Relationships are difficult as interests, and desires, need to mesh and compliments... and there are so many of them... it almost always involves compromise. The concept
is great, but unless you seriously alter your *wish list* expectations, and so forth... these will come back to haunt you. People need to grow together on a shared path... not as easy as it sounds.
Now devoted sailors (cruiser types) all share the *competence thing*... they are good at all sorts of activities... sailing, navigation
, and maintaining all the systems on a boat... and that's fairly complex. Men
seem to adapt well to that level of mechanical pursuits...
Many relationships work because there is a complimenting of roles... and this is a notion many accept and grow comfortable. He is the earner, the fixer and she is the care giver, the cook, blah blah blah. He is masculine... she is feminine. This is the prevailing paradigm. And it can work for sailing couples. But it's really not the best way. Yes it does relieve skipper
from, for example, preparing meals
.. or cleaning
(traditional female roles)... but this is quite different than sharing ALL roles.... which offers a kind of redundancy.
With the rise of the feminist paradigm.. many women have jumped into all the traditional male jobs and roles. All of course except altering their "gender qualities". This often creates a kind of cognitive dissonance... people want to be in the new paradigm on one hand and the other at other times... or simultaneously! This is a difficult conflict for both males and females to resolve in some of the modern type relationships. it's no longer a male dominant - female dominant paradigm.. but a male AND female dominant one. No leader follower... two leaders! YIKES
If the legacy roles were not lurking there is the background this should not be a problem... it would be like two dominant competent males sharing a boat, the responsibilities - a boat share partnership
. But when the common sexual paradigm is considered it usually being male dominant and female submissive (sorry for the shorthand)... the modern dominant - dominant paradigm has to be set aside. YIKES... turning on and off paradigms constantly is rather difficult to pull off.
What to do? You need to partner up within one paradigm or you and she be a good paradigm switchers... something few can do.
Some I suppose establish clear roles for various aspects of their relationships... She may be in new paradigm for *work*... sailing duties and so forth... but when it comes to *romance* they revert to the old paradigm.. or *another one*.
I've dated... many years ago.. a women who was very capable, fixed things, loved to do all the mechanical things, but was also very feminine and *blonde*. She could jump between roles. She was a rare bird. Most of the sailor gals I met and respect, have abandoned their *feminine side*. This doesn't mean they aren't physically attractive or look and dress like males.... but it means that the more traditional fem roles no longer interest them... they seem to have moved pretty much to being strong independent career oriented not family
or nesting oriented women.
I'm not going to pass judgment on any of the female sailors on CF... they all sound great to me...nor the men
. When sailing/cruising becomes a lifestyle or central focus of your life, male and or female it most defintely will skew the traditional paradigm of male female roles. It can work... but both parties need to be mindful of what this entails... and that means re alignment of gender role/responsibility/duties expectations.