Things you Wished you'd Known before you went Cruising

[Livia]

By the way, before I sound like a friendless misanthrope , we have met tons of nice people on the water and some that we have formed long lasting bonds with, but getting to that deep-in-the-bones long-term friendship is harder for me when you spend a short time together and then everything else is on email/skype.

MarkJ, yep, Maslowe good point. As you have probably figured out, I had my own problems with the self-actualization part at first but it is easy to find ways to give back if you are motivated and so I did.

I think things are easier for me than they would be if I was alone because my friends/family need is so well met by my husband.

DOJ - the instant version of our life story can get old but then again I am always interested in hearing other people's background so I ask the same question.

I've decided that there are kind of 3 levels of cruiser relations for me:
1) Are they nice? Almost all of the cruisers (but not all) we meet are nice. This is the kind of person you would have beers with if they ask.
2) Are they interesting to you for some other reason? Shared hobby, or boat type, or just personality. This is the kind of person you invite over whether or not they ask.
3) Do you click? This is the hard part. We meet lots of nice, interesting people but we meet fewer people where we have this instantaneous click. When people talk about "instant friendships" while cruising I assumed they meant this level. Maybe they do and they find more of that level than we do? Maybe it is our age (late 30s)? Maybe it is just our personalities?

Anyways, I am a very happy cruiser who is back in N America for a spell and missing her boat and the tropical waters so none of this is going to stop me from continuing to cruise in the S Pacific!

[zeehag]

i find if someone needs to drop anchor on mine , i will not meet them in friendly terms. i will prolly not try to meet them.
same with those who have to stand behind those sorts of souls also.
non-rude souls, yes i will meet, eventually.

[cfarrar]

Livia,
You aptly describe the challenges of making friends, especially the part about the difference between nice people and people with whom you click on a deeper level. The thing is, I wonder if this is even more common living ashore, especially in suburbia, as you get into your 30s? Especially once you and your friends have kids? This is what my wife and I have found: we seem to find more satisfying friendships while cruising in the summer than ashore in the winter. Colin

[sailorboy1]

Originally Posted by MarkJ

Lol you got that one wrong! Lol I miss my friends from home every day. And for some weird reason the bunch of 6 of the closest can't communicate by email and certainly can't afford to visit.

I probably wrote my post wrong. Since I've moved 6 times in the past 8 years my long term relationships have all been wiped out except for occasional communications. And before that my wife and I were Navy so that of course was always changing as far as long term friends that you had a lot of everyday contact with. So far as my wife and I are concerned taking off cruising isn't any different as staying at home far as friendships go.

What I met to say was that cruisers are more likely to be the type to not let long term friendships from making them stay in one place to preserve them. I read this a lot to be an issue to women more than men.

I wonder if I wrote the above in a way that is understandable.

PS - far as a needs pyramid I had a massive flashback (and not acid was involved)

[Livia]

Originally Posted by cfarrar

Livia,
You aptly describe the challenges of making friends, especially the part about the difference between nice people and people with whom you click on a deeper level. The thing is, I wonder if this is even more common living ashore, especially in suburbia, as you get into your 30s? Especially once you and your friends have kids? This is what my wife and I have found: we seem to find more satisfying friendships while cruising in the summer than ashore in the winter. Colin

That is an excellent point and maybe that is the difference. So many of my friends on land who either had kids or had no hobbies (sorry, but at least for my friends the introduction of kids meant the reduction of hobbies), had a hard time meeting people once they left university. When these people go cruising they probably find it much easier to meet people than they did on land.

We've decided not to have kids and when we were on land we had hobbies like rock climbing and when we went climbing we met lots of people that we became friends with. We never had the problem of meeting interesting like-minded people on land. So for us, cruising made it more difficult. We have a sport we do from the boat and we have met a lot of great people on land while cruising because of it.

Plus, many of the people our-age-ish cruising have kids and as people who actively decided not to have kids, other people's kids are not super interesting to us. We have met many parents that we really liked but not having kids as one of our hobbies limits us sometimes from hanging out with them as much as we would like.

[cfarrar]

We have met many parents that we really liked but not having kids as one of our hobbies limits us sometimes from hanging out with them as much as we would like.

Great point, and as much as cruising parents love their kids they probably wish they had a little more freedom to hang out with interesting people like you and your husband!

[harmonysimone]

Amen

[JPA Cate]

Hello all,

When Jim and I started cruising, people used to row around the anchorages, often one would be motioned over to a boat, and then a "schmooze" would occur, and that is how we used to meet people. Later on, some SSCA member friends of ours, on an Australian boat called "Currikee" taught us to always go introduce ourselves and if there were going to be a "beach BBQ" or a "pot luck" ashore, to invite everyone, even the guys in the big boats. They all, we all, appreciate being included. So, my advice to the newbies would be to make yourself known, work at it.

Something I've noticed is a tendency for cruisers of the same nation or rallye group tend to look within those groups for friends, and not so much among "foreigners." If you do that, you are likely to be perceived as "clique-ish". I heard about a lot of hurt feelings from Kiwis whose invitations to morning tea were not accepted; nor did the invitees offer any socializing.

Livia, I'd say those friendships where everything "clicks" are rare, whatever your environment, and definitely to be nurtured. I bet you already know that! ;-)

[harmonysimone]

Originally Posted by harmonysimone

Amen

That was meant to be an amen to a previous post, but obviously I have no idea what I'm doing yet (re: responding to posts). Sorry to clog the thread.

[Seaworthy Lass]

Originally Posted by harmonysimone

That was meant to be an amen to a previous post, but obviously I have no idea what I'm doing yet (re: responding to posts). Sorry to clog the thread.

Hit the 'Quote' button first, then type your response. You can delete parts of the quote if you are just responding to something specific. If you want to respond to several posts, hit " for each one (to the right of 'quote'), then hit 'quote' for the final one.

You'll get the hang of it quickly once you start posting more .

[Capt Phil]

To be honest, I'm honored to be part of this forum and consider all of you, even the ones who've 'flamed' me, to be friends, albeit electronically. I'm sure there are are few 'dicks' among us but the knowledge, respect and generally friendly nature of the regulars here is a link to my former life living, cruising and working afloat.
Folks who post here regularly are by and large reflective of the cruising community I was once a part of until health forced me ashore and near medical resources. They tend to be helpful, welcoming to newcomers, knowledgeable and generally have a great sense of humor. Their concern for others is memorable. I recall when MarkJ sailed south and fell off the radar screen for a few months. There was a sincere and somewhat profound level of concern, as I recall. When Boatman got stiffed in Perth, many here rallied to his side, particularly, wotname, something you would rarely find shoreside. This forum is reflective of the cruising community I remember... I salute all of you brothers and sisters out there livin' the dream and those wanna be's as well.
Cheers, Phil

[jmcdboater]

Originally Posted by Capt Phil

To be honest, I'm honored to be part of this forum and consider all of you, even the ones who've 'flamed' me, to be friends, albeit electronically. I'm sure there are are few 'dicks' among us but the knowledge, respect and generally friendly nature of the regulars here is a link to my former life living, cruising and working afloat.
Folks who post here regularly are by and large reflective of the cruising community I was once a part of until health forced me ashore and near medical resources. They tend to be helpful, welcoming to newcomers, knowledgeable and generally have a great sense of humor. Their concern for others is memorable. I recall when MarkJ sailed south and fell off the radar screen for a few months. There was a sincere and somewhat profound level of concern, as I recall. When Boatman got stiffed in Perth, many here rallied to his side, particularly, wotname, something you would rarely find shoreside. This forum is reflective of the cruising community I remember... I salute all of you brothers and sisters out there livin' the dream and those wanna be's as well.
Cheers, Phil

Amen to you, Capt Phil.....hope you days are staying good.....

[Irish rambler]

Good Luck to you Capt Phil, Stay lucky.

[janice142]

Not wished I'd known so much as miss a lot: radio nets! I'm on the Gulf coast of FL and have yet to hear one on this coast. I've found folks to be friendly for the most part. People are great most everywhere. Those traveling in tandem however seem more wrapped in each other than open to meeting new folks...

As wisely suggested by Ann T. Cate, I do row and greet boats. But not the first day figuring they need rest. And if the anchor technique is dreadful I might tend to stay away.

Definition of dreadful: standing on the bow and heaving a danforth knock off as far off as possible, in a place with shifting tides. The good thing was that when he dragged (and he did) it wasn't toward me. And his anchor line appeared too small -- would have been (indeed is) appropriate for my 7' dinghy, but then again I am protecting my home so perhaps I've more rigid ideas about appropriate anchoring skills and equipment. 3/8" incidentally -- I looked on my way to shore.

I am careful (soloist) and would not stop by and chat a boat with a couple of guys aboard. A couple though or a single fellow? Yes, I'd say hello. Still, in remote anchorages I rather like enjoying the quietude.

Not all who are alone are lonely.

A couple things that have helped with the whole soloist bit: last January I knuckled down (after four years) and went ahead and bought wifi for the boat. It was good to again have my imaginary friends (that's you!)

And recently I was given a Kindle. As twice this year I ran out of books (remote anchorages encourage reading) well, this is just a miracle. I wish I'd bought one years ago. It's better than I imagined.

But what I wish most of all is that I'd come out sooner. This is my turn and I'm going to enjoy it for all it's worth. Life is great afloat!

[rw58ph]

The things we wish we know before buying and becoming a live aboard was:

What to do with our worldly junk/stuff, especially the sentimental and remembrances? We gave what we could to family friends and charity, there was still at last two dozen trips to the dump. Its amazing what we collect over time. Do I really need 3 of these?

How little 30 amps 120 volts AC is. We had to set the break dozens of times each day. When we lived in the house we never threw a breaker? Whats 30 amps and where can I buy more amps?

How little two hundred gallons of water is and 12 gallons a hot water. I just fill the tank yesterday? It seems the water and/or the hot water usually ran out in the middle of a shower. Ahhhh!

How little room there was for shoes, cloths, shoes, person items and did I mention shoes? Had to par down to two small closets. We where forced to wear the same thing more than once. How embarrassing! We have to buy another boat just for our stuff!

What you can not put down a marine toilet? How come the toilet is plugged again. I only used two hand full of Charmin toilet pape? We are limited to only things that have been eaten, so the toilet can not be used as a garbage disposal?

How small the holding tank is. What is the smell and brown stuff running down the hull? What do you mean the holding tank has to be pump out? So who does that? We do? You must be joking?

The refrigerator is to small as there is no room for our drinks, and NO ice? Ok so we don’t have to eat! Remember, in college we lived on beer, pop corn and chips, We can do that again!

I don’t feel to well! How can both of us catch the flu at the same time, and how do we make the bloody boat stop rocking/moving. Gawds, I hope the toilet is not plugged again!

The boat makes these weird sounds. The toilet sounds like a garbage disposal, motors come on/off, we can heard water, the fenders and lines make creaky sounds. How does a person sleep with all this noise? What do you mean its relaxing?

So where did every body go, its only 6 o clock. What do you mean there are only two of us living in the marina and its an older couple three docks down. Well who are we going to party with?

Our address is West Marina, Dock 2, slip 3, Fairview. Seattle WA. What do you mean that is not a good address and our drivers license can not be renewed or have food delivered. Will you accpet our GPS locations?


You have to develope a sense of humor and take things in stride.