When you are the "odd" person on the block

[Pelagic]

Perhaps KayKay your friends are also experiencing what all of us feel whenever we break away from our normal “comfort zone” lifestyle and try something radically new……. Fear!

It will only be when you can show them that you have adapted to these changes and are happy, that their concerns will be less obvious. But for some of them, they will always worry!

[schoonerdog]

The best revenge is living well!

[GordMay]

Actually, according to George Herbert, “Living well is the best revenge.”

[rtbates]

Originally Posted by KayKay58

Hi everyone, I haven't posted much, just joined, but I have really enjoyed all the good advice being given. My husband and I are hopefully getting ready to start living our "dream". Hubby has always been smitten by sailing, although I think I can count on one hand the # of times he's gone out, and all those were without me. You know, BM (before marrige). We are selling our home, and are arranging to purchase a 38ft Heritage Custom, in need of work, most definitly! But the downpour of disapproval from our friends and family have been mind-boggeling! We got our Open Water diver cert. 2 years ago, and all our kids are grown and gone. We are still pretty young (49, but don't tell anyone, lol) and they all think we're crazy!! I would like some advice on how to shut them up, once and for all!! Just call me "Determined"!

As novices to the sailing world may I suggest that you be sure that BEFORE you sell the house and all your worldly goods and go sailing off that you understand what sailing is all about. It ain't all beautiful sunsets and 12-15kts wind. It can be down right shity as hell out there and you must understand and be prepared. Sailing has been described as," hours and hours of shear boredom, interspersed with stark terror." Just understand that and you'll be better prepared. Why do I tell you this? Years ago my retired uncle who had lived in Alaska during the dead of winter like a native, off the land got a wild hair to sail around the world, He bought a beautiful boat in Miami and headed toward the Bahamas. While crossing the gulf stream a norther came through and he thought he was going to die. It was his first taste of heavy weather. He finally limped into Bimini got off the boat and flew home. The boat was left to whoever wanted it... Dreams must be balanced against reality in order to achieve success.

I wish you the best and hope you sail away and never look back...

[hellosailor]

Kaykay I wouldn't call you crazy but suspect your friends are more conservative and worried that you are dashing off into something that could easily go over your heads and become a financial disaster.

You're selling your house in a down market, so that's possibly a 20% loss of all the equity in your home versus sitting it out for a few years. You're buying a boat, when you've never spent any time living on one and neither of you has spent extensive time cruising on one. If you don't like it--you can't just get rid of it, it may take a year or more to sell, and you'll lose every penny that you put into the refit (and it will need a refit) plus, again, this is a weak market and you may lose a chunk of the purchase price as well.

If it turns out that one or the other of you doesn't like living in a small space--besides being stuck in a wet jail the marriage is at stake. Yes, there have been divorces over boats. Of course a divorce is GOOD news compared to being seasick all the time.

So...there are some very real and very large chances of a disaster. Personal and financial. It is great that you are both adventurous and willing to take a huge plunge and try something new, but I think most of us would say "Charter a boat for a week or two and try it a few times" before you commit everything to a fancy. Charter it during cold wet weather, and take it out in lousy conditions--because if you are living on it, you'll have to bear with that too, unless you plan to tie up the boat and spend those weeks in hotels.

There's a lot at risk, I suspect they are simply concerned for you. If you add up the possible losses on the home sale and the boat (and having to bail out of it and find a new home if you don't like it)...you may understand why. If the potential losses are all something you can easily move past, that's something else again.

[nicollej]

Hi Kay,

I am Mark's fiance' (from earlier replies to your post) and I just wanted to send a big hug!

I understand how you are feeling, Mark has always been a passionate sailor and has always wanted to go cruising on his own boat, which we are just about to do.

It has always been his dream, but in the last year or so it has become my dream also, our dream - together. But it has taken me some time to get used of the idea and the new life we are about to begin.

I understand how difficult it is to tell everyone you are packing up your life on land and going sailing. We have recently had to do all of that. To sell & give away our belongings/our life and try to explain to people that we weren't coming back in a years time, that we were infact going to be cruising for the rest of our lives.

Everyone still keeps saying "oh so when you come back" etc, as though we are just going off to have a sail for a few months and get it our of our system and then going home to be grown ups again with a 'normal' life just like everyone else. My friends even said things like 'Oh don't get rid of that, I can just mind it for you so that when you come back soon you can have it back". And I was always saying "But we won't be coming back for a long time, our boat will be our home and sailing with be our life".

It just takes people a little time to get used of the idea. It is not everyday that you have a friend that says "Hey, we are packing up our whole life and going to sail away on a boat and travel the world". It wasa huge shock for our family and friends, even though Mark has sailed all of his life.

We are able to do something that most people can only dream of, and sadly some people would never be able to go sailing because they have a fear of water, storms and all sorts of things that would hold them back from living the most wonderful life.

I think alot of people have a fear of sailing because they are not really sure what it is or have not actually done it themselves, they are just thinking of the scary stories they have heard, or the scary movies they have seen where everything goes wrong. Most of our friends had to warn us about all the pirates and sharks and huge rouge waves that we would (may) encounter, they were more scared of the apparent dangers than we are.

Of course we will be careful and sail safely, but there are so many more wonderful and happy things to enjoy with sailing that all of the 'scary' fearful things.

I think we need to understand that our friends and family just love us and they may feel that to be happy one needs to live in the same area, have a good job, money and a house full of lovely things - to have a stable and secure life. So when we say that we are going to get rid of all of those things and live on a boat and travel all over the world living each day as it comes and not having any routine or plans, rather just relaxing........it may seem to some people in our lives that we are doing this outrageous/crazy thing, when to us it is perfectly normal. They will understand in time when they see how happy and peaceful we are living the cruising life.

I also think our friends and family really miss us when we go cruising, so it may be easy for them to say "why do you want to go and do that?", or for them to say things that try to stop us from living our dreams. It is easy for us to say "See ya, we are off to travel the world and relax on beautiful islands etc". But we are leaving our loved ones behind and although we can see them from time to time or send a postcard, it must be hard for them to see us go for long periods of time/or for good.

We only have one life to live and I think it is wonderful that you are going to go cruising. You will have an amazing time. Think of all of the wonderful countries you will visit, all the lovely people you will meet, and all the cute animals you can cuddle!

The biggest thing I have found since we left Australia is that once you leave your old life as you know it, you never look back. The new world that you can be apart of is so wonderful, so rewarding and so beautiful! And at the end of the day when you are at sea on your lovely boat looking at dolphins, you won't even remember all of those comments or the way your friends reacted at the time, it just won't matter.

You will still have your friends and memories from your old life and in time the people that matter will enjoy your new life with you. You will also find that you will very soon have a new group of wonderful cruising friends too that will support your love of sailing and understand the things you go through in your life aboard. This fourum is a wonderful place to make new friends, it is full of lovely people who love sailing. It is so inspiring.

My best advice for you (for the present time) is to keep your focus on the dream, everyday think about what you can do to make your sailing dream possible, what you can do to prepare for your new sailing life. That will keep you happy and inspired.

And you don't need their approval or permission to go sailing, it is your life and you deserve to be happy! And if they still think your crazy, you should tell them about the 25 year old Australian girl who just retired this year and is about to go cruising for the rest of her life! She has also only just learn't how to sail too. Now you sound completely sain compared to me.......lol.....

All the very best with your sailing life, may it bring you years of happiness, adventure, sunshine, joy and laughter!

I hope that I can have you over for a cup of tea on my boat oneday! We will have lots of wonderful stories to share.

Keep in touch

Nicolle
Our Life At Sea

[Québec 1]

Congratulations on your decision Kay.

May your winds always be perfect and your smiles always heart felt.

Who knows what tomorrow holds for you ?...but if you stayed home and watched TV ....you'd be just like most people....normal

Interesting moves like the one you are making often scares normal people ...so thank them for their concerns about you and tell them that your just going to take a chance, just to see whats going to happen...just this once...just to see...

Maybe you will inspire someone in the process.

I was going to retire in 2 years...I'm 55 and retiring in 7 weeks. I have been advised most categorically by some of my co-workers that if I had waited 1 month I could have gotten 2% more.

My response is clear..I can afford 2%.....I just bought a boat, I will be spending my summers exploring Canada's water ways, the Great Lakes , the St Lawrence,Prince Edward Island , Gaspé, Cape Breton, the Fiords of the Saquenay. I will be parking my trailor sailor in the states in the winter ( 75$ a month) and have access to the south seas when ever I want . My first trip will be to Cuba the next to the Bahamas and the rest of the time around Florida etc...and when the kids are in college I will buy a bluewater boat and sail to Australia.

Who knows, I might be working in Africa in September and you might be diving of a coral reef....but most people you know will be at home watching TV still concerned about you.
Just be happy

[KayKay58]

An interesting side note to this thread...Those same people who scoffed at us when we sold everything and bought our boat now send me messages after I have sent them pics of us sailing, telling us how lucky we are, and how they wished they could be us!! I have even hosted several of them aboard Phoenix, and it's funny, but I field requests every week from "friends" who want us to take them sailing. LOL. Now who has the last laugh!

[Talbot]

Originally Posted by Québec 1

I will be parking my trailor sailor in the states in the winter ( 75$ a month) and have access to the south seas when ever I want . My first trip will be to Cuba

Be aware that trips to cuba from the states can get you into real trouble including boat confiscation by US Big Brother. There is further details on another thread

[imagine2frolic]

I think it is real simple, and a friend once said to me when he found out I was leaving. He told me how envious everyone was of me. I replied he too could leave. He just had to seel everything, and go. His reply.......WE JUST DON'T HAVE THE BALLS!.

Some need to live within what they think is their comfort. Where as others just need to LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by KayKay58

Now who has the last laugh!

Good stuff

[trinescape]

well done kaykay58 you have made the jump and tell all the negative nellies to go bugger off one thing about cruising is the amount of like minded people that you meet and i just dont mean just sailing ,cruising people just seem nicer people and the real deal what you see is what you get any way well done enjoy your new life

[Molamolagirl]

Just tell them you'll send photo's. Your right until someone sees or lives that lifestyle, they dont get it.. YOU DONT HAVE TO BE MILLIONAIRE.. I lived on a 43 ft cat in Hondurus for 2 months and since it is free to anchor, food and ammenities were about $150.00 month. Living in picture perfect weather with the coolest like minded people you will ever fine. Ive just sold everything, rented out my house. I have 4 basgs of possessions, 1 dive bag of course, and Im taking a year off..Where who know but it will be great. GO FOR IT..good luck

[Delezynski]

KayKay58,

GOOD on ya! Go for it and don't worry about what others think.
Having said that, I would suggest you consider a smaller boat, and keep the house. We have our rented out and it's now making a profit and keeping us "Out Here"

We have been "out" for about 4 years and have no plans to head back.

Just an idea....
See ya...
Greg

[witchcraft]

Ahhh well, opinions are like...... I am certain my family thought I was nuts, likely still does. They have of course become used to me. I do not worry about shutting them up. I make my plans, change what is necessary and proceed. After all, their opinions do NOT really affect how I feel about my life. In September, it will be five years since we moved aboard full time. We still enjoy it otherwise we would be doing something else.
Congratulations on moving towards your goal.
Fair Winds
witchcraft