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-   -   I Don't Know What To Do (http://www.cruisersforum.com/forums/f92/i-dont-know-what-to-do-109315.html)

SmartMove 13-08-2013 21:27

I Don't Know What To Do
 
We are in a marina right now. Two slips away is another sailboat with a younger woman and a middle aged man, on three different occasions (in a week) we have heard sounds that indicate the woman is being abused. When I see her and talk to her, and ask leading questions, she says everything is great. I don't think it is but I don't know what I should do, any advise?

o_q 13-08-2013 21:35

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
Nothing. Are you going to let her live with you after you "fix" her problem? Give her training on confidence, and find her a new man?

bobconnie 13-08-2013 21:40

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
:thumb:If she came to us, we would keep her till she could get to a womens abuse center. Other then that I would stay out of other folks bizz ! Just our 2 cents

rebel heart 13-08-2013 21:42

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
What country are you in? In the US I'd say to call the cops but maybe not where you are.

If the police are known for taking domestic violence against women seriously, I'd report it to them as soon as it starts happening.

Yes, the lady should get out of the relationship. But if everyone did the right thing we wouldn't need laws or police in the first and, well, here we are.

terminalcitygrl 13-08-2013 21:44

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
Contact a battered women's service or crisis line and see if they have pamphlets or cards you can pick up or have mailed to you. Post them on the marina bulletin board, leave them in the women's bathroom, etc... If you think she might be in immediate physical danger, call the police. She obviously doesn't feel safe enough to disclose there is an issue and like o_q infers, most women often think that they are somehow the cause of the violence, that it is "her" problem alone to solve, and don't know that there are resources that can help. If you can do something to help this woman without putting yourself or her in further danger, please do.

Of course this assumes you are in a location where there are services or the police treat domestic violence seriously.

SmartMove 13-08-2013 21:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobconnie (Post 1310883)
:thumb:If she came to us, we would keep her till she could get to a womens abuse center. Other then that I would stay out of other folks bizz ! Just our 2 cents

Yep, that has been what I have been doing. But, we can hear it every night ... Unless she reaches out I will just put my head under the pillow. She is a beautiful girl and it is so sad.

SmartMove 13-08-2013 21:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by rebel heart (Post 1310885)
What country are you in? In the US I'd say to call the cops but maybe not where you are.

If the police are known for taking domestic violence against women seriously, I'd report it to them as soon as it starts happening.

Yes, the lady should get out of the relationship. But if everyone did the right thing we wouldn't need laws or police in the first and, well, here we are.

St. Lucia, I do not know how seriously it is taken here.

peter radclyffe 13-08-2013 21:50

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
you can anonymously contact the local social services, send her name and address to the local womens refuge, and get a flyer or 4 from the womens refuge and put it up in the marina.
rape, torture and abuse is not acceptable behaviour anywhere, no matter what
anyone tells you,try to find out who her friends are locally and inform them anonymously,though they probably know,it can be a trigger for them to help her,
she needs to feel she is not alone and there is someoe who can help her leave him,
im crying as i write this because i hate men who treat women and children like dirt

DumnMad 13-08-2013 21:50

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
Good on you to be concerned. At least you've opened the door for contact. Share you concern with the marina office so you don't carry the burden on your own.

Mr B 13-08-2013 21:51

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
They might be into that BDSM stuff,

Is she smiling when you talk to her, Or are her eyes sad and miserable,

Sir Rondo Normal 13-08-2013 21:51

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
What TerminalCityGirl said... Sounds like great advice.

SmartMove 13-08-2013 21:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by terminalcitygrl (Post 1310886)
Contact a battered women's service or crisis line and see if they have pamphlets or cards you can pick up or have mailed to you. Post them on the marina bulletin board, leave them in the women's bathroom, etc... If you think she might be in immediate physical danger, call the police. She obviously doesn't feel safe enough to disclose there is an issue and like o_q infers, most women often think that they are somehow the cause of the violence, that it is "her" problem alone to solve, and don't know that there are resources that can help. If you can do something to help this woman without putting yourself or her in further danger, please do.

I will see what resources there are here and the suggestion about the women's bathroom is a great idea.

She clearly does not want me to do anything, I do not want to do something that will make things worse. I do not know the legal system here (we have only been here a week) but will see what I can figure out.

No woman should live like that!

SmartMove 13-08-2013 21:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by DumnMad (Post 1310893)
Good on you to be concerned. At least you've opened the door for contact. Share you concern with the marina office so you don't carry the burden on your own.

That is a great idea! I don't know why I hadn't thought about it.

SmartMove 13-08-2013 21:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr B (Post 1310895)
They might be into that BDSM stuff,

Is she smiling when you talk to her, Or are her eyes sad and miserable,

Mostly she looks away and tries to avoid me.

terminalcitygrl 13-08-2013 22:04

Re: I Don't Know What To Do
 
For you SmartMove :flowers:


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