Men at Sea

[BubbleHeadMd]

My new slip-neighbor perpetuates that stereotype.

She has to have everything new and perfect, no matter what the cost or how painful it is. To that effect, she made her husband take out a $50k+ loan out on this huge, new, SeaRay motoryacht.

As I was prepping for a sail this weekend, I heard her sternly directing him to shut the circuit breakers to power up the A/C, the 'fridge, the entertainment center, and finally- the engine. All this, while his brother, his sister-in-law, and their wailing infant sat there watching him sweat his ass off, preparing to depart without so much of an offer of assistance.

My other neighbor, who has known this guy for years says that he's the nicest guy and has always been beaten down thusly.

Mari comes across as much more grounded, and down to earth, and it makes sense that she would object to being lumped in with people like my neighbor. At times like this, I have to forcibly remind myself not to "gender profile".

The women on the crew of the boat I'm currently racing on, know WAY more than me, and when they're teaching me, I shut up and pay rapt attention. I hold them in high regard.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by GordMay

Could you direct us to an example?

LOL!

I think fair comment that CF does have above average numbers of those wearing a "got bitten on the ar#e by life" T-shirt. But I don't think it deliberately gets expressed negatively - just as a point to consider from those with experiance of having worked and saved up for 20 years.......... to pay for the Divorce (s)

Makes sense really given the subject matter of CF is about heading off into the Wide Blue Yonder - gotta attract those not only heading to somewhere, but also from..........and happy to share some of the "from"

[Mariness]

Originally Posted by Livia

If I understand your post here correctly, you are not disagreeing with the stereotype that too many women spend too much money and are too girly, you just don't like it being said by men or to be said in a way that you perceive includes you?

No, I don't actually think there's anything "bad" about living that way. I don't like it. But it's a valid choice if it's what they want - but if you don't, then why did you hook up with a woman like that? My problem would be with men who had a bad experience with 1 woman and assume the rest are the same way. Or who maybe don't know what they really want in a partner, but assume the problem must be the fault of all 4 of their ex-wives. I'm sure the same happens with multiply-divorced women -- but in this particular arena, the guys have the ladies pretty substantially outnumbered.
Stereotypes can be fun to play with when it's clearly in jest, this isn't some PC thing, but when it seems like people really believe them and it colors how they treat others around them - that's what I meant.

[nautical62]

I've sailed with at least 10 different women over the last decade. Some of those cruises are among my best sailing memories.

Having spent at least as much time sailing with men, I'll make the following general observations:

1. Men are more likely to repeat. They make the sailing time an ongoing priority more than women do. The women I've sailed with enjoy the experience just as much but are much more likely to let other things going on in their lives to take priority in the future.

2. Most of the men I've sailed with like a challenge, whether it be in the schedule, pushing their limits or the adventure of more extreme snorkeling. They are happy with most any boat that gets us out there. All the women I've sailed with much prefer an easier schedule, with warm, mild conditions and time to relax. The ergonomics of the boat are an important part of the experience.

3. For more relaxed cruises, such as charter trade time, women seem a better compliment. I've really enjoyed these cruises and hope to do more of them. This will probably be a big part of my upcoming cruising boat decision.

I enjoy sailing with women. I wish finding compatible female crew was easier and the return rate greater.

[Stillraining]

Originally Posted by Livia

If I understand your post here correctly, you are not disagreeing with the stereotype that too many women spend too much money and are too girly, you just don't like it being said by men or to be said in a way that you perceive includes you?

Well put Professor..


To the Op:..I will admit to being one of the ones to tell young lads to keep their zippers shut if they want a carefree do as they please low cost sailing life, answerable to know one....I will continue to do so.

Personal experience sister!...

I would not change my situation for anything, but that's not the point I warn young men about...I got lucky...It could have turned out differently and been regrettable...It has taken me 23 additional years to get my boat due to the attraction to a brazen beauty of the finer sex then having kids ( yes we got married first) and all the responsibility that come with it...trying to be a good husband and father providing for our needs and putting aside my personal dreams for another season in my life...which is drawing close once again..

Only dead beat dads or crass bums would do otherwise IMO

So yes I will continue to warn young men of the responsibilities of their choices and actions...

Knocking up a girl whom you failed to tell.... "Oh by the way Im selling everything and buying a tiny boat and sailing around the world eating beans and rice....wanna come?...No? ..well Im leaving without you then..good luck to you and the kid"....is inexcusable and not alowed.. IMHO

So whom am I really tougher and comming down on the Girl or the Guy?

I will carry on.

[Mariness]

stillraining - I have to admit, didn't see it as a responsibility thing. Yeah, pretty tough for those guys. It's the part where you say "FAILED TO TELL". I knew this was an interest of my husband's before we were married and before we were sleeping together. That's a pretty major part of who you are that should be on the table before the relationship gets to that level, I think.
But things do happen, and if leaving the kid was the only other option, then yeah, I would say you should do right by them.

[Livia]

Originally Posted by Mariness

No, I don't actually think there's anything "bad" about living that way. I don't like it. But it's a valid choice if it's what they want - but if you don't, then why did you hook up with a woman like that?

For sure, if we had a nickel for every man who sought a perfectly manicured woman and then complained about how long or how much money it took her to get perfectly manicured, or every woman who sought out an arrogant arse and then complained he was an arrogant arse to her...we'd be rich.

[Mariness]

Realizing I just dated myself by calling it a "hook up"...
I think I have my answer.
In short - Yes, some people have had bad experiences and so they sound a little bitter. No, this is not the majority. And even those who are a bit off because of it are easy to get around and don't make much trouble for those around them.
Therefore, since Livia's nickels are unlikely to arrive anytime soon, I'm going to sign off this discussion and go do some paying work, and learn more stuff from all the other discussions so we can get out there with the rest of you.
Thanks for all the helpful comments

[mintyspilot]

I'll add my 2p worth.

Livia - us blokes are visually driven. We cannot help it. A pretty woman gets us every time. As we get older we realise that the pretty young fillys are usually "flighty" and self-absorbed and poor company (for balance I'll point out that young men of that age should be kept in a barrel and fed through the bung-hole). Although I love my wife dearly and would never cheat on her in the slightest way, I still cannot help enjoying the look of a very pretty young woman, but my wife is my soulmate and my perfect companion. She is irreplacable.

I agree with the points Nautical, stillRaining and David old jersey. Us men should hang around and be responsible for our children and that is at least a 20 - 25 year project. If you want to go when you are young then it is sailing OR kids. Choose.

As far as men undervaluing womens' wants, the reason is that most of the things women want are not what men want. My wife's friend cannot see why I like to go flying or why I want to start sailing. To her it is a total mystery. She has a wardrobe full of clothes she never wears, more shoes than Imelda Marcos and thinks shopping is fun. Neither of us will ever understand the other in these respects.

Take boating. I look at a boat and think does it have too big a draught for what we want? Are its water tanks big enough? What state is the hull and rigging in? My wife starts with the interior and will she be comfortable? She is not worried if we have to gut it, paint it and reupholster it. For instance, she looked at this old boat with a rear cabin and ensuite heads and thought that it could be brought up to scratch whereas a much newer boat she looked at got dumped because she said it felt cramped. I simply said to her that maybe the second photographer was no good. I'm looking for a "sound" boat, she is looking for a comfortable boat. I guess we will settle on a sound, comfortable one. We will not be buying for a couple of years yet so these two boats will be long gone.

[sailorboy1]

Far as the orginal post - Must just be a bad day! Near as I can tell from the 4 related threads I started is that overall sailing/boating women are lower "maintenance". Of course there's always exceptions!

My new theory is that to be happy boating women want.........water! This of course becomes a system wide approach. But then I like water and its' uses too so I'm good with it.

[Jace]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Nice rant

Now get back to the ironing

LOL! Hilarious, David.

[Jace]

Sorry folks, but the PC crowd is wrong. Women are not only different than men, I have a theory that they are a whole 'nother species . . . or we are. Either way, there is but an adumbrated connection of such a disparate psyche.

Hate to seem solicitous, but if anyone is interested, an example of this is on my website. Just click the joekeck link below and go into the archives list of the Let's Talk section. The date will help you find it. Wednesday, February 9, 2011. It's entitled, "Chickspeak". Hope you enjoy it, and thanks in advance for reading.

[pillum]

Apologies to W.B.Yeats for the steal...

No matter how old I get I still crave female company, and I love it when my wife sails with me.

How can I, that girl standing there,
My attention fix
On ketches or bermudas
Or on any other rig?
Yet here's a traveled man that knows
What he talks about,
And there's a hardy sailor
That has read and thought,
And maybe what they say is true
Of the sea and boating charms,
But O that I were young again
And held her in my arms!

[zeehag]

every soul is different--not just male and female--lol--- try living with a pig of a man for a while. eeeeps..... rather not have A PIG ON BOARD--I ALREady have a kat to clean after and meself. i dont like the gurlee stuff- hangnails rule!!
stereotypes sukk..... have a reallly goood day.
however, if a REAL man came into my life, that is another story and another page in a book of living.....

[capn_billl]

Well I try not to be bitter, and I'm sure there are hundreds of women that enjoy boating, (in whatever form), and don't mind the occasional hardships of being out of credit card range of the mall.

But for everyone of those there are 20 or more that say that enjoy boating, and even put up with a couple of boating dates, and then as soon as the ink is dry on the wedding certificate say, "NEVER AGAIN". And refuse ever to put a foot on the boat, and start an unending nag campaign to get rid of it.