My female thoughts on what I think we women need. I've been reading threads that ask if relationships should end if the cruising life dream is his but not hers. Whoa!
I've been cruising, liveaboard
at different times over years. Twice on monohulls, once for two years on a catamaran
. We're selling the boat now and although it's time to sell, part of me grieves at the loss. The wondrous adventure and freedom that fills me when the sails
are full and the boat strains to fly faster, cutting quietly and quickly through the sea will be sorely missed. My fast moving, fast healing youthful self is missed too.
It's time for us to do other things, travel Europe
more, intern at a Congressman's office, finish the stone wall at home, finish writing a half completed book sitting patiently on my desk... these are all part of my ways to live life fully too. Maybe charter
a boat for a month in the South Seas, or Greece
, or the BVI, I'd like that too.
Possibly our next gig will be a year in Kenya doing some medical
work, and learning
more than I can ever give to those wonderful people. It's my time now if I ever could go live in Kenya for awhile. It's my time to find depth
to my life and use what I have left wisely.
I've loved sailing, in my soul...indeed I taught my husband Bob how to sail...I realize there's another side for me that I think many women have in common. Women, unlike most men
, need and usually have other women we depend upon as our support persons. Support for stuff about our relationships, children
, jobs, health
, age, and our personal struggles to grow we bounce off a few deep friends. It makes us stronger and gives us a sense of unity and balance.
I meet other like minded cruising women, and this works for us for awhile, but then we part sailing off in different directions.
Boat life tends to give long periods of isolation from our personal support people, and darn little personal space. Men
, who tend to go it alone emotionally, except perhaps occasionally with woman he's talks to some, don't feel the loss women feel when they depart their land world, or the need to connect in the same way.
At times when I talk to other cruising women their men growl at me when I've said, I need a home to go home to, my nest, for at least part of the year...as they worry their wife might really feel the same. Or could. And might thier dream come crumbling down?
Rather than break off loving relationships why not a compromise? Keep a modest apartment or home in the place she has that support. Fly her home every now and then to get her head
settled and feel her own person. Then enjoy the reunion when you get together again! Maybe you can't get the biggest and best boat or afford more upgraded equipment
right away and afford this 'break' for her.
But I can say, this independance and connection to my own seperate, strong world away from the boat would have made me even more delighted with the whole cruising lifestyle. The amount one woman needs would differ of course compared to another. I suggest an understanding compromise rather than 'my way or the highway' approach.
Give her a regular break from the boat and I'll bet she'll want to be on the boat more and more. And want to see you more too. It'll be way more fun than cruising alone!