How Much Abuse do you Tolerate on Your Boat

[TheThunderbird]

This summer I hosted for free (100%) a number of person to relief me from solo-sailing, for having company and conversation. Several nationalities, ages, and sex

No more then 2pxs on a 54', thus being 3 in total maximum

In 100% of cases (say 15pxs) I received Different (not the same...) criticism, for This or That, in disparaged order...

I mean, people seem dedicated to opinionated guessing, in many cases without any proper ground of experience. And a short-sighted reasoning.
Someone even pretended to decide on sleeping places affecting My Cabin...or where I keep tools or cooking ware...

For those few with a noticeable experience, it was the opposite, the comments were shooting too high, as coming from/after a 2m$ renovation (sic!) of a 86' old classic...

In spite of the total gratuity (meals, fuel, at times restaurants..all included) no one showed gratefulness in words, and usually leaving was a mutual relief. Even when I was left alone with 150nm ahead.

In 2 cases, I had to plainly and kindly ask people to leave at short convenience, and anyone took his/her own best time to do it (from days to one week later.... at a cost for me).
!

People want the "vacation", they don't care of work duties, want to stop here and there....have their own time schedules, their own standard for cleanliness, order, punctuality... usually all well misplaced on board (including the grand-dame spotting any stains but unable to brush the loo....).

Another complication? People buying a return ticket one month ahead, thus conditioning our cruising which I like to depend on weather allowances and my whims, not someone's tickets....

I speak of life aboard and social behaviour, since speaking about nautical skills would be hilarious.... people pretending 5 yrs boating yet unable to hitch a fender are the norm...
At helm? My AP is better, sure.
Orders? Are not listened to (at 3rd attempt, she was relieved from helm, and never touched it again)

All in all... a miserable experience, where I never heard the word "Sorry" even in front of damages, breakings, ruined /lost materials and gear. Thank you? Optional.

How many complained to me of the flight cost to reach me!? The majority, 2/3 at least...

I am honestly appaled.
A boat is someone's house first, would you go as a guest to a house saying that a table cloth is " disgusting", the sofa must switch position with the table, and cutlery should go in another cupboard.??

Speachless

[SV DestinyAscen]

Bad luck.

But you're the captain who made the decision to take on these people, so you're more responsible than the people who don't know what they don't know.

If you want good crew, either you only accept people with trusted references, pay - or they pay by contributing to food expenses. It imparts responsibility on both ways.

I've always done weekend sail auditions to make sure it is a good fit, and I'll never crew for a captain or owner who seeks to knows nothing about me (other crew could be worthless).

[TheThunderbird]

Well said! Well done.

Enthusiasm and goodwill are not enough. But "previous experience" proved to be a very poor indicator for adaptability to boat life, while some newbies were at least happy...

Caution is required, not least because the majority look to be psychically impaired, or mentally twisted....(no joke!)

Conversation I wanted..... it was good for say one person out of four, 3 of 4 being , say it politely , boring even when saying to have spent 2yrs in the Caribe, or other far away places.... no ability to convey emotions, feelings, ideas.....personal involvement....

[a64pilot]

This is where the Wife and I differ, if I have people who act that way, I'm throwing them off the boat, nearest spot possible.
I am way too old for that stuff, I don't expect them to grovel, but I was brought up to say yes Mam and yes Sir and thank you, please and I expect the same, I don't get it, your gone.
Wife on the other hand would worry about Family, what would they they think for kicking Cousin George off on an island.
I don't care.


Sent from my iPad Pro using Cruisers Sailing Forum

[zboss]

Most of the time, when people I hire to help me at work don't work out, its because of me. I did something wrong, didn't ask the right questions, did a bad interview, didn't pick up on something they said, etc.

People are who they are and that doesn't make them bad people... but you aren't going to change them.

Get better at sorting out who you feel comfortable sailing with and accept their nuances as they come.

[TheThunderbird]

Yes Please, No thank you ..was my first English lesson

Changing anyone!? Omg, they could only turn worse, as perfect as they are.

Throwing off Cousin George and his siblings seems to be the best option. :-)

" You come conditional upon a 3day clearance test..."

[Sea Dreaming]

I'm sorry you had this experience. Many years ago I had guest in my home who was like this. Many comments were irritating but he was so insulting of my cookware I just "blew up".
I didn't yell but told him that if he was that unhappy he could buy me new cookware and if he wasn't going to buy new cookware he could shut up.
I suggest being frank with disagreeable guests.
"This is my boat. I am the captain. Mind your manners."

[Sandero]

These were random people or friends?

People who are not sailors or familiar with life aboard a boat are not sure what to do... Some are intimidated to do anything for fear of breaking something or causing a problem... others simply toss caution to the wind and help without understanding a thing. The later is more of a concern and a danger.

If you are used to solo sailing both types of guests will be in the way and demand your attention, be a distraction, a cause of concern about your boat and their physical safety. If you can baby sit your guests, don't invite them. Don't expect a thing from them and DO expect that they will be in the way and out of their comfort zone and not know what to do.. and everything on a boat is done kinda differently... washing dishes, taking a dump... you name it.

If conditions are mild and the AP drives the boat and you are not needing to tack and fiddle with the sails.... you can converse and watch... At meal time you might get some cooperation... but many don't understand how to do meals, and so on. A cruise ship is a floating hotel... no knowledge or skills required... a small boat is completely different.

Guests are exhausting... even the nice ones!

Rudeness and bad manners is inexcusable. Someone comes to your home as your guest they should have learned how to express gratitude and show respect for your home.

Very very very bad idea to take non sailor guests who you don't know well on board for multi day cruising.

[meatservo]

Thunderbird,
If I sailed with you I would be grateful, polite, listen, and help as much as I could...

Some people just suck!


meatservo

[landlockedsquid]

I would second the "some people just suck" sentiment.

[El Pinguino]

The cutlery?

I've lost track of the number of people who have told me the cutlery drawer is stowed incorrectly and often just gone ahead and restowed it as they want it.

For the record... I have - from left to right - forks , knives , spoons, sundry ****, teaspoons at the front.

People who leave winch handles in the winches is another one that gets up my nose....

[markpl]

Sound very familiar, this people(guests), was from NY perhaps?

[TheThunderbird]

People are stupidly careless.

I have pillows of silk, the best I found, from UK, embroidered, 250eur/meter

I had 2 distinct people putting their bare feet on them....

There is no excuse in laying down like a pig in front of the owner/skipper just sitting in front. This is what (random) people are..

I am still friend to gùys I sailed with in the 90s, when education was a less rare commodity than nowadays

[Sun and Moon]

I'm with ZBoss - "People are who they are and that doesn't make them bad people... but you aren't going to change them." It's unfortunate you didn't get a single good guest. It seems your search process and/or your acceptance filter need to be changed. There are good people out there if you can only find them. Good luck!

[maxingout]

I would be very reticent to take guests on long passages. Family is not a problem as the rules of engagement are clear before we set sail.

I can go day sailing with just about anyone. But still there have to be some minimal rules of engagement before taking off even on a day sail. I am not looking for gratitude or warm strokes. I just want to set enough limits so that it is a pleasant experience.