Very interesting thread and I have just a few things to offer.
First I admire the women's posts here, especially Hallie's. Straight forward, to the point, no BS, "gladtameetcha' too Hallie. You remind me of the adage that 'no one will ever treat you better than you treat yourself'.
Second, I think the answer to most male problems, with both men
AND women, can be found in the mirror.
Let's think about this, what was the line? "most men live lives of quiet desperation"...One of literature's great truths I think. Now, what is cruising after all? It's an escapist lifestyle. Now that can be a good thing or a bad thing, depends on timing, and intent. Ask yourselves, what is it you are seeking to escape from, or is it something you seek to escape to.
I recently read an interesting report from a cruiser who was somewhere along the red sea at the time when a local asked him very simply something like this:
"Why are you here? You are an American yes? Don't you like America? Don't you have friends? family
? in America? Isn't America a wealthy place with opportunities to do anything? Why then do you come here to this poor backward place? Are you not happy in America?"
I have my own answers, I assume each of you have yours. And successful cruising couples, I suspect, have "theirs". Some involve the excitement of exploration and personal discovery, some involve simply running away from a life that no longer holds any meaning....
Next, Frankly I'm more impressed with the average mature woman these days than most men. They have much more the worst of it in these times of transient relationships, denials of personal responsibility and breakdowns in families. How many single
fathers do we have out there doing ANYTHING like putting everything they desire on hold and putting all they have into raising children
where the spouse has run off, just gotten tired of the work and responsibility, or just fancies himself/herslf as the latest incarnation of womanizer *James Bond*, or "Mata Hari". The answer is very very very few men, and many many many women.
Frankly, I meet a lot more 'old' "boys" than "men" these days...and more so around the yachting type docks. Otoh, I meet a lot fewer girls who should have become women a long time ago. If boys, (and young girls) would worry less about trophy appearance and more about gold standard substance, I think there would be far fewer unhappily married couples running around. As for women, or at least "young girls" (in mind if not in age) frankly, it doesn't appear to me that they often know what it is they want. They know what they THINK they want, but when they get it....well...
The comment on "let's get the sex thing over so we can get to know each other" seems a** backward to me. Love starts, lives, and dies between the ears, not between the thighs. If sex is your first priority, grab a straw hat, and ice cream cone and hit the county fair...back to school
young man, no matter HOW old you may be. There's a lot more to learn before graduation.....
Everyone keeps coming back to 'communication', and I'm down with that one too. The caveat being that it has to be *honest* communication to work, and a whole lot of couples these days have some real issues with honesty...Ladies, if you have a fat ass, you have a fat ass and all the disingenuous compliments in the world aren't going to change that. You might try eating differently, eating less, and moving around more. This isn't rocket science, and as for soliciting favorable comments from a spouse: Isn't an honest compliment or expression of affection of far more value than a deceitful appeal to vanity? God I would hope so.
When I was a kid on several occasions I was tagging along with my parents when my father would just up and buy something expensive for my mother and she would get teary eyed, kiss him..and just brighten up all over. Then when she wasn't looking, my dad would give me a look then pantomime going thru the motion of opening his wallet and throwing money
into the street then roll his eyes, and wink
When I got him alone a minute I asked him about it, and he shrugged his shoulders and smiled. "If that's what makes her happy, well, she's earned it". (I was one of four truly near uncontrollable sons
gawd I miss my dad hehehe.
Personally, the thing I don't like about flowers is that to give them you have to kill them..so I eventually came round to giving potted ones which may look kind of funny
, but resonates with me, while still displaying the appropriate intent. I just don't fancy killing things much anymore.
(plus if you're piss'd, you can always give her a cactus) heheheh
I was in love once. Long long long ago, when I was perhaps at my very worst; completely by accident
I ran into the proverbial 'love of my life', who brought out in me, my very best.
We had absolutely nothing in common except two things, we each had no fear of any human on the planet; and we loved each other more than life.
Entirely different classes
, nationalities, educations, family
histories, backgrounds, EVERYTHING different,,and it mattered not one whit.
Unfortunately our time together lasted only her lifetime. She was killed in a car accident
, along with my unborn son, and I went back to, well, what it was that I did. Spent ten years searching for her equal, never found her, and settled for a wonderful young lady whom I hoped and believed would make a good mother, which she did, but we were not *right* together, and eventually she found that what she thought she had wanted, she didn't want at all and moved on to another fellow with whom she has been incredibly happy all these many years since, and I am happy for her. It is a miserable existence to be tied to a relationship you no longer enjoy. (Often a major component of that 'quiet desperation' I referred to earlier).
There have been many women for me since, from all walks of life, a full spectrum of ages (all legal
btw ), from diverse financial backgrounds, nationalities, all with their own hopes, dreams, and desires; and I have given, shared, taught and learned in turn, from them all, and I am content.
Having 'seen the view from the mountain', however, I offer this last bit of advice: Cars, houses, estates, clothes, boats, fancy restaurants, nightclubs, broadway premiers, operas, Presidential dinners, well, in the end, they are all just "things"...
ahh, but to love, and be loved in turn,
now that is 'life'
and if you have that together, it doesn't matter if its a rowboat or a super yacht, a rural 3 room homestead, or a Park Avenue Penthouse, a Rolls or a Volks, you'll find a way to be happy. The converse is also true, if you Don't have that kind of 'love', then not even this ship and the money
to keep and sail her will make that ''quiet desperation' go away.....
(well, it might put a pretty good dent in it tho ..<wink>
I wish you all well.