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Old 26-07-2016, 20:01   #1
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How to be a hood ornament on a Newport 30

Regardless of our knowledge and abilities at what ever it is that we are doing, sometimes we are going to screw up. In sailing we hope that the screw up is not anywhere that it can be witnessed.

But we all know, when we pull off some fantastic feat of seaman ship no one is around, but mess up and the whole bloody marina will be entertained.

It is a great weekend after noon and I had to give a check out to one of our members on a Newport 30. He was pretty good, worked hard at his lessons, and loved sailing.

I stand off an easy distance and let him do all of the pre sailing checks and get the vessel totally ready to sail. I have a long list and write down points for each item.

He singled handed ( with me on board ) and departed the fairway under sail, no engine. The check ride went perfect. Until I stuck my prize fighter nose into the mix. Oh, did I mention it was Happy Hour and most of the returning boat crews were well into their after sailing rums up at the Warehouse Restaurant outside bar, that overlooked our docks

He has the jib down and cruising furled on the deck away from the side that we are docking on, fenders set, dock lines led and ready. He has the main sheet run out and controlling our speed holding on the sheet with one hand smoothly letting it in and out to control our approach speed.

He is looking great, I am out of his way up forward of the mast. he has a perfect approach. I open my big mouth and say, " Luff up the main, you have It made. "

He does and the boat slows, and slows and is just short of the end of the the finger slip.

" My Fault, I'll get off at the bow !. " ( Big NO-NO ...Never get off at the bow). So, I break one of my stead fast rules.

Oh, this is going to get really good.

I step over the bow pulpit, top sider toes barely on the prow, with the bow dock line in one hand, the other wrapped around the head stay.

We inch closer and closer. Ah-ha, I can step back on to the dock , while facing the boat and easily step off and haul the Newport 30 into the fairway. No worries.

As I step back, my foot reaching out for the dock, the front of my belt catches securely on the bow anchor that is fastened to the bow pulpit.

Now, both of my feet are hanging in space, and the rest of me , arms , legs etc, are waving around as I am hanging from the bow by my belly button. Am I looking good or what ! Yep , very impressive.

The boat inches closer and closer as the member brings in the main a bit
and we inch closer and closer. I have pulled myself up by the headstay and get free of the capturing anchor.

Now I can reach my foot to the dock, and pull the boat in.

Securing the vessel to the dock, rousing good cheers, claps, whistles , and cat calls and boos came blasting from the whole fleet of the sailing club members who had already returned for the day and resorted to ruming on the outside sitting area of the Warehouse Bar.

How was I going to recover from this ? With a flourish I took a deep bow, the boos got louder, and told my student he had passed his check ride, and to meet me for rum with the wild bunch up at the bar.

Lesson: I learned to keep my big mouth shut, and re-enforced one of my major rules...NEVER GET OFF THE BOAT AT THE BOW.

As far as I am aware, this is the only instance of a living breathing human hood ornament flailing off the bow of a 30 foot sailing vessel in front of a bar full of sailing sots.
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Old 26-07-2016, 21:16   #2
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Re: How to be a hood ornament on a Newport 30

I just hope someone at the bar's gonna upload their i-phone video to YouTube. You know somebody got it.
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Old 26-07-2016, 22:53   #3
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Re: How to be a hood ornament on a Newport 30

Good story! I'm sure you had some interesting thoughts flash through your mind as you were adorning the anchor As me, I'd have been somewhat occupied by the pull of my shorts on my more sensitive bits. In high school we even came up with a saying for such self maiming type episodes.

You entertain any thoughts of doing a DIY solo keel hauling when you were up there? That would have been priceless. Especially for your student. LOL

But overall, Ouch! That had to hurt, in several ways. Especially when your other half heard of it... or has she not been privy to said tale yet? No worries, I'm sure your best mates will fill her in about it after a few cocktails pretty soon

The Uncommon Thing, The Hard Thing, The Important Thing (in Life): Making Promises to Yourself, And Keeping Them.
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Old 26-11-2016, 00:33   #4
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Re: How to be a hood ornament on a Newport 30

We call them Wedgies in Oz...
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hood, men, newport

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