Originally Posted by ontherocks83
I by no means intend this to belittle your post or your experiences as I am sorry you've had to go through what you did. However this one statement struck a chord with me.
How do you know how these people feel or what they think when you get them to do things for you? How do you know what their consideration is when you get "more cooperation" from them?
Also if you purposefully are seeking out that consideration then it makes your statement very hypocritical. And that hypocrisy can even be from purposefully having you call or ask for help as opposed to you husband doing it.
Like I said I don't mean this as anything personal or demeaning to you, but sexism works both ways and nothing makes me more frustrated then when a woman thinks that by smiling and flirting with me that I will help them out or give them a deal or something for free just because they are attractive. To me that is incredibly demeaning and insulting for them to think that they can fool me to cut them a brake because they are a woman.
Wifey B: I don't take any of it as insulting. The real reason I'm more effective and get better consideration mostly isn't my sex. I'm far more outgoing and my hubby shy. He's uncomfortable calling strangers on phone
. I'm cool with it. Now is there some tendency to help the opposite sex more? I think so on both sexes. As to the consideration they expect, I don't think any. I believe they are just responding to someone being nice to them and treating them with respect. And I do so even if they're in a grouchy mood. I might have heard them talking to others. Like the last bridge we needed opened. I might say, "Hello kind sir, we'd really be very grateful if you'd let us pass through your bridge at the 11:15 opening. We promise to be good."
My hubby doesn't realize at all, never has, how women rush to help him. He flirts totally without knowing it and unintentionally. Basically by being nice and complimentary. Oh and he flirts with 18 to 80 year olds. In person he's great, but over radio or phone
, I'm better. Let me give you an example of him. Last time at Starbucks. He smiles and say, "Oh my....what a smile you have. You made me forget why I'm here. Not coffee. Let's see. Oh I'd like...." He got his order and then said, "Thank you so much. You've brightened my day." Does it sound corny, like some line? Well, the woman was 20 years older than him. A little kindness goes a long way.
Flirting is a hard thing to define actually. Where does being nice and sweet become flirting? Is it when you're after something? Or when the other person thinks you're sweet? I don't know. I guess in some way, he and I are both big flirts. But not in a bad way. We're not trying to pick the person up or get something for nothing. We're just genuinely trying to be nice to people we meet. And we all talk differently to the opposite sex.
Now as to hypocritical, if the question is have I ever used my looks to get something I wanted or my way, the answer is yes. When younger, before meeting my husband. I think lots of young girls do. But young guys flirt with the girls behind the counter too. Then it became important to me to be successful on the basis of who I am, not how I look. I've never worn so many clothes or covered up as much in my life as I did as an elementary school
teacher. I hid as much of that part of me as possible. There were certainly job avenues I could have pursued to use female charm, so to speak. Look at pharmaceutical sales. Almost all attractive females. They recruit college cheerleaders.
And I don't judge girls who use their looks to get things. I don't individually know their situation in life. Is it sexist in it's own way? Absolutely. It's actually taking advantage of sexist attitudes. But sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.
And some really do anger me. I know a case recently, the girl goes after the head
of the company full speed, aggressively. She has a four year affair with him. He finally decides he doesn't feel good about himself and must stop it. She sues for sexual harassment. That's just wrong.
It's not a simple subject. The one thing I say though is just not to discriminate or be prejudiced based on anything not pertaining to what's at hand, from sex to race
to hair color to weight. Base things on the real person. And all children
should see unlimited possibilities in their lives. If we don't provide that feeling to them, then we're letting them down. We're heavily involved with an orphanage. Every one of those kids
feels rejection of the worst type, from their parents. Getting them to dream outside the world they've lived in is the hardest thing. And what some of them have been told.
But then I know. I was told when I was 14 that I'd never amount to anything so I better learn to use my body to get what I want in life. By my father. He said "Look how useless your mother is." I heard him remind my mother often that the only purpose of women was to serve men, even the bible said so. I'm blessed to have found a man so totally opposite to that who saw all I am, all I could be, and always believed in me. I honestly didn't believe it was possible. I often though perhaps my father's perception of the world was how it really worked. I remember waitressing and using looks to get bigger tips and then feeling guilty, wondering if the tips were because I was a good waitress or other reasons.
So I don't take offense because times in my life I did the things you talk about. I think now I use kindness, not sexuality. But then I don't know the thoughts of others. How can you be kind to the opposite sex and they not sometimes perceive it other ways?