Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

[Stu Jackson]

I liked the "an adult day care facility" and the clique / high school comments. Seems any large group will do that. When sailing locally and joining new groups, a "newbie" with reasonable sensitivity will meet inidivduals and soon learn who their friends will be. The cruising issue of the "organizing Nazis" reminds me of those "wonderful" type of folks who most often show up prominently in homeowners associations - yuck!

[svmariane]

To the OP... You are not alone; we are akin with you.

And yes, I see the irony of "publicly" declaring ourselves part of a group that avoids groups!

Guess I'm a social coward because I need reasons when saying no to the invites from other boaters, mayhaps trying (however unsuccessfully) to avoid the dreaded "standoffish" label. I typically blame my wife!

Ahh... usually goes like this: Hey! Anyone going to be there that speaks German? Maybe Italian? Some Spanish? No? Well.... that's a problem then with my wife speaking limited English so... thanks, but no thanks. Of course, there's the sometimes response of "But we'll speak sloooowwwllllly for her!" Yeah. After a few drinks kick in? Right.

One boater tried his bit at psychoanalysis, saying "She's not antisocial but asocial." Nope. Better answer: She just doesn't like you. Probably relates to your snide remarks about women being Captain. But I digress.

Look - If I SEE that you're in trouble, or you ASK for some help, then I'll do the best that I can to assist. Wave and say hello when dinghy paths cross? Sure. But making up the numbers for a pot luck, or T-day dinner, or gather 'round the campfire? Nope - just isn't going to happen.

On the other hand... We enjoy going to a local pub when there's a football game being broadcast (guess that's soccer for you yanks). Don't know anybody there, "life stories" aren't demanded or regurgitated, come and go as desired - and nobody discusses anchors.

Thought for the day: Good wine comes in one-litre bottles that two people may enjoy the sunset from the privacy of their own boat. {And Oi! You! Would you mind turning off that bloody genset? Makes it difficult to hear bird's evensong.}


Edit: Second thoughts on the subject. It's mostly boating folk from central north America that we tend to socially avoid. I wonder why that might be...

[Hudson Force]

Originally Posted by svmariane

.......................
Edit: Second thoughts on the subject. It's mostly boating folk from central north America that we tend to socially avoid. I wonder why that might be...

Sure, "folk from central north America"! 'sounds like Kansas,- yes, they are the obnoxious ones! It sure makes it easy when you can identify the truly objectionable people.

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by svmariane

... It's mostly boating folk from central north America that we tend to socially avoid. I wonder why that might be...

I think it's because Kansans play rough/tough real football.

Soccer? Heck, we let schoolgirls play that stuff.

(I jest.)

[Hudson Force]

Oh no, now we're going to hear from all the "Kansas lovers"! Don't you just hate to hear of people judging others by race, geography, ethnicity, sex, blood type or how high they pull up their socks!

[Pelagic]

Originally Posted by atoll

sorry if you have taken my comments personally ,they were not meant that way,more a generalization on the state of cruising these days!,and its decline and commercialization by those who see the lifestyle as a retirement plan or sabatical,on well funded budgets.

these people interact rarely,can't be bothered to haggle,display enourmous wealth in poor communities,and leave in their wake an expectation amongst the locals that westeners are easy targets,and indifferent to thier poverty.

Atoll, when you apply Generalities to a specific group of relatively new cruisers that aspire to the lifestyle you described, it can be viewed by many as Stereotyping and offensive.

Just as a new cruiser might wrongly describe a long time marine professional delivery-cruising type as:
“an opportunistic sailor whose self-appointed squatter beliefs resents the increase in yachting popularity, which ironically helps to fund their lifestyle.”

Doesn’t sound nice…Does it?

[klmmicro]

I am a mellow guy who no longer drinks or really parties. I do enjoy mingling with a few friends on the dock and sharing in "work details" to help others. I enjoy the quiet times spent aboard with my feet propped up. I guess this puts me in the middle of it as I can be part of wither group when it pleases me.

I respect the rights of others to be the way they wish to be. If they choose to be recluse, that is fine as is the opposite. I guess it comes down to being happy and living life the way you wish.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by CaptForce

Oh no, now we're going to hear from all the "Kansas lovers"! Don't you just hate to hear of people judging others by race, geography, ethnicity, sex, blood type or how high they pull up their socks!

I don't think he has any idea where Kansas is. He's referring to Americans. Residents of the good old U.S.A.

I'm not sure where he's from, but that's the type of bigot I'd rather not run into anywhere. I don't judge anyone by their pocketbook, race or ethnicity, I judge them on their individual merits.


As for the main topic of this thread, I find it kind of odd. Cruising is a lot like RVing, except for on the water instead of on land. Sure there are RVers who dry camp way out in the boonies to get away from the big crowds who circle up and party together at night around the campfire. Most RVers are social types who want to get out and meet people.


If I were that antisocial, I wouldn't buy a boat and pull in where other boaters could bother me. I'd buy a cabin on a small parcel of land way out in the middle of nowhere and lock the door. That's how you get away from people, if that's truly your intent.

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by svmariane

Edit: Second thoughts on the subject. It's mostly boating folk from central north America that we tend to socially avoid. I wonder why that might be...

That's too bad. I'm not an introvert, but not really much of an extrovert either. I like to mingle a little, but my wife is the real extrovert. She's usually the life of the party. She really loves to dance, and when she's had a few drinks, she loves to dance with everyone.

[jongleur]

Where can I meet your wife?


....oh that's not your...

[GILow]

Well we are hardly experienced cruisers, but I certainly relate to the OP on this one.

In our limited experience, I have noted that the more organised events seem to become a sort of our-boat-is-better-than-your-boat pissing contest (at least in our club) which is really no fun at all. People going to silly levels to present their boat as some kind of palace, rather than just a fun part of their life, in one case organising a catering company to bring the food just to really impress.

Not comfortable for me.

The best events have been the small spontaneous let's do a main course on your boat and desert on our boat things, lots of fun and much less contrived.

Matt

[socaldmax]

Originally Posted by GILow

Well we are hardly experienced cruisers, but I certainly relate to the OP on this one.

In our limited experience, I have noted that the more organised events seem to become a sort of our-boat-is-better-than-your-boat pissing contest (at least in our club) which is really no fun at all. People going to silly levels to present their boat as some kind of palace, rather than just a fun part of their life, in one case organising a catering company to bring the food just to really impress.

Not comfortable for me.

The best events have been the small spontaneous let's do a main course on your boat and desert on our boat things, lots of fun and much less contrived.

Matt

Are you sure that's why they did it? It really seems to me that rather than simply enjoying their hospitality, you feel a need to compete with them.

I knew a guy like that. Every time one of us bought a new trailer, a new car, a new toy, a new sandrail - he felt that they were challenging him to keep up with the Joneses. I tried to explain to him that these people, friends of his, truly did not go out and spend tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars just to make him feel inferior or try to keep up with them.

It's all about being comfortable with who you are and what you do or don't have. I've camped with multimillionaires, and been invited to their homes and compounds for pool parties, etc. Not once did I ever feel intimidated by their generosity or hospitality (I did politely decline an offer to go gambling, apparently the host would hand you stacks of hundreds to gamble at whatever game of chance you preferred, the winnings were yours to keep.) but instead I enjoyed the great food, the fantastic decorations, the excellent bartending, and simply thanked my hosts at the end of the night.

I've been told a couple of times that they enjoyed my company because I could tell a good joke as well as take a joke, and I didn't act starstruck or defensive, just treated them like normal people. Of course I avoid pretentious people like the plague, so I suppose my being nonplussed at their wealth and their desire to find someone to just connect with and share a good time without being treated like someone special fit together well.

I don't like all people, but I do like nice people, and I've met a lot of them in a lot of interesting places, from all walks of life. By closing yourself off from people, you're missing out on one of life's great pleasures. I have no illusions, I'll never be able to visit all of the places I'd like to before I die. But through conversations with others, I hope to feel some of the excitement they felt when they explored places I'll never go to.

[GILow]

Originally Posted by socaldmax

Are you sure that's why they did it? It really seems to me that rather than simply enjoying their hospitality, you feel a need to compete with them.

Wow, thank you for that free psychoanalysis. It saved a fortune I might have paid to my shrink to reach a better understanding of my inner insecurities.

Matt

[GILow]

Originally Posted by Sulaire

I think that the crowd round the potlucks have changed in the last 30 years to a more controlling and show off sort.

+1.

More eloquantly put than my garbled version, though I have no history to compare to, I have heard others at our club express similar sentiments.

Matt

[laika]

In my short time on the water so far I've met a lot of really great people. Also the occasional blowhard or egotist. I've met nice rich folk on enormous boats, scoundrels on small ones, and so forth.

I like that there tends to be more diversity yet also a greater sense of empathy and shared experience. I generally see less petty judgement than on land and a greater drive to learn, help, share and simply live while taking less for granted.

I'm not an extrovert, but I like people as long as I'm not stuck in a room or boat with them with no escape route