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**JPA Cate** · 25-10-2016, 19:08

Especially as one gets older the pool of possibles gets smaller. I think this is true both for the female who seeks a partner and also for the men. The real problem is that people who would be willing to cruise are a very small part of the over 60 population. They're a very small part of the world population.

Blue Crab mentioned the "what we have in common" issues, cultural differences, even acceptable intelligence and educational levels, how about tidiness levels, and agreement on financial matters, or, how great an age difference is acceptable?!. Both genders are in a mode of do this one last fun thing before I die, or am too frail to do it. Of course, not true for all, but my sense it is, for some. I don't know if it is true for men, too, I think it is but I don't know, but I do know a number of women, who, having lived with and loved one man a long time, really don't want another one. Either they're still too attached to the decedent, or it simply represents too much effort.

Once you are okay with being single, just why would you want to change that? The ones who would be available feel that it is more fun to have someone to share life with, but if you've been badly burned, you'd rather share from an emotional distance, you will not crave intimacy, it's too hard, too painful.... From that ground of being, the only sensible thing to do is pursue your own interests, be open to meeting someone you'd like to be with, try forgiving the idiots who have hurt you*, but focus on what matters to you.

*Forgiving my ex, at whom I had been very angry, was a crucial part of my healing before I met Jim.

Sorry to be so long winded.

Ann

Sea Dreaming · 25-10-2016, 19:53

Quote:

From that ground of being, the only sensible thing to do is pursue your own interests, be open to meeting someone you'd like to be with, try forgiving the idiots who have hurt you*, but focus on what matters to you.

*Forgiving my ex, at whom I had been very angry, was a crucial part of my healing before I met Jim.

This is so true. Thank you for sharing these personal thoughts. I think the forgiveness part is crucial for enjoying life, whether one chosen to be partnered or not. It makes everything so much easier if your head is not clouded by constantly reining yourself of the pain you have experienced. Keeping the anger, from any blamed source, just keeps the wound fresh.

I'm one of the lucky ones. I too had a painful marriage and found a better match for me after divorce.
For the single ones, repeat after me "my time and my life are precious to me. I don't have time for abuse or bad dates. I want to have fun. I don't even have time to keep rehashing the past and feed my own mistrust. Doing so is just self abuse and it's no fun."

Seriously single people cut that cap out.

gamayun · 25-10-2016, 21:01

Let me dispel the notion that singledoms can be lumped into a single type. Despite what I wrote -- which was meant in a somewhat ironic tone -- we are not all bitter about our pasts and we are fully capable of having trusting and loving relationships. Some people just aren't willing to compromise on the important things, and not everyone needs (or enjoys) to be permanently coupled, ya know?

**JPA Cate** · 25-10-2016, 21:38

The only time singleness needs "fixing" is if the individual, regardless of gender, thinks it does.

goat · 26-10-2016, 01:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ann T. Cate

The only time singleness needs "fixing" is if the individual, regardless of gender, thinks it does.

Well said Ann. There is a huge difference between solitude and loneliness.

Sea Dreaming · 26-10-2016, 02:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by gamayun

Let me dispel the notion that singledoms can be lumped into a single type. Despite what I wrote -- which was meant in a somewhat ironic tone -- we are not all bitter about our pasts and we are fully capable of having trusting and loving relationships. Some people just aren't willing to compromise on the important things, and not everyone needs (or enjoys) to be permanently coupled, ya know?

I agree! I am sorry if I give the impression that being single is an error. These ramblings I have posted were a huge revelation to me personally. I get on a roll with my thoughts.

manawatuman · 26-10-2016, 03:19

Thanks everyone, but im still single......

**weavis** · 26-10-2016, 04:04

How Society treats individuals is not CFs fault. We have nothing to do with what goes on in the circles you frequent. This is a Boating and cruising site which has sectioned off a portion for people meeting each other. How it conducts itself is not our concern. We moderate only when individuals initiate problems or are rude or not being nice. We are not the arbiters of social interaction or sexual interaction. Sometimes we receive complaints from individuals about others, and the harsh reality is that the behaviour of the complainant is the REAL issue.

As I read through the complaints levied among the singles toward married people, sometimes I laugh and sometimes I find it a bit harsh. You see, each person carries their own load in life, and they have to carry it alone because where they are is part choice and part circumstance. Each person makes a line in the sand where they will not cross or allow another to cross, and this personal defining of a standard will contribute to the interaction between the sexes and how each one is regarded. If a person is serious about a relationship, then they need to start with self.

When I read the thread, which I do for moderation purposes only, What I see in the main is complaints about men. Men do this, Men don’t do this, Men need to do this, Men whine, Men are stupid. All the advice given by Zee and others is a reflection of their OWN interactions, and to be honest, there are two people in any relationship. The reality is that if a person only wants what they want and has negativity toward the opposite sex based on generalisation, or perceived flaws, then they get what they give – nothing.

It’s a bit like watching the same video of the world cup 6 times and expecting a different result. Its about individuals. Its about exploring eachs others wishes and hopes and aspirations in life. Its about seeing if there is common ground. Be GLAD when recognition of the fact that there is no commonality happens quickly.

Maybe you need to change your social places. Maybe you need to accept that the choices you made and are not going to change, are limiting in finding a life partner. Really, it’s a lot to ask of someone to throw over a land based life and go live on a boat and give up all they have known their entire life. So then a sailor will start looking within the sailing community, and that my friends, is a much smaller pond. Good luck with that. By nature sailors sail and that means constant change and distance.

Remember the life you lead as a sailor is YOUR choice. If you are single and desire a companion, then its up to you to find one. Complaining about the habits of the opposite sex is not attractive. You don’t want the type of person you are complaining about? Then look for different. Personally, I don’t want a woman who complains about men in general, I don’t want a partner who categorises me in with everyone else.

If a man doesn’t do something a woman wants, then the problem is not with the man. He is doing what he does. If the woman doesn’t like it, then guess what? That man is not for her. Problem solved. And vice versa.

A lot of the comments are way oversensitive. The feeling of rejection and of being victimised comes from the emotional state of the lonely. Conversely the insistence of being content in singleness, BUT still looking for a mate, but with all the observations and barriers, and commentary on faults of the opposite sex is an obvious emotional response.

Frankly I don’t care what married people say or do. Its not me. Ive been married, I liked the companionship and lifestyle, yet as with a lot of things in life it went tip over apex and ended. No one gets married to get divorced, yet it happens. Funny how that undying love can turn to hate or indifference or anger.

Im single. Its my current state of being and sometimes I am lonely. Its nice to share with a companion. Being single is OK, I have things to do and places to go, yet given the choice it is preferable for me to have a wife. Im not going to lump all females together and complain about the qualities I hate. I will carry on with my life and be me and wait for the compatible one to either show up or not.

Im not in a hurry to make a mistake.

A lot of women over the age of 50 have priorities in their life. Children, grandchildren, money, lifestyle and requirements. It’s a lot to ask of a man to take into consideration some things that a woman will not or cannot change.

I for example, do not feel comfortable coming second to requirements of ex husbands or insistence of some people I have dated that their children come first in everything.

I have been in the situation where having paid for very expensive tickets to an event, 30 minutes before leaving to go to it, the daughter of the woman called and said she needed a babysitter and off the woman went. She actually even got irritated for me when I suggested that her daughter pay for a babysitter.

For liveaboards, we need to accept that WE have placed limitations on whom we can attract and keep. Its hard enough getting a date without putting other barriers in place. It’s the way it is.

There is always hope, and it truly does depend on our individuality and person and attractiveness to the right person. Be yourself and be prepared to move on when the red flags are raised. Just don’t complain about it. IT is what it is.

Blue Crab · 26-10-2016, 04:31

I've told this before but ...

There's a bar in my little seaside town and the story goes that new guys sail in all the time and try to impress the gals with "I've got a sailboat." The response is "That's nice, Cap, but I'm looking for a man with a job and a car."

Most women are from Venus.

**weavis** · 26-10-2016, 04:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue Crab

I've told this before but ...

There's a bar in my little seaside town and the story goes that new guys sail in all the time and try to impress the gals with "I've got a sailboat." The response is "That's nice, Cap, but I'm looking for a man with a job and a car."

Most women are from Venus.

It doesnt make them wrong though.

We need to look for the Venusian that suits us and wants to sail.... Really, we ask a LOT. We say this is my life, Im not changing for you or anyone... Join me or leave!

Ouch! But thats the way it is..

Sea Dreaming · 26-10-2016, 04:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by manawatuman

Thanks everyone, but im still single......

I'm torn here....impatient for wanting instant magic or a saint for stickING with this thread?

Polux · 26-10-2016, 05:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by zeehag

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h aha
all men are sooo full of ****
they just looking for another possession.
ha h ah aha ha ha ha h haha ha

I would not say all men, the same way I would not say all women are the same. It is pretty obvious

ur2slo · 26-10-2016, 05:47

There was a guy sometime ago that had figured woman out.....

But he died laughing before he could tell anyone else!

This is gonna get interesting..........

Blue Crab · 26-10-2016, 06:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by manawatuman

Thanks everyone, but im still single......

All the answers to yer OP were given long ago. We're hardcore rehashing and reminiscing here. My experience with dating sites is that women fudge about their weight and body type. And that matters to a shallow guy like me.

Men are dogs. Women, more catlike. Sure, they can get along but deep down, they're different.