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Old 21-04-2017, 09:30   #16
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

I was an educator for 20+ years (and was told I was a good one) and helped my wife through grad school (even statistics, which humbled us both!), so she has no problem learning from me, but...I decided a week live aboard class on a cat (her preference) would provide some unbiased ASA training without learning any of my bad habits.
We're going with water sailing">Blue Water Sailing School, and they have courses all over, but there are other companies out there; use Google. We'll cover ASA101, 103, 104 and 114, and it will serve as a refresher for me.

I could have continued teaching her on our boat, but since she'd like to move to a cat, this will serve us well, not to mention she has some valid reservations about weather, big seas, etc, ...

HTH!
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Old 21-04-2017, 09:33   #17
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

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Hey! Ok, I'm trying to get my wife to be a little more excited about sailing. She's not quite as enthusiastic about the thought of going out on the open sea and cruising for a week or two. I think she gets a little frustrated with my teaching style and shuts down lol. Maybe I'm not the most patient of teachers, I don't know. Anyway, instead of trading her in on a newer model, I thought I might try something else. I'm thinking about signing is up for one of the live-aboard coastal cruising/bareboat chartering classes that's offered. But would like to make a vacation out of it somewhere nice. Hoping for some recommendations.

Thanks!
Trade in on a used certified model with lots of sailing experience!
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Old 21-04-2017, 09:49   #18
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Couple of thoughts.

First my wife and I cruised for a few years but she never really "sailed", if that makes sense. She enrolled in J World San Diego and we made a vacation of it. Money well spent 😉

Second, most husband wife yelling fits come from the HUSBAND not being self confident in his skills. Race and train on your own and build up that muscle memory so tight situations no longer seem so tight.

Third, make it fun. Sounds like you have the right attitude ;-)

All the best!
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Old 21-04-2017, 09:55   #19
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Kinda late to this party. I was going to add that both my spouse and I took a series of liveaboard cruising courses in our early days of learning. We took the first one (Basic CYA) together, but then purposely took the Intermediate and Advanced courses separately. This allowed both of us to develop our skills and our confidence independent of each other. And this is a practice we continue by insisting there are no blue and pink jobs on our boat. We both do everything.

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... My wife has no desire to take an equal role in skippering the boat or making decisions. She is more traditional in that respect. But I do agree with the writers assessment that both parties need to know what to do in an emergency, which is one of my motivations for trying to teach her the basics. She does like being out in our boat, but couldn't care less about points of sail, man overboard recovery, when to tack, etc.
Im not trying to tee off on you SeaRags, but Im always surprised to see this kinds of approach to couples' cruising; where one member (usually, but not always, the male) is the skilled sailor/cruiser, and the other is basically a passenger. For cruising couples on smallish boats, this is at best unwise, and at worst, downright dangerous. Its fine for the occasional short-term trip, but for long-term cruising couples, this seems unwise to me.
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Old 21-04-2017, 10:10   #20
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

start slooow, bite your tongue, patince, smooth sailing in relatively calm conditions, shorter trips at first. some people never lke or adapt to boats, othersnever adapt to land.
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Old 21-04-2017, 10:19   #21
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

At the risk of opening a can of worms, there are a few things that you wrote that suggest the root of the problem. First you write that you don't know why she dislikes your teaching style. This would be a fruitful area for dialogue. Second you write "lol" after learning that you have shut her down in your attempts to have her share your interests. What, exactly, are we supposed to laugh about here? Finally, you graciously condescend to not "trade her in on a newer model". Do you realize what you are saying here? You are analogizing her to a car or some such object. I suggest that you get some counseling about your attitudes toward her before you venture out for weeks in a confined space with no ready exits from the situation.
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Old 21-04-2017, 11:01   #22
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

I used to help with a course for women given by CG Aux called "Confidence in Boating" solely for women on all types of boats, power and sail. I learned a lot. Where I live most of the women are talking about composting heads and power management, there are also a bunch of boats out there with manicured nails and martini's. And I have come to the conclusion that both kinds belong out there. Why? Because it's fun.

I think it really depends on what kind of cruising you plan on doing. If you are crossing Big Blue yes, she needs every skill imaginable and then some. If you are going up and down the ICW (and, yes, I do know it can get hairy on the ICW)
help is much closer, in terms of towing, mechanics, police, etc., and the need for self sufficiency is just not as great.

Ask your wife if she would like to take a course alone. Ask your wife if she'd like to take a live aboard course with you. Instead of deciding what kind of learning she will benefit from, ask her, she probably knows. Good luck!
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Old 21-04-2017, 11:19   #23
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Our mantra:
One does not teach thy significant other how to do something you know how to do.

We get some good (outside the relationship), instruction, and then compare notes. This has worked well for us.
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Old 21-04-2017, 11:45   #24
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Offshore Sailing School; Ft. Meyers, FL. 239) 454-1700

Great school; I believe they offer a woman's only sailing class; overnight sail to Key West was awesome!
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Old 21-04-2017, 14:17   #25
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

On our honeymoon last month my wife completed her ASA 101/103/104 with a week aboard in the BVI. It was a successful trip, but for several important reasons:

- We discussed my firm goal of cruising in retirement on our first date 3 years ago. Something she was open to then and has since enthusiastically adopted. It's a shared dream now, and that is key.

- We crewed a two day delivery locally last year to let her try sailing for the first time in a low-cost, low-stress environment. She learned a few things but it was really about just getting comfortable. Start small.

- Our excellent female captain in the BVI was one I had sailed with before. She also teaches women-only classes. When my wife takes Advanced Coastal on her own I hope we can use the same captain.

- I helped with some instruction but specifically did not jump in to take over from or correct my wife. I treated her no differently than the other students. Being there together allowed us to try doublehanded docking practice. That was a great confidence builder for both of us.

- We included a couple days of beach time following the sailing instruction to be alone, discuss the trip, and relax.

Good luck to the OP, and enjoy Spain!
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Old 21-04-2017, 16:54   #26
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Thank you all. Some really good advice here. I also wanted to point out to some that my original post had some content which was my attempt at humor. (Pretty sure most of you understood that). I wouldn't really trade her in for a new model, lol. I never yelled at her, and I backed way off after I realized my teaching might be having a negative effect.

Sounds like my best move here would be to do the classes, but without the pressure of the certification, see how she likes the bigger boats or perhaps a catamaran. After Spain of course.

Thanks All.
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Old 21-04-2017, 18:18   #27
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Maybe spend a week chartering in Spain? as well as the rest of the tour?

Ann

She needs to understand about the MOB drills, at least. I think a lot of women are pretty much in your wife's position, no real interest of their own in sailing. Some of them are content to sail and be there, and do as asked. That's better than nothing. If you stop and think about it, there's no real reason to expect any two things to be the same....I've had bilateral knee surgeries with different results, but both legs are my own! Ditto my cataract surgeries. Anyhow, her coming with you with good will may be the best you can hope for, but just imagine how much trust carstenb and Vinni must have with each other! Now that's a worthy goal!

Ann
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Old 21-04-2017, 18:29   #28
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

You better be careful... She might just trade you in on a newer model.
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Old 21-04-2017, 18:35   #29
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

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Maybe spend a week chartering in Spain? as well as the rest of the tour?

Ann

She needs to understand about the MOB drills, at least. I think a lot of women are pretty much in your wife's position, no real interest of their own in sailing. Some of them are content to sail and be there, and do as asked. That's better than nothing. If you stop and think about it, there's no real reason to expect any two things to be the same....I've had bilateral knee surgeries with different results, but both legs are my own! Ditto my cataract surgeries. Anyhow, her coming with you with good will may be the best you can hope for, but just imagine how much trust carstenb and Vinni must have with each other! Now that's a worthy goal!

Ann
I like the way you think. A charter in Spain could be a win-win. I will look into it. Honestly, she doesn't need to know "everything" about sailing. Just the basics.
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Old 21-04-2017, 19:48   #30
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Re: Liveaboard classes / vacation?

Second the suggestions for her to take a separate class...at least for introductory level training. Years ago when I taught for a very busy school which usually had multiple classes running most weekends, we would routinely put couples in separate classes.

Funny related story, sailing along with students one day, woman at the helm had been doing really well all weekend, suddenly she kept luffing...looked back and hubby was seated next to her and nudging the helm...the wrong way!

After getting some intro level training done, then do some liveaboard classes together. Unfortunately some schools will deliver intro level training on larger boats suitable for liveaboard...not the ideal way to learn. So, by booking intermediate to upper level classes liveaboard you avoid that issue.

Ive also delivered tons of liveaboard classes. Its a great way to learn and build some additional experience. However, dont overload on the training....allow some time just to enjoy the trip and gain some experience.
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