Getting Fat Bums On Board

[Live to Dive]

Lol. No one has suggested the obvious................. can they swim?

And you wife (and you too for that matter) should be careful agreeing to no fat bums on board. Who can say how the years will treat you guys.

[Islandmike]

MarkJ, your story was so funny, we both laughed hard, mostly because the same thing has happened to us. The things we do to get people into our home.....

[Chattcatdaddy]

This reminds me I need to call Nutrisystem.

[imagine2frolic]

How about a bosuns chair, and a halyard? Use a line to guide them off the boat, and gently onto the dock. We just raised, and lowered some 8Ds that way in, and out of a Formosa 51 without the chair......i2f

[Joli]

jump, dump, and roll?

[NW Craig]

Originally Posted by delmarrey

Should had done a MOB routine using the boom and mainsheet tackle.

or just use the boom!

c in sunny seattle

[David M]

No worries Mark. The bigger they are, the better they float. Just get them ashore like you would push a barge up on the beach.

[Intentional Drifter]

Well, at least you folks had a choice about it! Last year we go to check in a country I won't name, since I have no wish to embarrass anyone and this is the internet, after all.

So, the customs lady comes to the boat (a cat). She's wider than she is tall. Fortunately, at least we're at a dock. (I couldn't imagine getting her on board from the dink. That just wouldn't have happened.) Still, with tide, freeboard, etc., it was still a good 20 to 24" from the dock to the deck. I'm looking at her and thinking "oh, my gosh, what if she breaks a leg getting on the boat. We are scrreeewwwed!"

So, I step up on deck to offer her a hand (gallant fellow that I am) and as she's about to gingerly step on the boat, that's when Sam Dog (an 80 lb Labradoodle) decides he's got to protect us. Even though Sam Dog is safely ensconced in the salon, even with the door closed, he's still sounds pretty intimidating. The customs lady jumps like somebody just gave her a hot-foot!

Oh, crap! She's stumbling! Towards me! She's gonna break her leg, I'm gonna die, Sam Dog's gonna get euthanized, and Deb won't even be able to get over the mountain of human flesh to get off the boat and get help and even if she does, she'll get detained, 'cause we aren't even checked in, yet!

Well, I don't know how she did it, but she managed to catch herself, without falling. As she looks at me, she catches me glancing at the waterline on the aft transoms (I couldn't help myself, honest, it was reflex!). Great, now I've insulted her, this is going so wonderfully.

She steps into the cockpit, Sam Dog's still going off, she looks terrified. By this time, she's all hot and sweaty, so I offer her a Coke, which she accepts and swills down in a couple of gulps.

After that, things went smoothly and quickly. "No, I don't wanna see the dog! The dog don't like me. No, I don't wanna go in the boat. You got cash? Gotta have cash."

She gets the cash, the paper work gets done and she crawls on knees and hands on to the dock and off the boat.

Q-flag down, we're in!

ID

[Islandmike]

Actual the bosuns chair works. We have an old dear friend was a contracted MS, she is confined to a wheelchair...so sad. However, she wanted to come aboard our sailboat and was willing to do anything to get aboard. I first tried to carrier her, and would have worked for a person with some strength, she has none... So with her permission we strapped her to the bosuns chair and bingo. While she was not able to get below, we enjoyed a great time in the cockpit. I felt good for doing that for her...

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by Intentional Drifter

She's gonna break her leg, I'm gonna die, Sam Dog's gonna get euthanized, and Deb won't even be able to get over the mountain of human flesh

Thats a crack-up!

Great story


Mark

[Ex-Calif]

Mark - Not sure why you didn't put them off the swim step?

[MarkJ]

Originally Posted by Ex-Calif

Mark - Not sure why you didn't put them off the swim step?

The finger we are on at the Bali Marina is too short!!!!!! The stern is about 10 foot out in the puddle of trash...........

[Joli]

When my wife was growing up in the islands she said the island sloops would anchor, pick the cows up with a single strap out of the hold and drop them in the drink. They then swam to shore.

[JackHinks]

I am wondering if sailors and the 2/3rds of americans who are overweight are two segments of the population that are distinct and do not overlap.
The majority of the replies seem more concerned with jocularity at others' expense than with finding solutions to the problem. When I owned a beach sailing concession and found that my Hobiecats and Windriders had trouble accomodating some clients and their families, I added several larger boats that could accomodate all of my potential clients, short of having the Tampa Bay offensive line show up for a rental!
I used to think that powerboaters had a monopoly on "plus-size" skippers & crew, that is until I opened up a sailing biz. And yeah, as a big-guy, 6 foot and 240 lbs, I did get on my windsurfers and show Joe & Joanne Public that if a big guy like me can windsurf than anyone can. I certainly never disparaged or belittled a client or boat guest, but hey, I'm no Lance Armstrong, like all the lean, mean salts above...

[babykinz]

I was wondering why I was never invited into anyone's sailboat here at the marina