Shy Cruising or don't invite me to the Potluck :)

[Airshac]

Here are some boat names I would suggest-
"Stay away- this means you"
"Maintain a boat lengths distance" or
"I fart in your general direction!"

[bigpuff]

Its funny reading the many varied comments on this issue, It shows the varied type of people sailing the oceans now. when I started to run into another cruiser was the high-light of a month at sea, I must admit I do tend to look for the more remote bays, Though after a week or so at sea usually on my own I still get the channels and like to have a bit of a blow out.I guess what im saying enjoy the wind its still free

[Nadineon31]

I have read through every single post on this thread with interest because (1)it is a subject I am fully interested in and (2) we are in the initial stages of planning to go cruising, so I am reading everything about everything on forums such as these. My hubby and I have caravanned/bush lodged etc., in the past and I must admit we are not into rallies, organised social events and get-togethers. In fact, even our church socials and "bring-and-shares" (potlucks) were to be endured rather than enjoyed! We too will stick to ourselves and not feel guilty or be pressurized into accepting any invitation we are not completely comfortable with and a simple "sorry, cant make it" will just have to suffice. It just boils down to the fact that we are private people, happy in each other's company, with our own interests and hobbies and we would have worked way too hard to buy our boat and sail her away (our way) without having to be obligated to people who talk or laugh too loud, push too hard or who wish to place their social expectations on me.

[Canibul]

I've been informed that I am not "anti-social" but that a more accurate description in my case is 'a-social'. This means that I just basically don't really enjoy other people's company 95% of the time. It's not that I don't like them, just that I don't find them interesting enough to justify the hassle or distraction of having to deal with them. And this isn't a snooty kind of thing at all. Quite frankly, I fail to understand why anyone would want to strike up a conversation in a grocery store line with me, either. I don't feel superior to strangers in grocery lines, I just have absolutely zero interest in their day, activities, lives, plans or thoughts about what I am doing.

It's not an 'aloof' thing, either. A more accurate description would be that my mind is almost constantly involved in purposes of it's own, and doesn't welcome social distractions. They are annoyances.

Given a choice between spending the next thirty minutes talking to a stranger or splicing a line, I will choose to splice the line in solitude 100% of the time. I don't want to chat about splicing the line. I don't want to demonstrate, discuss, or compare splicing the line. I don't want to be questioned about splicing the line, nor do I get some enjoyment from teaching someone else to splice a line. I just prefer to be left alone to splice it. I just don't need, seek, or enjoy social interaction. I am quite happy for long stretches of time without seeing another human, and when I do see someone else after a long period alone, it's typically a feeling of "oh drat, now the mood is ruined and I have to deal with this person now". I don't rememember going longer than a week or two without human interaction, but that's only because the opportunity just hasn't been there yet. I've done a couple weeks in the woods alone with archery equipment many times and I am quite happy to not have other people around. After about the third day of not hearing a human voice, it almost starts feeling like a spiritual experience after a while. I am always sorry when it's over.

Anything over about six people total is an unwelcome crowd to me. And I've never understood this urge many people have to assemble a dozen or more people in a restaurant to spend meal time shouting back and forth to each other. I like quite meals. Alone is good. For some reason, eating does not generate this need to suddenly start talking to other people.

[Blue Crab]

Amen Brudda.

[Seymore]

Originally Posted by Svdestiny

I was reading Kenomac's thread re "what you enjoy most about cruising" or something and I noticed that a LOT of people really like the social aspect. Me? I (and my husband) I cruise to get AWAY from people. Anyone else?

I guess I'm shy? I don't dislike people, it's just that my stomach goes in knots when I meet them. I would do anything to help anyone, or volunteer my husband it's just that I prefer to not group up like most cruisers.

I hate pot lucks, raft ups, get togethers, volley ball ( well not really I like playing sports but not watching them) buddy boating, that weird domino game, weather lectures etc. I find people interesting on a one to one basis, ( unless they are boring) but it tires me out and leaves me worried if I was "ok".

Am I, and my husband, so very very different in a lifestyle that is different to begin with? There must be other shy cruisers out there? I can't be the only one that doesn't ramble on about making instant friends or a zillion of them.

Just curious.

Yup, me too, just like that. I hate cocktail parties, I can't hold up one end of a converstaion. I don't drink alcohol or smoke, and don't intend to try to relate to people who've had two drinks.

I do like potlucks (I eat! ) and weather lectures.

I don't usually find people interesting, for myself. Talking to people doesn't leave me worried about if I was OK any more, since I've got a boat and living aboard I'm <snifft> superior.

[Jim Cate]

G'Day Canibul,

First, let me be clear that you and everyone else should seek their own way through life, and if solitude is your nirvana, so be it. I just feel a bit sorry for you, but that's my prejudices coming to the fore (I quite like most interaction with fellow humans, especially fellow cruisers, and derive considerable pleasure from such).

But, and this is a serious and honest question, if solitude and freedom from having to interact with others is your goal, how have you amassed nearly 2500 posts here on CF? Does indirect communication differ somehow from direct? My curiosity stems from observing that for many younger folks these days, indirect (texting) comms have greatly replaced face to face ones. I can but wonder how that will affect the world and how folks get along in the future. From my older person's outlook, one looses a great deal of useful info when not in face to face dialog. The use of "smiley faces" is posited as a digital substitute for body language, but I don't agree at all, for one is a conscious expression and the other is kinda autonomous and uncontrollable (except in the case of great poker players!).

If you care to expound on this, I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

Jim

[minaret]

Originally Posted by Jim Cate

G'Day Canibul,

First, let me be clear that you and everyone else should seek their own way through life, and if solitude is your nirvana, so be it. I just feel a bit sorry for you, but that's my prejudices coming to the fore (I quite like most interaction with fellow humans, especially fellow cruisers, and derive considerable pleasure from such).

But, and this is a serious and honest question, if solitude and freedom from having to interact with others is your goal, how have you amassed nearly 2500 posts here on CF? Does indirect communication differ somehow from direct? My curiosity stems from observing that for many younger folks these days, indirect (texting) comms have greatly replaced face to face ones. I can but wonder how that will affect the world and how folks get along in the future. From my older person's outlook, one looses a great deal of useful info when not in face to face dialog. The use of "smiley faces" is posited as a digital substitute for body language, but I don't agree at all, for one is a conscious expression and the other is kinda autonomous and uncontrollable (except in the case of great poker players!).

If you care to expound on this, I would be interested to hear your thoughts.

Jim

I find the many degrees of this syndrome displayed here interesting. For instance, I am extremely outgoing and will not hesitate to strike up a conversation with a stranger just about anywhere. I love people-about .5% of them. The rest I find boring or offensive. Therefore I hate crowds and large events, because it's more difficult to identify who is actually worth talking to. I do much better when I can pick and choose who I invite into my life/spend time with. Because I'm not good at unnecessary social niceties either. I'm sure my viewpoint has been skewed by all my big city livin'.

[sailorchic34]

I'll take a swing at this. CF is basically my social interaction with the world. OR a big part of it. The internet is a perfect means for introverts to interact without being immersed in a crowded room, where I'm overwhelmed reading all the body language at once. Sort of like listening to four or more songs at the same time. Too much information. Factor in that I don't drink, smoke, do drugs and never have and I'm a pretty boring person.

I've always been that way. So I adapt. I find that I love sailing and living aboard. So interacting on a forum for me is perfect. There is far less stimuli, I have to worry about compared to a classroom, or bar. Sailing for me allows me to get away. I enjoy it, partly because it allows me to escape the hectic world of land life.

I sort of fell into engineering, and it let's me focus like a laser on a problem till its solved. I become so focus sometimes that I don't hear others talking to me and hours pass. My idea of a fun time is solving a difficult problem. Or relaxing with grumpy cat watching the sun set, while pondering 42.

The closest I've come to group activities was studying martial arts or bicycle racing. I still love biking, though at a much slower pass. I really never did the bar thing and did not date all that much. Sorry no, I really don't want to go out, hurts guys and I don't like that. I don't want to hurt peoples feelings, so I avoid situations, where that might happen.

It's not so much that I'm anti-social, but that it seems from my point of perspective that many people are talking about things that I have not studied. Such as sports, or politics, tv shows or what someone wore to the gathering. I just don't have a respond to those things.

I have read at least two books or a a week for, hum, 46 years. Thats not counting all the engineering manuals, design guides, etc I would read at lunch or on planes. I read a bit and I do that for fun.

When I talk about engineering, or computers, or science, or even sailing eyes start glazing over rather quickly. Really it's like I'm talking Klingon. There's just not a lot of commonality. Even my family thinks I'm just a little off, and I very well may be. I just turned 59 and somehow I don't see myself changing ways all that much. Social events for me are just very uncomfortable. They always have been too.

But I can come online and chat here without feeling any real pressure. Sure I can read between the lines and get a 'feel" for who the other people are and how they think. But overall the information is not at all overwelming and gee sometimes enjoyable. But then that's just me and how it feels being here.

[Jim Cate]

Minaret and SC34...

Thank you both for your open discussions. Well expressed, both of you! I share a lot of your feelings. Minaret, like you, I can and do strike up conversations with strangers... and all too often, regret it! Boring and offensive... yep, BTDT! But on the other hand, some fascinating associations have been realized this way. It is a gamble, with small odds, but the payoff can be great, and really, the costs for a bad choice are pretty small. And SC, I share your dislike for many of the common subjects of "polite conversation with strangers". TV? Celebrities? Sports events? Politics? Sheesh, who wants to talk about those things??? Who gives a ****? It's kinda a threshold cutoff: if those things are important to someone, I'm not likely to want to prolong the conversation!

But here on CF, one can to some degree control with whom one converses, and discontinue the conversation if it offends or bores. Yet, there is a common interest that bonds us all, and the chances of finding an interesting or stimulating companion are far better than in the open population. And in the end of course, we have the moderators to protect us from harm!! A pleasant environment for the most part.

So, thank you for what you have revealed. I think I would enjoy personal contact with either of you should our wakes ever cross, and I promise to never stray into Yahoo land if that should happen!

Jim

[rgscpat]

I lean more toward the introvert side and will often prefer a good book or solo time on the water. And big crowds are a lot of work and bother, but I'll put up with them from time to time, and I mostly enjoy small groups. And sometimes I will strike up a conversation with strangers and have fun with it, and sometimes I'll even act like an extrovert, though it takes a bit of energy. It does help if people are interested in things to talk about that have a bit of "meat" or substance to them and if the people aren't too doctrinaire / brainwashed / pig-headed / one-sided about some of the more hot-button stuff... and that's not just about anchors. Boring and shallow are turn-offs, along with loud and drunk, and various True Believer Zombies. But people who can teach me some little piece of "how the world works" -- stuff like music, nuts-and-bolts politics, history, mechanical & repair skills, technical stuff, science, creative arts, whatever -- fascinate me.
I wonder... is the average sailor just a bit more introverted and contemplative than the average go-fast-power boater/jet skier? And within sailors, are Hunter and Beneteau owners a touch more gregarious than Westsail owners? And, of course, I'd assume racers are, on average, more extroverted than long-distance cruisers. And high-latitudes cruisers are typically more introverted than Med and Caribbean cruisers.
So, purely for entertainment/identification purposes, let's try running a scale:
1 ultimate raging obnoxious loud introvert who would die
without tons of constant 24/7 social interaction
12 Bill Clinton, former president, USA
17 used car salespersons
18 door-to-door salespersons
20 Amway, Mary Kay, Herbalife MLM salespeople
22 Captain John Paul Jones
24 average for jet skiers, wake boarders, and water skiers
25 Captain Kirk (Star Trek)
26 Sir Francis Drake
27 Jimmy Buffett fans
27 Captain Jack Aubrey (Patrick O'Brian novels)
28 Admiral Lord (Horatio) Nelson
28 Captain Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
29 marina potluck organizers
30 average Cigarette boat owner
31 Popeye the Sailor Man
32 Captain Edward Smith, RNR (Titanic)
33 Sport boat/dinghy racing sailors
37 average racer
39 Catamaran owners
41 average Beneteau, Jeanneau, or Hunter owner
42 average Caribbean sailor
45 average Med sailor
50 average Catalina owner
52 Jessica Watson
55 typical sailor
57 Tania Aebi
60 average high-latitude sailor
61 Sir Francis Chichester
63 Robin Lee Graham (Dove)
65 me
67 average Westsail owner
69 Captain William Bligh
75 Joshua Slocum, Bernard Moitessier
80 Captain Queeg (Caine Mutiny)
93 Donald Crowhurst
100 total hermit closet underground introvert who has forgotten human languages and is doing quite well after ten years in a cave

[Bat]

Originally Posted by s/v Jedi

We won't take "no" for an answer! Drag you by the hairs out of that dark cave, force you into "sail fast, live slow" T-shirts, on to the over-organized hi-di-hi, ho-di-ho designated area, put you at a table to play Mexican Train dominoes, every 5 minutes start screaming and demand that every player swaps seats with other players, then put a paper crown on your head when you win.

not.done.yet.



drag you away from the dominoes, empty a bottle of cheap rum into your throat, then a half pack of cigarettes so smoke smoke smoke, or would you prefer p0t?! Now we shout, shout and dance, dance, drink, drink, smoke more, jump into the pool and out and on and on it goes!

We'll put some decent social skills into y'all

OMG!
That sounds like some horrible nightmare I would wake up screaming and sweating from.

[Blue Crab]

Originally Posted by Bat

OMG!
That sounds like some horrible nightmare I would wake up screaming and sweating from.

I've been laughing about that post for years now. Regards.

[wooden head]

It took me the better part of 30 years to finally understand my wife doesn't need to "come out of her shell" she is perfect the way she is. Crowds drain energy from her she can do some but she needs room to retreat and she may need time after to be alone to recharge. I, on the other hand, gain energy from groups. I need a certain level of contact to keep my batteries charged, I still need alone time too but not too the same degree. My wife calls me a social vampire, sucking the life energy from others like her. One is not better than the other just different. I can be painfully shy but I still need social interaction. For a long time I did not understand this is not the only "normal".

Sent from my SM-N910T using Cruisers Sailing Forum mobile app

[captain58sailin]

If you really want to keep people away tell them you are refitting down in your bilge, ever since I have started that, not even my good friends have been by to visit. They are perfectly willing to commiserate with me at the coffee shop when I take a break and stop in to cry on their shoulders, not one has come to help me out though. Usually when someone adds alcohol to a group of people in a social setting there usually someone who has imbibed enough to think their opinion of everything is the over riding topic of the day. That is off putting to me to say the least. Right now I am too busy cleaning and re-plumbing my bilges to party, anyone want to come down and help me swab out the grease and oily water? Shaft repacking is the next job up for bids.