Looking for a Single Parent to Join Us

[JJB]

Originally Posted by BlueWaterSail

I believe you are trying to mesh what's best for your kids with what you would like for yourself. You are by choice very close to your kids, but worry that your plans to cruise will deprave them of the diverse social environment that they need. Parenting has, at the end of the day, a lot to do with sacrifice - the kids come first. And, most importantly, they decide who their best friends are, etc, I have doubts that you can recruit them - it just doesn't work that way.

BWS

Hmm. On that I can't agree. I have no issue with my boys, they are fine and well catered for, my daughter on the other hand is a different story.
My daughter used to be very very close to her mother, since her mother past away, she hasn't been able to relate to anyone female ever since, I simply want someone around that she can come to trust over time.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by BlueWaterSail

Lol, we're talking about kids here, not a community of swingers - this issue is being blown way out of proportion! In Europe topless is totally acceptable, even on TV! Lol ...

BWS

In Europe being topless would be acceptable only in limited circumstances, we don't all walk around in the semi-buff - no matter what the TV shows. Probably much like in Hawaii - you don't all wear loud shirts, have moustaches and paddle canoes.........whilst humming a certain tune

On TV in the UK you can use the "C" word (last night was in reference to the Pope ). Not so polite to use in day to day conversation, but the "F" word not totally uncommon...........but neither of which would I include in a personal ad just because on TV or I use them in conversation. But that's just me

Obviously how OP goes about finding a sailing partner (even a non-monkey business one ) is up to him, I can't claim that my own approaches with Wimin over the years have always led to me beating 'em off with a stick .........but appearing to ask for a woman (and her kid) to get their kit off as part of the opening pitch just seems to be creating an unneccessary barrier.......especially for Wimin with no monkey business plans.

But, as always, folks have different approaches

Anyway, that's me done with this thread.

[JJB]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Obviously how OP goes about finding a sailing partner (even a non-monkey business one ) is up to him, I can't claim that my own approaches with Wimin over the years have always led to me beating 'em off with a stick .........but appearing to ask for a woman (and her kid) to get their kit off as part of the opening pitch just seems to be creating an unneccessary barrier.......especially for Wimin with no monkey business plans.

But, as always, folks have different approaches

Anyway, that's me done with this thread.

I'm sorry if it came across that way, it was meant to come across, that there is a tolerance for it, whom ever we take, can do as they choose.

[JJB]

I got the errm strangest response to this today, I put the word out locally here, a single mother and her daughter contacted me, wanting to come with us, and would pay the entire cost of the trip, as long as we visit Maylasia and Thailand. Has no problem with the one requirement, will help with the kids education, is willing to stand watches, but still wants to pay the entire cost of the trip.

Something here smells a little like week old fish, as the saying goes, if it seems to good to be true it usually is, we are meant to have coffee with them tomorrow, I shall let you know what happens.

[aegean adrift]

Originally Posted by JJB

Something here smells a little like week old fish, as the saying goes, if it seems to good to be true it usually is, we are meant to have coffee with them tomorrow, I shall let you know what happens.

What feels "off" about it?


I can offer a perspective on some thinking about why it's a good idea for women to pay their own way, if you like.

[JJB]

Originally Posted by aegean adrift

What feels "off" about it?


I can offer a perspective on some thinking about why it's a good idea for women to pay their own way, if you like.

Well think about it for a minute, the cost of food, customs fees & bonds in some cases, sat phone bill, berthing, wear and tear on the boat, watermaker etc it all adds up quite quickly. It's not that I have an issue with someone else wanting to pay for all of us, it's more a case of common sense, why would you do that, when the ad says you only need to pay your own way, despite how much money you have.

[Laidback]

Originally Posted by JJB

I got the errm strangest response to this today, I put the word out locally here, a single mother and her daughter contacted me, wanting to come with us, and would pay the entire cost of the trip, as long as we visit Maylasia and Thailand. Has no problem with the one requirement, will help with the kids education, is willing to stand watches, but still wants to pay the entire cost of the trip.
we are meant to have coffee with them tomorrow, I shall let you know what happens.

Keep an open mind - don't try reading too much into this response - if you come to an agreeable understanding, and if all the children approve; then the details are privy -- plan your voyage and fair winds and good luck.
All the very best

[aegean adrift]

There are very different kinds of "common sense." My particular logic:

-- A person who wants a joint venture will contribute and participate proactively.

-- A submissive will buy the silver platter option, which IMNSHO is the most expensive deal out there.


To my brand of common sense and my way of thinking, this woman sounds like an adult who's mindfully providing for and protecting her daughter. Could be a very good role model for your daughter, and a thorough challenge to the construct you've presented thus far.

[Pete7]

Originally Posted by JJB

I got the errm strangest response to this today, I put the word out locally here, a single mother and her daughter contacted me, wanting to come with us,

Well, thats a good start Of course you are going to be suspicious, you and your children are going to be alone with a stranger in the middle of an ocean, so as a parent that's quite natural.

Her motives could be from either extreme of wanting to smuggle a couple of Kgs of white powder home, to one of wanting to show you that she isn't a gold digger. Until you meet her and get to know her you won't know.

Tread carefully and fingers crossed you have found someone who you could share an adventure with.

Pete

[JJB]

Well, we went and met them this morning, they were nice people, but in exchange for paying all our costs, they wanted a hard nosed set in stone itinerary, I'm just not into that.. We have a plan set out on what we would like to do but if we hear about something that interests us we will modify that plan on a moments notice.
So I suggested they pay 25% of costs and leave the itinerary open to change as we see fit and agree along the way, she wasn't interested in that either, so in the end this wouldn't work out, they were ok with learning to sail, the mother had already done some RYA courses which was great, they were quite happy with standing watches. We didn't close the door on her but pretty much said we weren't interested in a fixed plan, which no amount of money would change.

After we covered all that, she started asking on advice about buying a boat, relevant ways to gain ocean experience in short offshore passages etc, so I guess she wants to go it alone 100% on her own terms, I introduced her to the local broker.

[SaucySailoress]

Hey there - welcome aboard!! I totally fit your description, except that I'm married and don't have any kids.... but apart from that, I'm perfect!!!

As a schoolteacher myself, we want do do just that - boat school the kids as we sail around the Far East. (The kids bit isn't working out so easily tho!) It's great to hear about people who do successfully homeschool their boat kids. Kudos to you.

[JJB]

Originally Posted by Saucy Sailoress

Hey there - welcome aboard!! I totally fit your description, except that I'm married and don't have any kids.... but apart from that, I'm perfect!!!

As a schoolteacher myself, we want do do just that - boat school the kids as we sail around the Far East. (The kids bit isn't working out so easily tho!) It's great to hear about people who do successfully homeschool their boat kids. Kudos to you.

Lots of people around do it quite successfully, at one time we had a small group of kids in the pacific being "boat schooled" would get together on the HF and share idea's even lessons from some more specialist teachers, it was a great thing, I am told the group still exists albeit with a very different group of people now.

[kerstin]

Hi JJB. Sounds like you have a good plan and I hope you find the right people to join you. I would jump at the opportunity in a few years but kids too young at the moment! (6yr old boy, 4yr old girl, 1 yr old boy). I am based in NZ and homeschool my kids. Lived on my yacht for a year with first child but husband didn't like living aboard so have been ashore since last two were born. Recently separated. My caution would be that although it sounds simple to just add a Mum and a daughter life is rarely that simple (and women especially so!). It could work but be prepared for it not to work... different living styles from food to tidiness, different teaching styles etc etc. I have decided the ideal situation is to live apart but together... like two boats in dinghy range! I guess the hard part with that would be finding the right people with a boat similarly matched in speed. Anyway best of luck and I look forward to reading how it all turns out. I think you are doing the right thing in wanting a female around for your kids but finding a compatible one could be tricky!

[JJB]

Originally Posted by kerstin

Hi JJB. Sounds like you have a good plan and I hope you find the right people to join you. I would jump at the opportunity in a few years but kids too young at the moment! (6yr old boy, 4yr old girl, 1 yr old boy). I am based in NZ and homeschool my kids. Lived on my yacht for a year with first child but husband didn't like living aboard so have been ashore since last two were born. Recently separated. My caution would be that although it sounds simple to just add a Mum and a daughter life is rarely that simple (and women especially so!). It could work but be prepared for it not to work... different living styles from food to tidiness, different teaching styles etc etc. I have decided the ideal situation is to live apart but together... like two boats in dinghy range! I guess the hard part with that would be finding the right people with a boat similarly matched in speed. Anyway best of luck and I look forward to reading how it all turns out. I think you are doing the right thing in wanting a female around for your kids but finding a compatible one could be tricky!

Thanks Kerstin...
I don't expect it to be easy, I have always lived by the mantra, anything in life worth doing is hard, I don't mind putting in whatever is required to make something work. My marriage wasn't perfect, but is anyone's? I think it was still pretty good.
I don't expect someone to adapt to our way of life, I expect a new way of life to be formed as a result of us coming together with other people, it maybe hard at first however so be it. Part of all this is also finding someone with different teaching methods, every teacher has a different style my kids do well with me but they do even better when it's coming from more than one teacher.

[kerstin]

Cool sounds like you are onto it and going forward with eyes wide open Good luck!