Looking For Ideas - May Give Up

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by JPA Cate

Chotu, maybe you could try seeing it as 6 months spent, helping your good lady work through stuff, maybe a year, if it took that. It is the kind of investment that pays off in the long run, in emotional, if not fiduciary terms.

Plus, it gives you a while to buzz off and maybe see/do some bucket list things, and you both can be as separate as you (both) want.


Ann

Bingo!

That’s exactly what I’m seeing it as.

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by Lake-Effect

... so how do you fit into that? Also living aboard there? Is this person going to be your life partner? Would this person do well as you continue to finish the boat? And is this course of action truly to her long-term benefit... and yours? Don't make yourself depressed by trying to fix someone else's depression.

I would do anything for my partner but we have over 30 years together... the commitment is there. Til death, etc etc. Boats are for sailing, not housing for someone else.

Just my 2 cents.

Yes, this is my life partner. I hope to do a bit of staying on the boat and a bit of RVing... I suppose with the RV I already have.

It will give me a little more time to see if this boat is something that will keep me in sailing. If it rekindles the very ho hum feeling I have at sea.

It will also remove me from being so involved in the day to day ups and downs of her battle to overcome her issues. I’m being there for her to give her a spot to stay. But I’m checking out of the depression stuff for a bit to do my own thing.

And... it gives me a little more chance to not eat the whole elephant at once and give more consideration to keeping the boat ultimately or not. I still haven’t been able to make that decision.

But, on the downside, it’s hundreds more hours to spend on it. More money and time doing the delivery. However, the delivery will be very educational. I hope it helps me see if I still like time spent at sea.

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by Gadagirl

IMHO you need to seek out proffessional life counseling advice. You are still in shock from your recent health events and, again, IMHO, should not at this time be making anything other than rudimentary life decisions. You, yoursslf, are in depression, or suffering some form of transition or even PTSD. You need a proffessional, not an online forum, to offer feedback. We're still here to converse with, offer comradery, but I'd urge you to care for yourself and seek councilling for yourself first and foremost. Especially before making these important life decisions.

Ooohhhh!!! Yes!!!

I like this idea. I just don’t know where to find a life counselor that is any good. They seem a little “scammy” to me as many aren’t qualified in any way.

Where can I find ones that have successfully helped many other people?

[AKA-None]

Originally Posted by Chotu

Ooohhhh!!! Yes!!!

I like this idea. I just don’t know where to find a life counselor that is any good. They seem a little “scammy” to me as many aren’t qualified in any way.

Where can I find ones that have successfully helped many other people?

You don’t find them they find you when you aren’t looking

[lestersails]

Originally Posted by Chotu

But the heart attack has forced me to think of the future as finite.

There are those who know their days are numbered, and those who are lying to themselves. I am with you in spirit, I hope you can surmount this.
Fair winds.

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by lestersails

There are those who know their days are numbered, and those who are lying to themselves. I am with you in spirit, I hope you can surmount this.
Fair winds.

Thank you!

Still wrestling with these ideas in the thread. I’ve realized boating is something I like to do with a partner. Not by myself. It’s not as fun for me solo. In fact, it’s a bit of a burden meeting new people traveling by yourself of a boat if you are an anchor out, as I am.

I can think of many times I’ve missed social engagements because a thunderstorm or just the wind popped up and I couldn’t safely get ashore in a dinghy and had to cancel.

My girlfriend needs a chance to have her own space (but wants me to be there) and craves for a stationary life for a while. To do over the top decorating. To have her own responsibility with her own independent budget and to go to therapy in a routine. Since she joined me right out of her (abusive) parents’ home, who can blame her?

We’ve talked about just making the boat stationary and me still finishing that. She likes that if she can have one if the rooms to decorate in an over the top way.

So I’m faced with the same dilemma. Do I move the boat somewhere and keep going? Or do I just cut my losses (in time and money) and sell it, doing RVs and flying out to various countries for my need to travel?

I guess we are currently incompatible with the way we want to live. But at the same time we don’t want to lose each other. She understands my need to NOT have a routine and completely stationary life and I understand her need for the same at this point in her life. She’s never had it.

She may come around to find a ho hum stationary life is boring, then again she may end up enjoying that life. I don’t know what the outcome will be. So I have to make a choice for myself and myself only. With zero data on what the future will hold.

It’s not getting any easier.

[rslifkin]

If you keep boating, what about having friends join as crew for various segments of a trip when your girlfriend isn't with you? I know a few people that have done it successfully (pick up Joe on Thursday in whatever town, drop him off next Wednesday, Mike arrives Friday, etc.).

For now, you have both the boat and the RV. So maybe do some boat travel to get it to a good spot for it to sit for a while while your GF lives on it and maybe (on the decorating thought) gets some more interior together on it. Once the boat is settled, take off in the RV while she's doing boat stuff. Then once each of you has been doing your thing for some period of time, you can get a sense of what has been working, what hasn't, and maybe have a better idea of what each of you wants / needs going forward (and what lifestyle, travel method, etc. works out best).

[Lake-Effect]

Idea: rent an RV for a month [or use what you have] and put in some time together. No obligations, no travel agenda, so you can stay somewhere or travel around as the mood takes you. Relax, indulge, enjoy, make plans.

There are a few possible outcomes:

• you will grow closer as a couple, build trust, and form a stronger bond
• you will make plans, they will gell and become more detailed, and you both will become excited about putting them into action
• you will make plans and find out that the other had something different in mind, or the plans change weekly and never seem to gell
• you will have a nice time together but find that maybe you aren't meant for a lifetime together
• you will find out that you don't love each other.

Your frank posts suggest that you're still at a crossroads with everything... so to me it seems wisest to accept that, take the pressure off yourselves, and allow yourselves the time and space to spend time together and see how that goes.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by goboatingnow

As yes a car park disguised as a parking lot

Sure sure I go to supermarkets while cruising , typically in and out as quickly as possible , mostly I try to avoid them and use local stores, markets and green grocers etc

Mind you on some small islands a “ supermarket “ is a somewhat amusing concept.

Oh and anywhere I know where rigs can park up on the outskirts of a major city connected by transit system tend to sell everything by the hour !!

So no real difference in terms of stopping at grocery stores, markets, etc...you will wind up visiting but you don't need to stay overnight.

As far as overnight parking locations:
In Germany, search for Stellplatz.
In France, Aire de Service
I know they have them in other countries but haven't had need to research them. On non-RV trips, I've seen them as we travel around, so it's just a matter of doing a little research.

Exact pricing scheme will vary from location to location but we found them to be quite reasonable. Looking back...found a couple that were free (power and water you paid for if wanted). Paid sites ran from 10-35euro per night and we were able to find sites that connected to transit.

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by Chotu

I’m also wondering what happens if they start really clamping down on emissions and I have a big RV.

Both in Europe & N. America...the market is too large to just outlaw them. There may be a gradual shift but plenty of time to use one.

Keep in mind, just like boats, they are depreciating assets...dump $500k into a diesel pusher Motorhome (very easy to do) and expect to have a fraction of that in 10yrs. Of course, there is no need to spend anything close to that. Our current setup is under $30k for truck (used) and trailer (new).

[valhalla360]

Originally Posted by Chotu

Thank you for adding this.

This has now become a focal point of the decision making.

Camping is great for this.

Sure you can head off into the back country if you want some alone time but if you stop in campgrounds, lot of like minded people to compare notes and discuss destinations. The nice thing is you can switch from one to the other in just a couple hours.

Obviously, you don't have to share her medical history but if it's a more recent covid related development, there's a good chance treatment and time may address a lot of it. If not, part time options may be a good choice. Get an apartment or small house, so she has the stability she craves and do shorter trips (with or without her depending on her needs).

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by valhalla360

Camping is great for this.

Sure you can head off into the back country if you want some alone time but if you stop in campgrounds, lot of like minded people to compare notes and discuss destinations. The nice thing is you can switch from one to the other in just a couple hours.

Obviously, you don't have to share her medical history but if it's a more recent covid related development, there's a good chance treatment and time may address a lot of it. If not, part time options may be a good choice. Get an apartment or small house, so she has the stability she craves and do shorter trips (with or without her depending on her needs).

We’ve been talking today (while traveling and camping though Crested Butte, Gunnison, etc... wow it’s amazing here).

This is the plan. She needs a place of her own for a bit. That stability and ability to do what she wants with her own place. Might be handy for me to have a place to stay as a base. Then I still get the RV freedom.

I think I have a damn good pre-built epoxy/foam hull that already floats and can move under its own power to sell someone.

Nothing is Covid related. We have made it a point not to get Covid through any loopholes. It’s from a traumatic upbringing which she jumped from straight to traveling with me.

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by Lake-Effect

Idea: rent an RV for a month [or use what you have] and put in some time together. No obligations, no travel agenda, so you can stay somewhere or travel around as the mood takes you. Relax, indulge, enjoy, make plans.

There are a few possible outcomes:

• you will grow closer as a couple, build trust, and form a stronger bond
• you will make plans, they will gell and become more detailed, and you both will become excited about putting them into action
• you will make plans and find out that the other had something different in mind, or the plans change weekly and never seem to gell
• you will have a nice time together but find that maybe you aren't meant for a lifetime together
• you will find out that you don't love each other.

Your frank posts suggest that you're still at a crossroads with everything... so to me it seems wisest to accept that, take the pressure off yourselves, and allow yourselves the time and space to spend time together and see how that goes.

This is kind of what we settled on. We’re traveling with the RV now. Things are slowly getting more clear. (See my previous post)

I think I have to sell and go with RVs for a while. She needs an apartment for a while.

We need to allow the time and space to both experience different things exactly as you said. We both feel we will still be the major point in the other’s life, but we need 2 different things for now.

I have to choose for myself. Then the chip will fall where they may later.

I think I’m choosing RVs for the flexibility, low time commitment, low budgetary commitment and ease of doing work related things.

Absolutely hate to swallow the anchor, but for now, it’s looking like the right thing to do despite all the rule and money and the fact I could never get a boat of this quality in the future. I can, however, get a little trimaran later for the joy of sailing and that may be good enough.

[Chotu]

Originally Posted by rslifkin

If you keep boating, what about having friends join as crew for various segments of a trip when your girlfriend isn't with you? I know a few people that have done it successfully (pick up Joe on Thursday in whatever town, drop him off next Wednesday, Mike arrives Friday, etc.).

For now, you have both the boat and the RV. So maybe do some boat travel to get it to a good spot for it to sit for a while while your GF lives on it and maybe (on the decorating thought) gets some more interior together on it. Once the boat is settled, take off in the RV while she's doing boat stuff. Then once each of you has been doing your thing for some period of time, you can get a sense of what has been working, what hasn't, and maybe have a better idea of what each of you wants / needs going forward (and what lifestyle, travel method, etc. works out best).

As it turns out from conversations lately, the boat still isn’t “hers”. She needs an apartment. I have to choose solely for myself and see what happens in the future.

She will be in an apartment an I will be in the RV I guess.

You don’t happen to have the blueprints for a time machine where I can send the catamaran into the future do you? Ha ha. Would love to just mothball it until I know what I want. But carrying the worry and expense to not use it is rough.

[rslifkin]

Originally Posted by Chotu

As it turns out from conversations lately, the boat still isn’t “hers”. She needs an apartment. I have to choose solely for myself and see what happens in the future.

She will be in an apartment an I will be in the RV I guess.

You don’t happen to have the blueprints for a time machine where I can send the catamaran into the future do you? Ha ha. Would love to just mothball it until I know what I want. But carrying the worry and expense to not use it is rough.

That's an unfortunate one. It does seem like the options right now are to either sell it, or to find cheap storage somewhere that you can protect it from the elements, and then figure out sell vs use in a year or 2.