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Old 13-07-2009, 16:55   #31
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bash,

I think you are pretty close to the main idea. Motivation yields acceptance. I'll go to the doctor for a Colonoscopy if I know I don't have to go back for 10 years. All this is just a variation on cruising. Life no matter how you position it or where you choose to live has the ups and downs. When you feel like the ups are better than the downs it's not hard to like it.

People change and so does what they like and want. I could learn to like other kinds of whiskey. I'm absolutely sure of it. Everybody has to be a little bit flexible. If you can't do that you might as well get a 1000 lb anchor so you don't have to leave.
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Old 13-07-2009, 17:43   #32
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I hate to say it but we have had this discussion on a number of occasions on this forum.

And there is a boat here called 7309. The 73 is when he wanted to go and the 09 is when he left... and the partner was to blame.

Men go to sea sucessfully with a partner or alone. And many who start alone don't end up alone!

Tell the partner: "I am going. Its your choice to be with me or not". Then she will find a way to thouroughly enjoy the boat, sailing and the trip.
If she is allowed to put peramters on it you will never go: "I will go if its a $1m cat" etc

Make the ultimatum

Our life happens once. Even in heaven there is no reference to doing anything, just sittin' around on clouds


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Old 13-07-2009, 18:09   #33
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Hey GordMay,
Kinda of honored that you replied to my two cents here. I was just writing out load earlier that I wonder to what extent someone can be talked into cruising. However, there are no doubt plenty of folks that had there concerns, to put it mildly, and now cannot think of living life any other way. Any sceptics out there, especially women, that were once hesitant and now estatic about their, or rather, their Captain's idea to take off? What made you decide to take the leap?
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Old 13-07-2009, 20:00   #34
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I
Make the ultimatum
Mark

Ha, you and Blue Sovereign may have the right solution... I saw that link to Ocean Girl's site but I figure there are probably 5 guys for every guy there... My other half is worth working on and I do hope she will come about, I think with time, patience and perhaps the Ultimatum, she will...

Cheers
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Old 13-07-2009, 21:05   #35
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Hey GordMay,
Any sceptics out there, especially women, that were once hesitant and now estatic about their, or rather, their Captain's idea to take off? What made you decide to take the leap?
I was skeptic, I am a country girl from Oklahoma, I loved my gardens, my house, my land and all it had to offer.
My Captain is a dreamer and thu the years I have stood by his dreams and his many endeavors but THIS one I laughed at. For one, I get seasick on a swing!, and you want me to LIVE on a boat!
But I share his love for the water..and I love him with every ounce of my being..what makes me happy is his happiness and I mean that,..
so we came up with a 10 year plan ..we would buy a boat, a cheap boat that I pick, live on it, SOLD EVERYTHING continue to work..Meanwhile I am getting used to it, we are saving money and in 10 years we see.

Its been alittle over 1 year and I will never go back to land. I LOVE it on the water..and I cant wait to get outta the marina and go cruising.

...and we lived happily ever after.
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Old 13-07-2009, 21:27   #36
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You go babykinz! One never knows what may happen next.
Bye the bye, the green is not legal, on the water in a boat is federal territory.
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Old 13-07-2009, 22:41   #37
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You go babykinz! One never knows what may happen next.
I think the harder you push someone the harder they resist.
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Old 16-07-2009, 23:55   #38
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most of your battle will be keeping the kids happy,short sails on nice days with a park for the kids to play or a nice beach at the other end are great .Maybe somewhere nice for dinner will go down well too.If they`re not that keen on the sailing make it a fantastic destination .they may even learn to like the sailing too.Above all else don`t scare anyone choose perfect weather .10 years of family life aboard and still going!!!!
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Old 17-07-2009, 04:15   #39
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Tell the partner: "I am going. Its your choice to be with me or not". Then she will find a way to thouroughly enjoy the boat, sailing and the trip.
If she is allowed to put peramters on it you will never go: "I will go if its a $1m cat" etc

Make the ultimatum

Mark
Umm, have you had many happy marriages?
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Old 17-07-2009, 04:30   #40
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Umm, have you had many happy marriages?
Nope, I've never been married. But a sucessful cruising life.
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Old 17-07-2009, 05:09   #41
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Nope, I've never been married. But a sucessful cruising life.
Having a successful cruising life, and balancing a good marriage with a cruising life, are two very different tasks in life. Ultimatums are not usually part of your tool kit in marriage.
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Old 17-07-2009, 05:20   #42
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Having a successful cruising life, and balancing a good marriage with a cruising life, are two very different tasks in life. Ultimatums are not usually part of your tool kit in marriage.
At least you understand my point
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Old 17-07-2009, 06:18   #43
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Buy a boat, name it after her, cruise to exotic ports - fly her there to meet you.
I know a captain who had a very supportive partner who hated sailing. She sailed from port to port - he would meet up with her. He was great, and they had a lot of fun together! Usually, he'd get there a couple days early to check the island out, by the time we sailed into port he was ready to be our tour guide. I admired their marriage and the way they made it work.
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Old 17-07-2009, 06:21   #44
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At least you understand my point
Indeed I do.

I was single for 37 years, and could do whatever I wanted to. I have been married for 14.

I was very happy being single, and had enough fun to last a lifetime. But I am still much more happy being married and will not go back to being single (unless forced). But it is a hell of a lot of work, and dictating how you take your vacations is not part of the deal, if your wife has a mind of her own (and if she doesn't, she's not worth being married to). That's why all the other guys in this thread are agonizing over how to persuade and sell. These problems are not indicative of their being kitty-whipped. It's just part of married life.

In some ways it's even more fun that way -- it's an additional challenge, which is rewarding when you are able to overcome it. And once you have, it's more fun together, than if you were by yourself (notwithstanding all the missed opportunities you might have had cruising alone!).

Spoiling them is a classical, and very effective tactic, as you guys already know. This question is very much on my mind right now, because I am just in the process of buying my own boat instead of chartering every year, and so the crucial question comes up how to get them to go along with more and more time on the water. She is supportive (she is even contributing $100k out of her rainy day fund), but it's a huge step up in commitment to sailing, compared to chartering a few weeks a year, so she has lots of misgivings. A few things I am doing:

1. Honey, it's much more comfortable and roomy than the charter boats we always had.

2. You can decorate it! There's room on the bulkhead for pictures, and unlike charter boats, this one is our very own and you can pick out linens and dishes and all that other crap.

3. It has a washer/dryer on board!

4. It's got (will have) a watermaker, so I swear I'll never yell at you again about leaving the shower on while you're soaping up! I swear!

5. It's got a special place just for you to sunbathe! (It's a center cockpit boat with an after deck).

6. I'll do all the cooking! (Besides the navigating, helming, sail-handling, passage planning, mechanical repairs, but never mind.)

7. Our children will grow up to be real sailor-men (even the girls) with solid values in life!

8. Think of how much money we'll save on renting them! (My wife is too smart for that one; didn't fall for it for a minute.)


The ultimate secret weapon -- I'm trying to figure out how to put in a hot tub.


You hard core single sailors will be amazed at all this ridiculous unseamanlike bulls**t we go through, but I suspect you married guys will understand exactly what this is all about. You'll also know it's worth it in the end!
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Old 17-07-2009, 06:41   #45
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Indeed
Nicely put

I would only add that if willing to live with the consequence of that ultimatum being you go alone.........then better off going alone - whether you actually give that ultimatum or not.

If yer lucky enuf to find a keeper. keep 'er
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