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Old 12-01-2010, 20:00   #46
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Old 18-01-2010, 11:42   #47
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Originally Posted by fishwife View Post
I'd written a long reply to this but a sailing forum isn't really the place, so I'm going to say just one thing. I know many decent men, some of whom I'm lucky to be able to call friend. I don't know of a single one who doesn't think, deep down, that there should be a captain and an admiral, rather than joint captains. That works for most of my female friends, it doesn't for me.

Paige
There is a plaque on my boat left from a previous owner. It says "I am the Captain of this ship and I have my wife's permission to say so." I guess it speaks to what you're saying. On the other hand I'm a tyro and have no problem handing over control to someone with experience - male or female. Out trying to improve on my mooring lines at 3 A.M in last night's gale a captain who wasn't me would have been welcome!

-Greg
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Old 17-05-2010, 22:10   #48
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Great thread!!! My family thought my husband and I were nuts to sell our house and go live on a boat, every time I walked into the room, I could hear tounges clicking and see eyes rolling. But I tell you what, I will not trade this life I have chosen over anything anyone would choose for me. I was very happy and loved our Cal 9.2, and now even more so with Echo, our "dream" boat. Would I do it again? In a Heartbeat!! Living aboard, and lovin it!!
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Old 31-05-2010, 06:04   #49
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Originally Posted by Ocean Girl View Post
I have been wondering if other women have felt this way so thought I'd start a thread about the clash of land life and boat life.


My land friends think I am a bit of a tomboy cause I know how to use a drill or know how to change the oil in my diesel MD20. (which we all know are pretty rudimentary skills - no big deal)

My boat friends think I am a bit of a princess because I love pink and get pedicures. A sailor friend calls me the "barefoot princess".

Its a funny thing, to have such differing opinions. It feels like I have a foot in two different worlds. Of course I am what I am, not trying to apologize for it. I just find it funny how one minute I am a tomboy, next minute a princess.

Anyone else have a similar experience?
When I say "shower" do you think "wedding- or baby-" or "meteor-" or "personal hygiene"? When I say "nails" do you think "hammer" or "manicure"? Yes, I've had something of the same experience with things that on a boat seem obvious competence and not gender-related at all, things we'd take for granted, seeming tomboyish or masculine to my land-based friends. Then again, some of my grandparents generation was shocked that a woman would be able to drive a car.
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Old 31-05-2010, 07:33   #50
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I cook
I clean
I iron

Why should it be such a surprise that some ladies know how to use tools and can change plugs etc.

This should not be considered role reversal, but opportunities to share tasks.

One partner doing all of one task, whereas the other does all of another might be viewed as the best allocation of skills or (for some) gods pre-ordained roles, but for me it is a means of avoiding working together.
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Old 03-06-2010, 17:50   #51
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Originally Posted by Ocean Girl View Post
I have been wondering if other women have felt this way so thought I'd start a thread about the clash of land life and boat life.


My land friends think I am a bit of a tomboy cause I know how to use a drill or know how to change the oil in my diesel MD20. (which we all know are pretty rudimentary skills - no big deal)

My boat friends think I am a bit of a princess because I love pink and get pedicures. A sailor friend calls me the "barefoot princess".

Its a funny thing, to have such differing opinions. It feels like I have a foot in two different worlds. Of course I am what I am, not trying to apologize for it. I just find it funny how one minute I am a tomboy, next minute a princess.

Anyone else have a similar experience?
Haven't read this whole thread but wanted to respond directly to your post. I love this observation and don't think I would have realized it if you hadn't pointed it out. My land friends most definitely see me as hardy and tough. Some even think I'm "deprived" of creature comforts like they have. It's true that I've given up most of my clothes (especially ANYTHING that has to be ironed), my walk-in closet, almost all my shoes (cry), all of my purses and other girly things. I'm okay with all those changes but sometimes it is very hard for my land friends, especially the women, to understand.

At the marina however, I'm the youngest liveaboard here. I still dress femininely and wear and do girly things. I show off my pedicures when I get them and dress up in theme clothes for the marina parties. I'll all girl here and thank goodness it's appreciated, even without access to the fancy purses, shoes and other accoutrements of land-based life.

Here's to being a "hardy" and "feminine" sailor ladies!
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Old 04-06-2010, 09:51   #52
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At the marina however, I'm the youngest liveaboard here. I still dress femininely and wear and do girly things. I show off my pedicures when I get them and dress up in theme clothes for the marina parties. I'll all girl here and thank goodness it's appreciated, even without access to the fancy purses, shoes and other accoutrements of land-based life.

Here's to being a "hardy" and "feminine" sailor ladies!
It's true she's the dame of the dock!
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Old 04-06-2010, 20:17   #53
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Ahhh, thanks Ben! Make sure you say hi the next time you're in town!
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Old 05-06-2010, 19:20   #54
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It'll be at bit : (
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Old 05-06-2010, 22:08   #55
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......my boat is bigger than many men's boats--is difficult to find a man who is not so insecure as to be able to deal with that ...LOL......
I find that difficult to understand, but maybe that's just me.
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Old 05-06-2010, 22:20   #56
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I'd written a long reply to this but a sailing forum isn't really the place, so I'm going to say just one thing. I know many decent men, some of whom I'm lucky to be able to call friend. I don't know of a single one who doesn't think, deep down, that there should be a captain and an admiral, rather than joint captains. That works for most of my female friends, it doesn't for me.

Paige
I think whoever owns the boat is the Captain, and if two people own the boat they should work as co-Captains.
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Old 05-06-2010, 22:23   #57
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Haven't read this whole thread but wanted to respond directly to your post. I love this observation and don't think I would have realized it if you hadn't pointed it out. My land friends most definitely see me as hardy and tough. Some even think I'm "deprived" of creature comforts like they have. It's true that I've given up most of my clothes (especially ANYTHING that has to be ironed), my walk-in closet, almost all my shoes (cry), all of my purses and other girly things. I'm okay with all those changes but sometimes it is very hard for my land friends, especially the women, to understand.

At the marina however, I'm the youngest liveaboard here. I still dress femininely and wear and do girly things. I show off my pedicures when I get them and dress up in theme clothes for the marina parties. I'll all girl here and thank goodness it's appreciated, even without access to the fancy purses, shoes and other accoutrements of land-based life.

Here's to being a "hardy" and "feminine" sailor ladies!
I love it hardy and feminine.
My co workers (read landlubbers) came over to see my boat a few weeks ago. They were quite fascinated that I have all my clothes in two plastic bins on the stbd side of my vberth, one friend just couldn't believe that my whole wardrobe could fit in such a small space. Funny thing is, I have too many clothes and am working on getting rid of items I don't wear on a regular basis.

The best part of their visit is how much they liked Ocean Girl and my marina, one friend said it was like going on vacation and everyone said they now understood why I smile so much when I talk about my boat, very cool.

Erika
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Old 14-06-2010, 00:29   #58
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It works just fine..

I taught my husband how to sail, how to navigate, how to be safe on the water. I do the navigation, docking, and feel like Im in charge. He is a wonderful cook, companion, and the fisherman. He is the muscle, and is in charge of all things mechanical and maintenance. We went through a "transition period" when we first moved from our house to full time cruising, but after a couple months everything fell into place. I don't feel the need to label our positions I call him the captain, he calls me the skipper.
One of these days, when we are docking right next to a crowd at a restaurant or bar, Im going to put on my short skirt and clean high heels when I dock the boat. It's a wonderful thread, and congratulations to everyone men and women who can get beyond the traditional roles so many of us grew up with.
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Old 14-06-2010, 02:40   #59
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My wife and I are a team...but we do have our own areas of responsibility.

We both are licensed Capts. so we share all sailing, navigating, watch responsibilities and keeping the boat clean. Cooking is about 75/25 because she is better at it but whoever cooks does not wash. I do make better coffee,which I do at 06:30 every morning.

Nell, provisions, handles immigrations, does all the electronic work, and won't let me do the clothes washing because I favor a uniform grey color!

I do all the engine work, rigging work and usually go forward to reef the main in bad weather but we both go over the side and clean the bottom and she does it more that I.

Emergencies have been rare; in a 45-55 knot storm off N Jersey we stood our own watches alone and when a truly dangerous situation developed I called "all hands" and neither of us remembers who did what to fix the situation.

We recognize each other's strengths; if it were an argument with immigrations she would say, "I am the Captain!" If it were a dangerous handling situation I would say, "my hands." But either of us can do what the other does, just not as well.

The point about co-captains is well taken. We have some very experienced people on board as guests and in those situations I am the Capt. because I am far more experienced. However, Nell is definitely First Mate!!! and when I am off-watch her orders are obeyed!
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Old 14-06-2010, 03:04   #60
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You are comparing a crewed vessel with a double handed sailing team...apples and oranges

The cruising couple example - Mom and dad sailed around the world together. They never discussed who is the captain, when the poop hit the fan there was team work to resolve the issue.

The crewing boat example- I crewed on many boats for many miles and as crew I obeyed the captain, even if I thought it wasn't a good idea.

Cheers,
Erika
Because of my professional background this Captain – Co-Captain Debate has always had me a bit confused as being too vague until Erica just helped me establish the parameters and Phil on Moondancer gave the examples.

I can now better understand a co captain arrangement for a couple who have similar experience and confidence in themselves (and each other) and do not have a 3rd crew member to confuse…. kids not being counted as I guess they know how to play one against the other.

Thanks Erica….Just goes to show that some old sea dogs can learn new tricks
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