Cruisers Forum
 


Join CruisersForum Today

Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 08-03-2010, 20:36   #301
Registered User
 
navigator's Avatar

Join Date: May 2004
Location: ct
Posts: 24
Wow, I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall when men talk about women - from the soul. I think I just got my wish. I've written and deleted a million thoughts here. The best thing I can say is thank you.

PS I'm a problem solver too, I wonder if that's my 'problem' in finding a partner that I could cruise with. Am I robbing him of his role?
__________________

__________________
Westsail32 - S/V BALANCE
navigator is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 02:25   #302
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Morlaix Brittany France blog: theguerns.blogspot.com
Boat: Colvic Watson/32ft/Feels Good
Posts: 461
Images: 4
Send a message via Skype™ to feelsgood
dreams

Quote:
Originally Posted by Don Lucas View Post
Problem is that women don't believe men will carry though with the dream. Even though my wife saids she is in, has taken classes and is bareboat certified, let me buy a boat, has gone out on the sailing trips last year, etc. etc.; I'm still not totally convinced she is fully in.

That's why I started this and the other related threads.
The best way to aproach this is start with little dreams that can become a reality to both of you and then let them grow into the bigger dreams together
__________________

__________________
feelsgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 04:38   #303
Don't ask if you can't handle it
 
sailorboy1's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: On the boat somewhere
Boat: Hunter 410
Posts: 12,319
Quote:
Originally Posted by navigator View Post
Wow, I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall when men talk about women - from the soul.

Should always be careful what you wish for! :-)

May find out that it is questionable that some of us have souls.
__________________
sailorboy1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 08:30   #304
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Sausalito, CA
Boat: Freedom 33, Either Way
Posts: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by navigator View Post
Wow, I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall when men talk about women - from the soul. I think I just got my wish. I've written and deleted a million thoughts here. The best thing I can say is thank you.

PS I'm a problem solver too, I wonder if that's my 'problem' in finding a partner that I could cruise with. Am I robbing him of his role?
You might actually be in an enviable position. Finding a partner that shares your values and goals is sometimes a LOT easier than trying to change the values and goals of a partner you've been with for years.

For those of us that do attempt to turn our loved one's world upside-down with our dreams of small boats on big oceans, there are many, many challenges. But there is a right way and a wrong way to approach your spouse/partner about The Dream.
__________________
Nick O'Kelly -"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." - Lao Tzu
www.nickokelly.com
Nick O'Kelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 09:25   #305
Moderator Emeritus
 
hummingway's Avatar

Cruisers Forum Supporter

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Gabriola Island & Victoria, British Columbia
Boat: Cooper 416 Honeysuckle
Posts: 6,933
Images: 5
Problem solvers

Quote:
Originally Posted by navigator View Post
PS I'm a problem solver too, I wonder if that's my 'problem' in finding a partner that I could cruise with. Am I robbing him of his role?
I can't speak for anyone else but I find it easier when there is more then one problem solver. I've never enjoyed having soemone tell me what I should do but suggestions and help has always been welcome from all quarters. In my experience men help each other solve problems and it is generally appreciated I think. That's just my opinion of course. IT could be that it's different with some men and maybe it's different when its a woman helping.
__________________
“We are the universe contemplating itself” - Carl Sagan

hummingway is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 09:32   #306
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Morlaix Brittany France blog: theguerns.blogspot.com
Boat: Colvic Watson/32ft/Feels Good
Posts: 461
Images: 4
Send a message via Skype™ to feelsgood
I am sorry to say but of most of the men I have seen on yachts with their wives if another man is around and the wife sugests a solution to a problem the wife is talking out of turn and doesnt realy understand the situation. This makes the wife feel like a spare part and a fool. Whereas if the man makes the same sugestion he is a mate. There is the crux of the problem
__________________
feelsgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 09:57   #307
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Sausalito, CA
Boat: Freedom 33, Either Way
Posts: 19
Problem Solving

Quote:
Originally Posted by hummingway View Post
I can't speak for anyone else but I find it easier when there is more then one problem solver. I've never enjoyed having soemone tell me what I should do but suggestions and help has always been welcome from all quarters. In my experience men help each other solve problems and it is generally appreciated I think. That's just my opinion of course. IT could be that it's different with some men and maybe it's different when its a woman helping.
Men feel valued when they feel essential and integral to a solution. Men's brains are tailored for single-subject focus and are thus efficient at honing in and fixing things. Collaboration is not always more efficient between men working a problem together unless they have specific structural and hierarchical systems in place.

Women, however are much more capable of collaborative problem solving. Women's brains have been shown to be much more distributed and holistic in analyzing problems. They are much better at integrating disparate information.

Conflicts between women and men engaged in problem-solving sometimes happen when she naturally spends more time in holistic analysis and collaborative discussion while he just wants to jump in and take care of it himself.

On board, this is where domains of expertise can be very helpful. This doesn't mean traditional pink and blue jobs, but areas in which one of the couple assumes leadership. This should not ALWAYS be the husband, but often is.
__________________
Nick O'Kelly -"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." - Lao Tzu
www.nickokelly.com
Nick O'Kelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 10:01   #308
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Morlaix Brittany France blog: theguerns.blogspot.com
Boat: Colvic Watson/32ft/Feels Good
Posts: 461
Images: 4
Send a message via Skype™ to feelsgood
sorry! sorry! NO too many big words I'll have to ask Sally what they mean. As to pink and blue jobs Naaaaaah! we only have purple ones they get done quicker that way
__________________
feelsgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 10:05   #309
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Sausalito, CA
Boat: Freedom 33, Either Way
Posts: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by feelsgood View Post
sorry! sorry! NO too many big words I'll have to ask Sally what they mean. As to pink and blue jobs Naaaaaah! we only have purple ones they get done quicker that way
You two obviously have it down right. We all need to learn something from you guys!
__________________
Nick O'Kelly -"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." - Lao Tzu
www.nickokelly.com
Nick O'Kelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 10:09   #310
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Morlaix Brittany France blog: theguerns.blogspot.com
Boat: Colvic Watson/32ft/Feels Good
Posts: 461
Images: 4
Send a message via Skype™ to feelsgood
Hey Nick forgot to mention that if you want to use any of this rubbish I am writing in your book PLEASE feel free to do so. Our names have been used before not always in a kind manner but there you go par for the course
__________________
feelsgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 10:25   #311
Registered User

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Sausalito, CA
Boat: Freedom 33, Either Way
Posts: 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by feelsgood View Post
Hey Nick forgot to mention that if you want to use any of this rubbish I am writing in your book PLEASE feel free to do so. Our names have been used before not always in a kind manner but there you go par for the course
That is very kind of you. The book is with the editor right now. I'm sure she'll have suggestions. I'll contact you through this forum then for quote confirmation?
__________________
Nick O'Kelly -"A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." - Lao Tzu
www.nickokelly.com
Nick O'Kelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 10:28   #312
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Morlaix Brittany France blog: theguerns.blogspot.com
Boat: Colvic Watson/32ft/Feels Good
Posts: 461
Images: 4
Send a message via Skype™ to feelsgood
Best to get us on psg1640@gmail.com as the spring work starts soon and we wont be on the forum so much
__________________
feelsgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 11:40   #313
Registered User
 
anjou's Avatar

Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Malvernshire, on the sunny side of the hill.
Boat: 50' steel canal and river cruiser
Posts: 1,905
Quote:
Originally Posted by navigator View Post
Wow, I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall when men talk about women - from the soul. I think I just got my wish. I've written and deleted a million thoughts here. The best thing I can say is thank you.

PS I'm a problem solver too, I wonder if that's my 'problem' in finding a partner that I could cruise with. Am I robbing him of his role?
Having worked with men all my life, Ive heard all there is to be said about women. Most hasnt been polite, complimentary or nice. That says something about some men, but most guys just dont understand most women and vice versa. The battle lines are drawn and they tollerate one another most of the time. Many people are so fearful of being single, they put up with appaling or mediocre relationships in preference to singledom.

One guy told me that having a brain and an opinion was likely to get me or someone else killed as Im unlikely to jump to attention and do or die without question when ordered to do something on board.
__________________
www.amy-artimis.blogspot.com
anjou is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 12:20   #314
Registered User
 
Stillraining's Avatar

Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Puget Sound
Boat: Irwin 41 CC Ketch
Posts: 2,876
I just asked my wife whom is sitting across the room from me in front of the wood stove:

I asked if she felt I valued her opinion...She said yes...This was after I miss worded it and asked her if I listened to her...She laughed at that one...

Were both haveing a good laugh now..
__________________
"Go simple, go large!".

Relationships are everything to me...everything else in life is just a tool to enhance them.
Stillraining is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2010, 13:23   #315
Registered User

Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Morlaix Brittany France blog: theguerns.blogspot.com
Boat: Colvic Watson/32ft/Feels Good
Posts: 461
Images: 4
Send a message via Skype™ to feelsgood
all yur life

Quote:
Originally Posted by anjou View Post
Having worked with men all my life, Ive heard all there is to be said about women. Most hasnt been polite, complimentary or nice. That says something about some men, but most guys just dont understand most women and vice versa. The battle lines are drawn and they tollerate one another most of the time. Many people are so fearful of being single, they put up with appaling or mediocre relationships in preference to singledom.

One guy told me that having a brain and an opinion was likely to get me or someone else killed as Im unlikely to jump to attention and do or die without question when ordered to do something on board.
Thank God you havent lived all yur life yet so you have a very good chance to meet some of the OTHER men in the world and trust me there are different ones to the ones you have met As patience is one of womens greatest virtues I know you will be patient and keep yur eyes open
__________________

__________________
feelsgood is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
men

Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Three Men Survive a Week on Capsized Catamaran Aussiesuede Cruising News & Events 22 31-08-2009 08:21
Men return to Mountains and to the Sea because.... JohnnyB Challenges 4 10-10-2008 09:48
The Passing of a True Giant among Men... Rangiroo Off Topic Forum 6 11-01-2008 01:27
real men bigwhyte Off Topic Forum 9 06-05-2007 02:40



Copyright 2002- Social Knowledge, LLC All Rights Reserved.

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 19:46.


Google+
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Social Knowledge Networks
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

ShowCase vBulletin Plugins by Drive Thru Online, Inc.