What if chasing the dream means you have to give up a relationship?

[sluissa]

Like everyone else said, in my opinion, yes.

There are plenty of people out there, but you only have one life of your own to enjoy.

[Squeaks]

I don't understand the all-or-nothing of most responses here. If you both want, you can have your cake and eat it too - just not all the time. Hook up where you can and enjoy the commonality you can find. I also think a trial "paradise" charter would be a good trial. My mate, lucky for me, shares the dream to cast off in a couple of years but she hasn't been there as I have and I have to be realistic that she may not take to the reality.
My 2 cents.

[MaDouleur]

Originally Posted by sundowner

I've always wanted to incorporate sailing into a business or at least a long term crusing lifestyle. My girlfriend is great in so many ways, but has pretty much decided that she wouldn't like sailing for more than a week at a time, is more "land based", has claustrophobia, and can't see herself living on a sailboat. She loves me too, but seems like we're coming to an impasse. Is chasing the dream worth losing a relationship?

Obviously the responses are biased since you are posting about a dream of sailing on a sailing board!

However, even if you were posting the same thing on some sort of general relationship board, my response would be the same:

SOME will say that you must sacrifice for a relationship.

MOST will say that a dream unfulfilled will one day lead to regret and bitterness.

Good luck!

- Jake

[Therapy]

Originally Posted by MaDouleur

regret and bitterness.

Uh huh!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pelagic]

So many people use, girlfriends, wives, kids, as excuses why they never followed their own dreams and that is such a “crock of sh*t!”


You should decide what you want and if she wants to be part of it great!

• If she wants to cheer from the sidelines until she knows you are serious and competent, that is also great and perfectly understandable.

• If she doesn’t want to wait until you seriously try the sailing business, Dump Her! ... then give yourself a hand…. you have just escaped the Horse Latitudes!

Just don’t start a long personal journey thinking your gas tank is half empty!

[Daddy's Dream]

This is a decision you will have to make for yourself. But for me, it is an easy kick her to the curb answer.

To me a relationship is all about two people accenting each others life, not taking away from the quality of. I'd keep looking.

[henryk]

My wife only sailed occasionally on the lake here and there ,but she is following me in the pursuit of the dream . She is OK with selling her beloved house that we build 12 years ago ,move with two kids age 8 and 12 on board an old sailboat ,home schooling them ,doing laundry by hand ,no showering (we don't have one on the boat) . Life is not only getting all the time, is also about giving . We, man kind , we always doing what other halves want ,big fancy houses ,driving new cars ,etc . I said, enough is enough ,she dosn't like to go with you, go without her ,you'll never regret it ,you'll only regret it if you wouldn't go.
Fair winds
Henryk , living in 175 days

[Delezynski]

A good friend of mine said it best.....


“I am going cruising, either with this wife or the next one”. Make up your mind, and then let her make the choice. Just be positive about what YOU are going to do.


When Jill and I first met, and she came over to my house, I had an anchor by the fireplace, NOT an ornament. I was very lucky that she decided to shore my dream!


Greg

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by Delezynski

....... I was very lucky that she decided to shore my dream!


Greg

Freudian slip?? (lol)

[Delezynski]

OOooooooppppssss!

"Share", after all, we have been out for over 3 years now!

Greg

[Boracay]

While some lucky persons seem to just jump into a boat and go many look to take two or more years to get their act together.

Jim Trefethen in "The Cruising Life" writes about looking at our motives for wanting to go cruising. He suggests (from memory - my copy has gone walkabout) that we look at our motives. That is, we are deciding to go cruising, not escaping unresolved problems. He suggests that trying to escape only brings our problems with us.

So knowing just how hard it is to find a good relationship I would suggest working through all the issues that you have. i.e. boat, skills, finances, relationships, work, habitation etc.

You may find that once you have gained some sort of resolution that your girlfriend is quite happy to go with you.

Or you could use the method that I saw in Kitplanes magazine - buy magazines, mooch around marinas etc.and generally only look happy when you are sailing. She will either give in or kick you out.

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by Boracay

we are deciding to go cruising, not escaping unresolved problems. He suggests that trying to escape only brings our problems with us.

I wonder.
In our preparations to go, renovating the house etc, we would ponder stuff (stress out about) that now we have gone are put into their propper perspective. It just didn't matter then when we were deciding if it would be "Off White" or "Anitque White". It just doesnt matter now and shouldnt have mattered then, or not to the level of anguish it appeared to.

Maybe 'escaping' can put perspective into the relationship. Buzz off for a few months and if you come back to her, you do. If she has found another bloke in the meantime it means she didnt love you in the first place.

I think escaping where it is bad is escaping debt etc where its not going to stop building etc.


Mark

[camaraderie]

Just reading your post...it is clear to me that you have no future together. One of you will always be unhappy.

[Sandero]

I am like your girlfriend in that I love many land based things, but I also love living the simple life in a sailboat in the warm weather. Cold weather sailing is not something that pulls at me, though I have done it.

When I did live aboard and cruise in the Caribe and Canaries I did not miss what I do no that I am land based and fear I would miss it. I did feel starved for culture in the tropics... I mean high culture like ballet, opera, museums, concerts, and so forth.

I suppose I might be able to have both lives by living in the tropics and come north for needed doses of culture and the arts. Reading is great, DVDS can help, but I like the up close and live experiences. I hardly even do movies anymore.

My wife is a landlubber and is not a passage maker. But over time she has come to enjoy our time and short cruises on the boat and I think she might be OK living in the Caribe, for example, going form island to island and exploring it. Dunno. I plan to find out when she retires and we pack it in and head south.

This is a low intensity small footprint that I aspire to. We may end up in a small shack on an island and give up the boat I suppose. Wife is too precious to lose.

Oh... the cruising past I did mostly alone. Many benefits, and some drawbacks of course.

[sundowner]

Thanks all. I realize that asking this kind of question to other sailors is like getting support from an AA group ;-) She's a wonderful woman who I love her very much and hope we can work things out. I've also looked into getting a catamaran which would provide more space, but long passages would still be tough and even a cat is still very small compared to a house on land.