Yelling and Screaming!

[senormechanico]

Originally Posted by Sunspot Baby

OK. It comes down to what is important to you. I cannot remember the names of flowers and plants although we have a nice yard/garden which is designed and implemented by my wife.

Yes, I can do a bowline, French bowline, bowline of a bight, etc. and she cannot. There are, however, only a couple of those green things in the yard I can properly identify.

George

Oh, boy do I hear you about plants!


Here's a quote on how to tell the difference between a plant and a weed. The comedian Gallagher said it best and I'll never forget it:

"If you plant it, water it, feed it and it dies, it's a plant. If you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed."

Steve B.

[sailorm]

Having sailed around the world, the first Ocean (Pacific) single handed, the next two oceans with a partner, my husband most of the male yelling we have observed occurs when that male is not very competent and needs somebody to blame so is incompetence doesn't show.
Mary, the Antique Sailor

[TaoJones]

Originally Posted by sailorm

. . . most of the male yelling we have observed occurs when that male is not very competent and needs somebody to blame so [h]is incompetence doesn't show.

That may very well be the psychological basis for his yelling, Mary, but he only deludes himself if he believes that it hides his incompetence. Most experienced people involved with the life aquatic easily recognize incompetence, and no amount of degrading bluster and BS heaped on his crew can make it invisible.

TaoJones

[sailorm]

That's really the point of my comment. Everyone but the yeller recognizes it.
Mary

[sv_makai]

A pair of friends have his/hers tee shirt set,

Hers says "Stop Yelling" and his says " I am not Yelling".

The shirts are interchangeable

[spencer53]

My wife and I have cruised together for years and simply do not yell. I've seen and heard yelling on other boats many times and it always seems to be the man yelling at the woman. Absurd! As was previously posted, it is easy to see a breakdown within a crew and it has always appeared that the one doing the yelling is the one screwing up. Even if that's not the case, yelling only adds stress to the situation and is likely to impair the person being yelled at. A good crew should work together like the parts in a swiss watch. It takes practice and communication but the communication must be clear and effective and yelling kills it. My wife and I communicate in hand signals most of the time as we have worked as a team for so long. It's harmonious, quiet, and stress free. If I screw up setting my anchor, others may certainly see it, but they will NEVER hear it. My wife will not berate me, and I will never berate her. Besides, I love my wife more than my boat. Yellers should be required to pass a course in "crew management" and maybe one in "civility" as well.

[Kanani]

Originally Posted by spencer53

My wife and I have cruised together for years and simply do not yell. I've seen and heard yelling on other boats many times and it always seems to be the man yelling at the woman. Absurd! As was previously posted, it is easy to see a breakdown within a crew and it has always appeared that the one doing the yelling is the one screwing up. Even if that's not the case, yelling only adds stress to the situation and is likely to impair the person being yelled at. A good crew should work together like the parts in a swiss watch. It takes practice and communication but the communication must be clear and effective and yelling kills it. My wife and I communicate in hand signals most of the time as we have worked as a team for so long. It's harmonious, quiet, and stress free. If I screw up setting my anchor, others may certainly see it, but they will NEVER hear it. My wife will not berate me, and I will never berate her. Besides, I love my wife more than my boat. Yellers should be required to pass a course in "crew management" and maybe one in "civility" as well.

spencer53,

I couldn't agree with you more.

My wife and I cruised together for 14 years. I never disrespected her by yelling at her.

There may be times for raising your voice due to engine, wind noise or whatever but there is never an excuse for disrespecting your wife or mate (or any crew member for that matter) by yelling at her/him. It just shows that the person doing the yelling has failed in the ability to communicate civily. The failure is always on the part of the skipper....he/she's the one that does the training and makes the decissions. He/she's also the one that has no one to make excuses to.

We also worked out hand signals early on. I couldn't stand having to raise my voice to be heard from the fore-deck. We even invested in hands free, walkie-talkie headsets at one point. What a waste of $ that was. We found them useless in the wind (which was 60% of the time).

Hand signals work great, they cut down on the stress and make you look very professional while anchoring in a crowded anchorage.

[cat man do]

I have been guilty of yelling at times, additional noise to blame says I, first request not heard, second command partially blown away, now its going pear shaped so I yell (as boat ploughs into back of wave at 19 knots and headsail floggs wildly)

On the new boat I want things more sedate and gentlemanly so I will be investing in something like this.
Wired Motorcycle Intercom System

We have seen people park big boats using similar and were impressed at how easy it all seemed.

Just saw above post

We even invested in hands free, walkie-talkie headsets at one point. What a waste of $ that was. We found them useless in the wind (which was 60% of the time).

may need to look at other options, maybe some cans and some string (-;


Dave

[Kanani]

Originally Posted by cat man do

On the new boat I want things more sedate and gentlemanly so I will be investing in something like this.
Wired Motorcycle Intercom System

We have seen people park big boats using similar and were impressed at how easy it all seemed.

Dave

Hey Dave....get yourself a couple of motorcycle helmets and they may work fine . I'd love to be in the anchorage when you show up..... I'd be the 1st one to bring you over a cold beer.

[David M]

From what I have noticed, the least competent skippers are the ones who yell the most.

[cat man do]

Originally Posted by Kanani

Hey Dave....get yourself a couple of motorcycle helmets and they may work fine . I'd love to be in the anchorage when you show up..... I'd be the 1st one to bring you over a cold beer.

I was actually thinking of the ones without the "brain bucket"

Military seem to have models that work ok when shooting and blowin' **** up (in the movies anyway) and they arent attached to helmets.

Dave

[Kanani]

Originally Posted by cat man do

I was actually thinking of the ones without the "brain bucket"

Military seem to have models that work ok when shooting and blowin' **** up (in the movies anyway) and they arent attached to helmets.

Dave

I have to admit......it was a LONG time ago when I tried them.
They have probably made huge advancements with them by now.....We liked the hand signals routine.

[GordMay]

Men yelling at women?
Check out the control panel.

[cat man do]

I like this one

Dave

[rebel heart]

I think I read this thread all the way through, and will only add this:

Send your girlfriend / wife / boyfriend / [non sailing person in your relationship] to a sailing class. Pick a week or longer one, and it will cost you around $1000 or so. Well worth it. Let them build their skills and learn from someone other than you. They need confidence, and even if you're a qualified instructor with amazing patience, it's still better to outsource this one.

Get her on other boats quickly, so she can see how a properly functioning boat works. Heeling is okay, etc. When she comes back, if she was having more fun on her instructor's boat than yours, than you've probably got some things to work on of your own.