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sundowner · 23-04-2008, 08:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by imagine2frolic

Sundowner,

So did you offer a compromise, tell her my way or the hi way, or still thinking on it?

I've offered various compromises and tried to think of other options or even ask her to come up with ideas, but nothing seems to be working. It appears that if I ever want to do anything like this, it will probably not be with her...

imagine2frolic · 23-04-2008, 09:06

SUNDOWNER,

Sometimes life, and it's decisions aren't easy. Even you deserve to be happy, and have your dreams fulfilled, as well as her......BEST WISHES in what ever the outcome is.........

sundowner · 23-04-2008, 09:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eleven

How is it going so far.
I see you looked at Cats. Don't underestimate the windows.
I see mono's as being in a cellar. On a cat, especially with the glass doors nowadays, you are always connected with the sea rather than being buried in it.
My better half wants to work for a couple of years. We'll get a SMALL flat near her work and she'll take LONG holidays aboard. If she doesn't like the med she's got somewhere to go to see the grandchilders and her family. If she does like it, well the flat is rented, she has to pay the rent from her wages that she wants so badly. I hope, if I don't push her too hard, she'll visit for months and pop back to UK for weeks. If it doesn't work then I'll be asking nyself which I need most. Having seen the answers here there may be regrets but most are still sailing. Be brave, DUCK.

Hey Eleven,
A Cat is probably the way I'll go, if I decide to do this thing. Pretty scary thinking about selling everything (including a very nice house) to buy and live on a boat. Is it truly worth it? Life is short, but do a lot of people regret the life they left behind or do most who choose to sail/liveaboard love it and never look back?

imagine2frolic · 23-04-2008, 09:20

Some do realize the dream is not what they really expected. You can either live with WHAT IF's, or you can give it a chance. If it turns out you don't like it then it is one less WHAT IF in your life. Life is meant to live.

Canibul · 23-04-2008, 09:55

I am on my third marriage, and this time I got it right. So when I tell you this, it's not just academic.

If you don't share the same dreams, the relationship is eventually going south on you anyway. There's no need to find this out the hard way. And the hard way is a lot more expensive than a sail boat.
Trust me.

And there's a trick to finding someone with the same dreams you need to learn as early as you can. Some people will try to adjust their dreams to suit you, because there is something else they think they want that you have. It doesnt work. Eventually it falls apart. And by then it's all gone real bad. But its human nature to try to change to please someone you are attracted to. You might tell her you like cats. She might tell you she could live on a boat. Happens all the time.

You need to find someone who has the same dreams you have, and the only way to be sure is to find someone who had those dreams before they ever met you.

sundowner · 23-04-2008, 13:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Canibul

I am on my third marriage, and this time I got it right. So when I tell you this, it's not just academic.

If you don't share the same dreams, the relationship is eventually going south on you anyway. There's no need to find this out the hard way. And the hard way is a lot more expensive than a sail boat.
Trust me.

And there's a trick to finding someone with the same dreams you need to learn as early as you can. Some people will try to adjust their dreams to suit you, because there is something else they think they want that you have. It doesnt work. Eventually it falls apart. And by then it's all gone real bad. But its human nature to try to change to please someone you are attracted to. You might tell her you like cats. She might tell you she could live on a boat. Happens all the time.

You need to find someone who has the same dreams you have, and the only way to be sure is to find someone who had those dreams before they ever met you.

Thanks for the insights and words of encouragement. She and I did share a lot of similiarities and interests, but apparently not enough. And I think both she and I did try to change a bit on both sides to please the other, but again, I don't think it will be enough if our long term dreams are at odds like this. It is still very hard and sad to have to walk away from it/her.

sundowner · 23-04-2008, 13:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by imagine2frolic

Some do realize the dream is not what they really expected. You can either live with WHAT IF's, or you can give it a chance. If it turns out you don't like it then it is one less WHAT IF in your life. Life is meant to live.

Hi imagine,
You are right about the "what ifs"....they definitely do nag at me and life is meant to be lived.

jamestfisher · 23-04-2008, 13:31

Best advice is take her on a 2 week sailing trip and see how it works out... if you really want to keep going, buy her a plane ticket home and don't look back!
and... best of luck!

neelie · 23-04-2008, 14:09

May I quote Pelagic's Freudian slip:

....":If she doesn’t want to wait until you seriously try the sailing business, Dump Her! ... then give yourself a hand…. you have just escaped the Horse Latitudes!"

Dump her as per the advice of the hard nosed mariners on this forum and the "giving yourself a hand" clause will be a fact of life!.

Thought that would cheer you up!

**David M** · 23-04-2008, 19:36

Sundowner, I would like to introduce you to mermaid.

http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/...hip-14454.html

Hmmmm....there just might be some romance in the air!

David

Minggat · 23-04-2008, 22:34

Glad that's not a choice I have to make.

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" is the opposite of "nothing ventured, nothing gained". So no one can give you the perfect answer. I would like to say that people are more important than things.

My wife burst into tears one sloppy weather weekend one the boat. through her tears she said "I tried and tried many times.... I think you need a new wife".

We are still liveaboards together.

sundowner · 24-04-2008, 11:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorianne Davies

Well, here's my 2$CDN...

My sense is that this will never leave you. If you can compromise for 20 years,raise your kids, survive the treadmill, emerge with your health intact and sock away some money, you'll have another shot at it.

I tried the dream 20 year ago...couldn't find a guy who thought it was funny when the power went out at -10 degrees celsius....I now know that I'll be on my own this time but have a load of sailing friends still hanging around from those days ...those guys never leave you.

So....just make your decision and be willing to live with the consequences...kinda like paying your taxes in my country!

Above all, don't take yourself too seriously and keep your eye on the "best before date" regarding your physical body.

BTW if your girlfriend golfs and likes Porches, I may have man for her!

Lorianne, where are you sailing now?

George Raffa · 03-06-2008, 03:53

More fish in the sea. Go Sailing.

Kaya 09 · 03-06-2008, 06:49

I guess my question to you would be if she was truely someone you wanted to share your life with, the stars align etc.... why is she your girlfriend and not your wife? Surely when she met you the dream must have been discussed? I see too many wives that as girlfriends seem to enjoy their husband's lives and then once married, nothing is ever the same. All of the sudden, thier priorties take precedent and lives are miserable unless it is so. It makes me sad to see. To tell my husband he could not sail would be to tell my husband not to live. I met him, he was a sailor. I married him, he was a sailor. 10 years later, he is still a sailor. Me...I have been converted!