exotic ports , and adventures in paradise. They can dream of exotic islands, and take a break from the concrete and glass world and stress of of their daily activities inland.

No T.V, no wifi, no smart phones. Turn 'em off , stow em away, etc. We are there to share the wind, the sea, the vessel, the sea life the sailing and each other in real life human to human style.

I have heard of friends inviting family to go on a cruise, with no pre cruise meeting, no information, and showing up with a couple of suit cases thinking it was a cruise ship excursion.

In general, on our bare boat charter trips, we have had excellent crew , seasoned an total novices, who were great. Helping out in whatever way was comfortable, and also just enjoying actual sailing, snorkeling, and a good deal of partying ashore.

We have had the opposite as well, and those people who would not lift a finger, to help out in any way, well, that was the last of that. Never again .

Thankfully, that was a very small percentage.

Fact is, the cost for just two of us to bare boat a 36 ft sailing vessel, on two week sailing vacations is substantial. We just happily bight the bullet. We still are going to enjoy sailing and all that it requires to be good sailors .

Yep, now, the last several years , it is just Erica and I, but, we have no problem meeting other sailors and land bound folks, ashore . Fun folks and the party light is lit. Rum and sea stories and exchanging tales and interests is Great.

Also, for those who want their solitude in port, lighten up on telling peple what you are doing, the name of the boat, the marina where it is kept, the gangway number, the particular basin, etc.

But, most of us want to share our experiences with our boats and live on the water.
What great stories that we have to share . Up to all of us, as to how much information that we put out there in public.

Or lay some minor blarney on them, so as not to hurt feelings. Iike the marine head idea, Marine head is inop; or/and a Mean attack sea lion that lives on your swim step and dock that weighs a few hundred pounds maybe ; some glitch in the electrical system, and neither shore power or D.C. power is working.

What ever you can come up with, including construction or maintainence problems and the boat is pretty much torn apart and you do not want to share that situation with visitors.

Be inventive, it is your boat, and you will not hurt any feelings and have your own private time with you and your wife.

Others have some great ideas . You will overcome.

[JPA Cate]

The Black Pig,

There is a difference between social media friends and people with whom you have a pre-existing history of pleasant interaction.

We used to have a 36' sailboat, and enjoyed having dear friend couples visiting. But we still involved them from the get go in boat life. In our case, this meant their helping fill and tote jerry jugs of water from the source to the dinghy and to the boat, and siphoning it into the tanks, after its bleach treatment. Landlubbers don't think about where boat water comes from, unless you show them. That boat had pressure water, and we showed them how to use it, turning it off to not waste it during tooth brushing, and hand washing. Rinse-offs after swimming were from the sun shower that we also filled on shore trips, so that it would be available. Our guests were also of the outdoorsy sort, and i think that helps.

But, on our 30 footer, the "sails 6, feeds 4, sleeps 2" world was our reality. Day trips, fine, to get out on the water, sail around the bay, quiet anchorage, then back to the marina.

I think the problem with The Black Pig's guests is that they watch too many YouTubes, and know nothing of the realities of boat life except what someone other than he an his wife do, and that sets up unrealistic expectations. It could also be related to the larger issue that many people who spend a lot of time on social media do not have really good "people skills".

Ann

PS. Be aware, sarcastic, and rude posts have been deleted from this thread. The Community Rules you agreed to when you joined require you to be respectful with your posts, to refrain from sarcasm and rudeness, and to "be nice."

[rikker1]

Originally Posted by yalnud

Sounds to me like you and your wife are just a couple of uptight dinks... I'm surprised you have any freinds at all. Keep up this lifestyle you just and dont qorry they will stop asking all on their own..

I have to agree with yalnud.

My favorite times on my boat are with friends and it makes my day when they ask if they can go out for a sail. I am bored with myself and friends on the boat make life worthwhile, no, fulfilling.

[Pelagic]

I eat eggs and fart a lot!



Seriously, good friends are people you can be totally honest with and it doesn't affect your relationship.
The others..... It doesn't matter!

[oregoncycle]

After being around boats all of my life I have had lots of friends on board. I always make it a lunch or cocktail cruise and never fail to ask friends to bring something for all of us to eat or drink. When we had our 2 stateroom trawler we would tell friends who wanted to go with us for a weekend overnight that they were responsible for lunch and dinner on Saturday. We had many a great meal and it made our life easier.

[Bucket]

Originally Posted by BugzyCan

Can't you just tell them honestly that you do not like to entertain people on your boat, but that you would love to meet someplace else if they are buying. That should take care of it.


Another option would be to hit them with a bill. Oh yes, we do day sailing excursions for friends, the cost is $300 per person, to cover expenses, we don't make a lot of money here on the boat. See if that dissuades them.

Be careful with charging if you are in US waters and do not have a captain’s license. You could get fined by USCG if they find out because your friends mis-spoke. If I’m not mistaken, you can have crew help with expenses, but not charge for their time on your boat unless you are a licensed captain.

[siamese]

We never have overnight guests on our Catalina 28. And we don't live on it...we have a house next to the marina.

But, we enjoy taking people out on the boat. Some enjoy it, while others are oblivious to it.

As you all know, it's important to prescreen guests, and email them the information on what to bring and what to expect. Acquaint them with the head when they get there, show them around, and make sure they're safe.

And then, go have fun. Usually.

Oh, and one of the prescreening tip offs is when they ask how long we'll be out, and then say they really have to be back at such and such a time for some other engagement. I explain that we'll be out for "the better part of the day", and if they have other commitments, it's just not gonna work. Come to think of it, Columbus' crew asked the same thing.

But, not only is it nice to get the right friends onboard, I think it's a good idea to introduce the sport of sailing to new people. That way, the sport might die a little more slowly.

[Simi 60]

Friends are more than welcome on the boat with us.
Cost of admission is bring the niceties that are difficult as on anchor liveaboards to get.

Prawns, artisan bread, good cheeses, good steaks, whatever bits and pieces I need picking up, a few boxes of beer.....