More Men-and-Women Issues

[pauliebear]

didnt ask if Im domesticated or not, so really close too apart from the age difference lol

[Cherp]

I dream of the olden days when the little woman (ball and chain) stayed home and cooked and cleaned. The man came home to his meat and three veg. Life was simpler. Roles defined. No drills in the arse. Those were the days my friends.

[Aussie Sealady]

Ahhh MarinerJo

If only. (Sigh)

From your details on here a man who can sail, wear a hat well and good with horses!!!!

What more could a woman want.

Geography is an issue.
Ahh well (another sigh)

[Aussie Sealady]

Cherp.
If you have that enjoy it.

Pauly Bear. Pity you are in NZ.

How is the Rugby going?

[boatman61]

Originally Posted by Aussie Sealady

Ahhh MarinerJo

If only. (Sigh)

From your details on here a man who can sail, wear a hat well and good with horses!!!!

What more could a woman want.

Geography is an issue.
Ahh well (another sigh)

And you said you were a "Go Getter..."

[Aussie Sealady]

Another (Sigh)

[boatman61]

LOL....

[anjou]

Originally Posted by Cherp

I dream of the olden days when the little woman (ball and chain) stayed home and cooked and cleaned. The man came home to his meat and three veg. Life was simpler. Roles defined. No drills in the arse. Those were the days my friends.

If you were in my life with that attitude, you would be minus your meat and two veg.

[Cherp]

My wife has a PhD in psychology. She's very bright. She steers our boat and I crew. Works for me. She also has spatial ability which I do not. My forte is making sense of ambiguity. She don't scare me. I'm pleased she's bright. She once said it is a pity they don't have "show and tell" at the university because she could take me as an exhibit .

[Cherp]

Originally Posted by anjou

If you were in my life with that attitude, you would be minus your meat and two veg.

Har har har

[imagine2frolic]

Originally Posted by anjou

If you were in my life with that attitude, you would be minus your meat and two veg.

Oh yeah, and WITTY too......i2f

[Sandero]

Relationships are difficult as interests, and desires, need to mesh and compliments... and there are so many of them... it almost always involves compromise. The concept is great, but unless you seriously alter your *wish list* expectations, and so forth... these will come back to haunt you. People need to grow together on a shared path... not as easy as it sounds.

Now devoted sailors (cruiser types) all share the *competence thing*... they are good at all sorts of activities... sailing, navigation, and maintaining all the systems on a boat... and that's fairly complex. Men seem to adapt well to that level of mechanical pursuits...

Many relationships work because there is a complimenting of roles... and this is a notion many accept and grow comfortable. He is the earner, the fixer and she is the care giver, the cook, blah blah blah. He is masculine... she is feminine. This is the prevailing paradigm. And it can work for sailing couples. But it's really not the best way. Yes it does relieve skipper from, for example, preparing meals.. or cleaning (traditional female roles)... but this is quite different than sharing ALL roles.... which offers a kind of redundancy.

With the rise of the feminist paradigm.. many women have jumped into all the traditional male jobs and roles. All of course except altering their "gender qualities". This often creates a kind of cognitive dissonance... people want to be in the new paradigm on one hand and the other at other times... or simultaneously! This is a difficult conflict for both males and females to resolve in some of the modern type relationships. it's no longer a male dominant - female dominant paradigm.. but a male AND female dominant one. No leader follower... two leaders! YIKES

If the legacy roles were not lurking there is the background this should not be a problem... it would be like two dominant competent males sharing a boat, the responsibilities - a boat share partnership. But when the common sexual paradigm is considered it usually being male dominant and female submissive (sorry for the shorthand)... the modern dominant - dominant paradigm has to be set aside. YIKES... turning on and off paradigms constantly is rather difficult to pull off.

What to do? You need to partner up within one paradigm or you and she be a good paradigm switchers... something few can do.

Some I suppose establish clear roles for various aspects of their relationships... She may be in new paradigm for *work*... sailing duties and so forth... but when it comes to *romance* they revert to the old paradigm.. or *another one*.

I've dated... many years ago.. a women who was very capable, fixed things, loved to do all the mechanical things, but was also very feminine and *blonde*. She could jump between roles. She was a rare bird. Most of the sailor gals I met and respect, have abandoned their *feminine side*. This doesn't mean they aren't physically attractive or look and dress like males.... but it means that the more traditional fem roles no longer interest them... they seem to have moved pretty much to being strong independent career oriented not family or nesting oriented women.

I'm not going to pass judgment on any of the female sailors on CF... they all sound great to me...nor the men. When sailing/cruising becomes a lifestyle or central focus of your life, male and or female it most defintely will skew the traditional paradigm of male female roles. It can work... but both parties need to be mindful of what this entails... and that means re alignment of gender role/responsibility/duties expectations.

[anjou]

All very profound defjef, it kinda spells out what we all know to be the case. There are places / situations / societies where the new thinking of role sharing can work, without anyone being undervalued, upstaged or left feeling out egoed, but they aint round here.

Travel broadens the mind and typical Brits dont travel much and it makes for an introverted, narrow minded society where those who are different are treated with contempt and mistrust by those who cannot handle change.

Mum started computer classes last winter. Shes 70 soon and her peer group are the same age. She lives in a backwater where things havent changed, despite the advent of global TV. Most of the class have learned to copy and paste, drag and drop, email, up and download etc but one woman is having a hard time getting it so in typical local fashion, she protects herself by accusing the learned of 'showing off' or being too 'bloody clever'

When I was 11, I failed my exams for secondary school, meaning I couldnt go to the Grammar, and was destined for the Comprehensive, a lesser school by far. I was sent to boarding school instead, but, my parents had me assesed and found my IQ was 135. I was bright but not academic, but it meant that I was bullied through school.
What Mum and I experienced is the flip side of the same coin. It seems to go with the teritory, a local phenominon of a small introverted community.

On a wider scale, British men treat women the same way. If we are dumb, we are badly treated and abused, if we are bright go getters, we are resented.
This happens at all levels. In 1976, the sex discrimination act was passed. It meant that women cannot be paid less than men for doing the same job, yet 36 years on, the pay gap is just as bad. The percentage of women in top jobs is less than 10%, most of the low paid and part time jobs are done by women, many of those are part time and dont have contracts or job protection and security.
Now the recession is biting hard, the biggest rise in unemployment is in young people and women.

Stop the country, I wanna get off.

[Wotname]

Hmm... sounds like a bad hair day Anjou, I trust tomorrow (or next week) will be brighter.

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by anjou

... I'm not a qualifications type person. The way I see it is you can either do the job or you can't. A qualification can be designed and printed off in 10 min, or bought. It holds little merit to me...

Which suggests that you might invest a few minutes in designing and printing a suitable "qualification" for yourself. It might reflect those things you can do well.