How do you deal with a bad captain?

[Doug4bass]

And just exactly makes this guy a "captain" ??


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[s/v Beth]

Originally Posted by Doug4bass

And just exactly makes this guy a "captain" ??

The look in his eyes. It haunts me to this day.

[Mike OReilly]

Originally Posted by s/v Beth

Try coming into my Operating Room and telling me how to do my job...

Not trying to pick on you Newt, but this is a perfect illustration to learn from. In the OR you are the "captain". You may be the best xyz surgeon in the region, but if you started yelling, or being abusive or disrespectful to the anesthetist, the nurses, the various technicians ... how appropriate would that be? How much slack would you be allowed? How long do you think this would be allowed to go on before repercussions occurred?

Originally Posted by ohdrinkboy

The whole sexist I can do anything a man can is such BS. We all have different physical and mental abilities.

This is absolutely true. Men and women are different, and thank the gods for that. But the number of tasks that rely on brute strength (men), or exceptional spacial acuity (women), are few on most cruising sailboats. If you are relying on brute strength for routine tasks, then you need of new winches. If you can't maneuver your own boat in tight spaces, then you don't need a woman at the helm, you need more training.

This kind of excuse for discrimination when out with the last century.

[s/v Beth]

Originally Posted by Mike OReilly

Not trying to pick on you Newt, but this is a perfect illustration to learn from. In the OR you are the "captain". You may be the best xyz surgeon in the region, but if you started yelling, or being abusive or disrespectful to the anesthetist, the nurses, the various technicians ... how appropriate would that be? How much slack would you be allowed? How long do you think this would be allowed to go on before repercussions occurred?.

Ya got me Mike! I am an Anesthesiologist and though we allow some interesting behavior for members of the team under stress, there is a limit. Professionalism has to rule. Surgeons do not cross the line, as neither do I. Nurses and techs get relief (help) in there if they are coming to their limit. On my boat professionalism has to rule. But I think we are talking about tolerance to the way others run their boat. And my tolerance for others is increased when I step onto their boat. May not be PC, but it keeps me learning.

[darylat8750]

Originally Posted by BlueBuddha

thank you, thank you, thank you. This thread is sad.





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Well.... If NoQuarter will take some pictures of anchors...

[ohdrinkboy]

Originally Posted by Mike OReilly

This kind of excuse for discrimination when out with the last century.

What discrimination Mike? There are lots of people, men and women, who are better sailors than me. I just hate people bring sexism to the situation to begin with. It isn't the person's gender that makes a better sailor. Just like time on the water doesn't make a person a better sailor.

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by ohdrinkboy

What discrimination Mike? There are lots of people, men and women, who are better sailors than me. I just hate people bring sexism to the situation to begin with. It isn't the person's gender that makes a better sailor. Just like time on the water doesn't make a person a better sailor.

Or a sailor a better person...

[Greenhand]

OK, this ended up kind of long, so I will put my question at the top: Are you saying that you left behind a business to get on this guy's ship and now you are in danger of losing your boat and the business?

I will repeat, as others have, that you keep talking about verbal abuse and yelling, but you aren't able to supply any specifics. At this point, it sounds like you just didn't like the guy's tone of voice.

Actually, my read on the whole thread is that you have been stewing over this since it happened, likely even suspecting that you overreacted, and you decided to come to the forums for validation.

If he really did claim that the holding tank was leaking into the fresh water tank, I suspect he was putting you on. The two aren't plumbed together and so both would have to be leaking for this to happen. The only place plumbing would overlap is at the head, well before the holding tank. I wonder how much of that you were taking seriously, as you have done in this thread.

And I still don't get why you asked permission to get a fork, near the end of the journey. You really make it sound like neither one of you did anything unless told; and if you suspected something needed doing, you asked first. That seems like a nice attitude for new crew, but two straight months of it would drive anyone up the wall. That is the whole reason people want crew they know - so that they don't have to explain everything, every time.

[Wotname]

Originally Posted by s/v Beth

That is not a "swl" like what you do with your rum.

That is Ms. Sea Worthy Lass (SWL) all caps to you bud! All the OP had to say was that she was SWL's little sister and we all would have know that she was right.......

I dunno about the younger sister bit but I'd accept identical twin sister.....

[atoll]

post traumatic stress....get over it, you are in denial.

the voyage did not come up to your expectations,next time you will have a better idea of what to expect........in time you will look back and laugh at how nubile the pair of you were.........sounds like you had a great skipper even if his bedside manner was not that kosher...........

[Oceanbrew]

Originally Posted by NoQuarter79

Carsten, I respect that you and your wife take equal responsibility for the boat that you share. That is how my partner and I see things. I haven't pulled up the anchor on our boat yet (and wasn't given the chance on the boat we crewed on) but I want to.

I think I see the problem. You didn't understand that it's not your boat. So unfortunately you're along for the ride. I spent six hours once with a 'Captain Bligh'. He knew he had a captive audience. I counted the minutes, but I held my cool, as it wasn't my boat. The guy that invited me apologized afterwards, saying, "He's an a-hole but they win a lot of races." At the time I wanted to see if I could crew on racing boat. They weren't racing any more though due to costs (and lack of crew).

You get to make the rules and have things your way once you invest the money and time and energy into owning, maintaining and sailing your own boat. I currently have my own boat. I'm selective of who comes, and I don't have to put up with another 'Captain Bligh'. I tend to laugh at my own jokes, so I make a great crew member for myself.

Once you have your own boat (I didn't check to see if you do), you'll see that there are persons that you wish you hadn't invited for whatever reason. Sometimes it's nothing more than they talk incessantly the entire time they're on the boat. Silence is their enemy. Imagine three days....and then they snore so loudly that the hull vibrates (just an example).

I think his wishing death on you was a bit much, but now he's stuck with no crew and might not have the ability to crew the boat by himself. Marinas get expensive, if he's stuck in one now.

[El Pinguino]

I think if I was entering a port in the dark and someone asked for a fork to eat their noodles with I would sort of lose it a bit....
You eat noodles with chop sticks.... and hold the bowl right up under your chin so you don't make a mess
For forks sake.......

[hoppy]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

I think if I was entering a port in the dark and someone asked for a fork to eat their noodles with I would sort of lose it a bit....
You eat noodles with chop sticks.... and hold the bowl right up under your chin so you don't make a mess
For forks sake.......

I would tell them to "go get the fork themselves"

[Seaworthy Lass]

Originally Posted by El Pinguino

For forks sake.......

Originally Posted by hoppy

I would tell them to "go get the fork themselves"

Hey, thanks for the laugh on waking up! Great way to start the day .

NoQuarter, welcome to CF . You are enduring trial by fire, but you will find it is worth hanging around. Great bunch of people here, some occasionally a little cranky, but as Socaldmax explained, probably with good cause .

SWL

[Mike OReilly]

Originally Posted by ohdrinkboy

What discrimination Mike? There are lots of people, men and women, who are better sailors than me. I just hate people bring sexism to the situation to begin with. It isn't the person's gender that makes a better sailor. Just like time on the water doesn't make a person a better sailor.

If I misread your comment ohdrinkboy, then I apologize. You seemed to be using an old trope about how women and men are "different", which has traditionally been the way society has kept women out of many good jobs and out of the halls of power. Systemic discrimination still exists, but luckily we as a society now recognize that claims that a woman can't do certain jobs based on strength, or metal ability, are usually bogus.

Originally Posted by Oceanbrew

You get to make the rules and have things your way once you invest the money and time and energy into owning, maintaining and sailing your own boat. I currently have my own boat. I'm selective of who comes, and I don't have to put up with another 'Captain Bligh'. I tend to laugh at my own jokes, so I make a great crew member for myself.

I agree with you to a point Oceanbrew; it is Captain Bligh's boat, and so he gets to make the rules. But that does not give him the license to be a jerk, or to cross the line into being abusive, racist, sexist, etc. Crewing on a boat is not the same as agreeing to be a slave, or to agreeing to be less than human. I'm really fascinated how so many of you are willing to give these people -- these simple bullies -- a pass.

And in case it's not obvious, I'm taking on the broader discussion. There's no way we can know the Truth about what actually happened with NoQuarter79 (as I said in my very first response). But looking at the broader question, I'm amazed how many of you seem to be saying people just have to suck it up and take the abuse (Not that you said this Oceanbrew).

Social change happens when we all grow a pair () and stand up to these kinds of bullies. So NO, we don't have to accept this kind of crap from anyone, no matter who owns the boat, or how good the person is at the helm.

No forkin' way .