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Old 03-11-2009, 07:44   #16
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Cool Sue, you sound very much like me, though I think men have given up on me Too competent is something I've heard more than once.

Paige
Wrong kind of guy. My wife and I "dated" rebuilding our house. The last thing I'd want is a helpless (incompetent) girl.
We're raising our kids the same way, both boys and girls should know how to do everything.
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Old 03-11-2009, 10:26   #17
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i havent had female friends since i worked sports car races as a course worker!!!! did that many years--so my friends are the kind who do use tools and accept women who use tools other than knives to back stab or snakes lol......my boat is bigger than many men's boats--is difficult to find a man who is not so insecure as to be able to deal with that ...LOL......
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Old 03-11-2009, 11:31   #18
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Thank you S&S,

Boats I have sailed on ,with lady skippers:

Tornado catamaran---she was my lawyer
505 dinghy same lady above.
Pearson Invicta yawl first class navigator
Inter Nat One Design match racer.

All excellent sailors, even better friends
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Old 03-11-2009, 14:02   #19
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No man, who is worth even a minute of your time (or any other woman's time, for that matter), would ever THINK of describing a woman as "too competent"! If you don't know it already, and I suspect you do, any man who says that you are "too competent" is actually saying that he is too IN-competent to feel secure around you!
I'd written a long reply to this but a sailing forum isn't really the place, so I'm going to say just one thing. I know many decent men, some of whom I'm lucky to be able to call friend. I don't know of a single one who doesn't think, deep down, that there should be a captain and an admiral, rather than joint captains. That works for most of my female friends, it doesn't for me.

Paige
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Old 03-11-2009, 15:12   #20
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You competent ladies just need to find a man who appreciates your talents.
I haven't changed the oil on any of our boats since Peri and I met over fifteen years ago. I do wash the dishes at least half the time though.
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Old 03-11-2009, 19:31   #21
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I can attest to Peri's skills in a second handed way as she was one of the longest running owners of Oh Joy back when she was named Liberty. Any woman who can singlehand 500nm from Venezuela to Puerto Rico in 48 hrs. on Liberty/Oh Joy has my vote.

As for the rest of ya. Keep doing what you're doing. I have three daughters and two of them do their own mechanic work. One, the youngest, does her boyfriend's mechanic work as well. My wife will jump right in and tackle a project with or without my help as well. If she hits a snag, she'll come ask me for advice which is freely given.

You GO girls...
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Old 03-11-2009, 19:43   #22
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I hear a lot of talk about how women should be able to pick up a screw gun, grind keels, and wear lipstick.

What should men know how to do? How about being in touch with their emotions? Often times women get shoved into needing to fill two roles but men can just go on being men. I know this is a little bit off topic, sorry.
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Old 03-11-2009, 20:59   #23
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I think it is right on target unbusted - but then I go back to why I think this topic interests me...do I care what other people think about me??? Well it seems less and less with every year of my life Thank God and the Universe...however, I am just too curious to turn my back and say it doesn't matter what others think...because to me that is where the learning can happen...

What I am getting at, is that we are all 'conditioned' whether we like to admit it or not...whether we buy into that 'conditioning' is our own story...however, I do think it affects us...whether it means we buy into it and never try something 'out of the box', or whether we push against it, and say I am going to define myself...it still influences us in one way or another...

and that is why I forgive the captain of a racing boat that I highly respected for his skill who screamed 'Get a Man on that Winch!!!' while we were racing and I was fighting getting a halyard raising the genoa after a spinnaker douse and mark rounding...I realize he was 'conditioned' by society and it also colored the words coming out of his mouth...instead of saying 'Someone help her?' or 'Can you manage???" I eventually raised it myself after stripping every internal gear in that sucker because it was broken and needed to be serviced and with his comment the adrenaline rush consequently put me to task...It was fun to see my teammates face who was sitting there with me when we took the winch apart later to check it out after the race and he saw all the gears stripped...

Men that keep there emotions in check and can't feel them are just fighting their conditioned tendacy learned early on by a parent or society or both that to be an emotional being is not alright...

So this is what I try to stay focused on when I am feeling imposed upon from other's belief systems; or when I am struggling with my own acknowledgement of my strength, apptitude, or will...

Sorry I am so wordey ...but this is a big issue for me and I have been trying to figure it all out for a long time
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Old 03-11-2009, 22:40   #24
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I hear a lot of talk about how women should be able to pick up a screw gun, grind keels, and wear lipstick.

What should men know how to do? How about being in touch with their emotions? Often times women get shoved into needing to fill two roles but men can just go on being men. I know this is a little bit off topic, sorry.
Having skills shouldn't really enter into masculinity or feminity. Men are men and women are women and I for one like it that way. That said, men should know how to cook, sew etc. and women should know carpentry, electrics etc.

Feminizing men or masculinizing women seems to me to be a completely different discussion from competence and skill sets.
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Old 04-11-2009, 08:43   #25
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I can attest to Peri's skills in a second handed way as she was one of the longest running owners of Oh Joy back when she was named Liberty. Any woman who can singlehand 500nm from Venezuela to Puerto Rico in 48 hrs. on Liberty/Oh Joy has my vote.
Charlie -
Peri says to tell you that it was 4 days, not 48 hours. Still not bad for a full keel 35' yawl, with the genny rolled up to about 25%, no main, and a reef in the mizzen.

That trip is why Liberty/Oh Joy now has two reef points in the mizzen.
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:39   #26
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What should men know how to do? How about being in touch with their emotions? Often times women get shoved into needing to fill two roles but men can just go on being men. I know this is a little bit off topic, sorry.
Perhaps it is off topic but I'm not convinced. I'm sure every woman on here has her own ideas about the ideal man for her. Some women, me included, have joined, partly because of a love of the sea but at least part of their motivation for being here is to find a suitable partner. Without in any way being critical, someone voiced a comment to the effect 'a man is a man and a woman is a woman and I like it that way'. I'd say that this has made the world go round for a long time so I recognise that I'm not exactly in the majority when I ask, what the *6$) has gender got to do with it. Within that quotation there is a certain assumption of privilege that I'm sure the person making it didn't even realise he had. Judging from my women friends, many accept that their man has a role that is limited to being a father to their sons, protecting their daughters, earning a wage and fixing things, oh and lifting heavy things

Getting personal, i.e. about me, the men I come across either want to be the 'master' of the house/boat, spending my money or want me to be their 'momma'.

For me, I question whether there is there ever going to be the someone who sits between these extremes.

You guys have probable have never heard of this, but my Manolo shoes are special.

Paige
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Old 04-11-2009, 10:59   #27
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You guys have probable have never heard of this, but my Manolo shoes are special.

Paige
I had to Google "Manolo Shoes" . But now I understand - blinged up Crocs -

Oh dang! I wasn't going to post on this thread
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Old 04-11-2009, 12:11   #28
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Getting personal, i.e. about me, the men I come across either want to be the 'master' of the house/boat, spending my money or want me to be their 'momma'.

For me, I question whether there is there ever going to be the someone who sits between these extremes.

Paige
Truth be told, probably most guys are between those extremes. It has a lot to do with what expectations you relay. (Guys really need things spelled out- much to the consternation of women).
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Old 04-11-2009, 12:46   #29
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I have sailed with gay men and gay women, and did not find out until much later, from third parties, what their sexual interests were. I can assure you, that on the boat, we were equals as sailors. Thats what we were there for, to SAIL.
I chose this example because it is the extreme end of what is typically thought of as male and female roles.
My point is, you often find in people, what you look for. Search long enough, and you can find something wrong with everybody.
Like DOJ, I think this one is like
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Old 04-11-2009, 13:06   #30
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Perhaps it is off topic but I'm not convinced. I'm sure every woman on here has her own ideas about the ideal man for her. Some women, me included, have joined, partly because of a love of the sea but at least part of their motivation for being here is to find a suitable partner. Without in any way being critical, someone voiced a comment to the effect 'a man is a man and a woman is a woman and I like it that way'. I'd say that this has made the world go round for a long time so I recognise that I'm not exactly in the majority when I ask, what the *6$) has gender got to do with it. Within that quotation there is a certain assumption of privilege that I'm sure the person making it didn't even realise he had. Judging from my women friends, many accept that their man has a role that is limited to being a father to their sons, protecting their daughters, earning a wage and fixing things, oh and lifting heavy things

Getting personal, i.e. about me, the men I come across either want to be the 'master' of the house/boat, spending my money or want me to be their 'momma'.

For me, I question whether there is there ever going to be the someone who sits between these extremes.

You guys have probable have never heard of this, but my Manolo shoes are special.

Paige
I started this post with a half humored attitude about how land people and boat preceive me. I had to reread my original post because I was confused why it was going "gender". I guess you all are more intuitive than I am. So you are not off topic cause I think this is the kind of thread that you let go where it wants to go.

I really relate to your motivation for being a member of this forum, I too hope to find a partner to share adventures with. Plus its the best source of info on the web.

I am Captain right now but would gladly give it to my soul mate. I have more of a "first mate" character and temperament, though I think I will make an even better admiral.

We all have a mate out there, don't change, you are pretty darn cool just the way your are.

Cheers,
Erika
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