Is it Worth Giving up Hockey ?

[Bill Lee]

The Admiral is prepared to consider my dream now (if I insist) but would prefer to pursue the dream after our kids have left the nest. We do cruise (power boat) for 2 solid months in the summer (and we all love it) and are considering saving up for a used Nordhavn in the future (possible to do if we continued saving and sold everything in the future - so we could afford the boat and have a decent cruising kitty). I'm prepared to wait but I also think that we are missing out NOW. The main factors holding us back involve our kids (well...my son). My daughter is 9 and she'll be happy doing anything although she will miss her friends and ballet (she's a lovely dancer). My son (he's 11) is the focus. He is a wonderful kid but a tough nut - he'd miss his friends too. He has some esteem issues (this post would be too long if I went into it all) and benfits alot from playing REP hockey. This is his second year of REP hockey and he LOVES this activity. He's also very good at it (no, he won't make the NHL - and no, we're not a hockey family - this sport was his idea and he started 4 years later than most kids and caught up quick - and yes, we love watching him). Hockey provides him with: respect from peers, comraderie (spg?), challenge, etc... He LOVES it. We can afford to cruise now (debt free and good asset base) but on a more modest boat/sailboat and never have to return to work (hence modest now) and provide our family with that experience now. So any thoughts/ideas about the sacrifice/benefits of leaving now versus later? Thanks and cheers,
Bill

[bljones]

Re-read your post and you'll see your answer.

To fulfill your dreams, you have to kill theirs. Unless you are a selfish cruel prick, that ain't an option.


Instead of discussing this with us, discuss it with them.
lay out the options to the family, and then shut up and listen. If your son sees his options are school, hockey, and rain, or boatschool, dinghies and beaches, you will find out just how important hockey is, how important home is to your wife, and whether your daughter really is that flexible.

[Connemara]

Give up hockey?

Never!

I play three times a week and I'm 61.

But kids change. When my son was 11, he loved hockey. Then he didn't love it so much. Then he stopped playing entirely.

So wait a year or so and the passion will probably fade. OTOH, other passions will take its place. There will always be something the kids don't want to give up.

Helpful, I know.

All you can do is keep your stick on the ice.

Connemara

[Bill Lee]

Nope, I'm not a selfish cruel prick (or is that selfish, and a cruel prick?). Like many posters, I'll decide my way - but I am interested in input from others (hence my post to the forum) in case there are factors I have not considered (pro or con) or perhaps I didn't attach enough weight to certain factors (pro or con). I know that there are many benefits to being full time cruisers - I think the greater degree of freedom and responsibility, the adventure, the community, the home schooling may very well outweigh the VERY significant benefit my son gets from hockey. As a parent, I constantly review my parenting style, my mistakes and what I'm doing right. Yes, cruising is my dream - not my kids' dream - but as a parent I need to do what's right. If I simply wanted to follow my dream - I'd go NOW. I do want input from posters, but going cruising is more than pursuing my selfishly cruel, prickish desire - its also about all the wonderful family time, the hard work, the challenges, the other cruisers and their kids. There's plusses and minuses there too that just may outweigh the benefits of hockey. That's why I'm looking for input. I will get my dream (perhaps later, not now) - but I don't want 10 years from now - when its too late to regret NOT having taken my family and giving them that gift. The issue is that I can't take 2 paths at the same time and this decision primarily rests with how much detriment/benefit there will be to my son - he's the least adaptable and most affected. Cheers,
Bill

[Unicorn Dreams]

Let's see, you want to decide between,

Sweaty men beating each other with sticks and banging into each other, or,

Bikini clad suntanned women in beautiful locations or suntanned men for the ladies out there..

Not to hard to decide in my eyes, always get satellite TV if you miss the grunting and sweaty guys that much.

I'll sit back having Sundowners and watch the ladies myself..

It;s not being selfish or anything else, you have done your duties raising your family, now it's your time for you and the Admiral to have YOUR vacation, the kids always wanted their vacation when they were growing up, now it;s your time to have your time and it;s their time to take their kids on vacation by their selves, buck up and be parents. We always have money allocated for flying home multiple times a year if need be...

Never nre od young boys that didn't eventually like looking at suntanned bodies.

[bljones]

But the world is different when you are 11. When his son is 13 and the hormones kick in...
that is when i gave up hockey.

[Capitana_Chani]

I would have a sit down with the whole family and talk about all the benefits of sailing. See if his interests lie there. You could sit down and tell the family that this summer they can do dance and hockey but next summer you want to engage in a big family activity with them all, i.e. the cruising. I think learning how to sail a boat is a HUGE confidence booster that will bring any family closer together. Giving them warning in this way will allow them time to adjust and they are warned way ahead of time to expect it. Get both kids excited by starting to plan where you will go early. What can they see at different ports? What I do NOT recommend you do at this point is put your foot down 'for the good of the family' and force them to go.

Anyway, there are my two cents.

[hummingway]

I loved hockey as a kid, still do though I no longer play, but also loved the outdoors and water. Spent my winters on the ice and and the rest of the year on the water and in the woods. Had my family gone on a cruising adventure I don't think I would have missed hockey; my interests were such that it would have worked for me. My son was the same way. Loved, and still loves, travel and adventure. He was always thrilled to leave school to travel.

My experience is that children often don't know what they want and certainly don't know what they will like until they've tried some things. The sad truth about life is predicting the future just isn't possible but if your children haven't found the shorter cruises they've been on to be fufilling it doesn't seem likely that longer ones. On the other hand, if they have, missing hockey may not be the end of the world for your son. It wouldn't have been for me but I'm the type you would have had to tie a tracking device to.

Good luck with the decision

(Go Canucks)

[Bill Lee]

Thanks for the posts - (even bljones's post - its clear you mean well). I don't want to put my foot down - I think I could 'sell' the idea if I really wanted to. Our community is fairly affluent and the parents of our kids' friends could fly the kids or bring their kids regularly to meet up with us for holidays. Who wouldn't want to be on a boat in Mexico, Bahamas (what have you) during the PNW winter? If I put my foot down - they'll hate it. Let's assume I can convince them - the issue is should I try to? Cheers,
Bill

[bljones]

Sorry, Bill, I didn't mean to give the impression that i thought YOU were a selfish prick. In fact, re-read what I wrote and you'll see that I meant just the opposite. A prick wouldn't even be asking the question.

[Southern Star]

Never having cruised extensively with kids, I can only rely upon what I have heard from others. As you obviously know, each child is different; nevertheless, from what I have read I suspect that your son may already be too old to make an easy adjustment to the cruising life: leaving friends and an activity he loves just as he approaches his teens.....

Will he make the NHL? You are right, it is extremely unlikely. Nevertheless, if he is playing rep hockey after such a late start, who is to say that he couldn't play junior, or perhaps college hockey? And if friends of his get that opportunity, do you want to be the one that held him back - to have to hear "if only I could have kept playing". Particularly since he has 'esteem issues', can you really take that risk?

Yes, I know that he could develop skills etc. while cruising that could greatly enhance his self-esteem. Many kids do. However, I agree with previous posters - you really need to talk to the family. Have the wife and kids read some books/follow some blogs on cruising families. Perhaps try to get your children to have contact, even by PM through this site, with children of members that are their age and are cruising.

If they are comfortable (or better still, even excited) about the notion; if they believe that they can have friends visit from time to time; if they see it as an adventure, rather than something they have to endure, then your venture is far more apt to succeed IMO.

Brad

[cdennyb]

another bucket list item you should just erase from your list and not try to cross off your list. Stick with hockey and the soccer-mom program. Dreams are just thoughts without substance. Don't worry, concentrate on the power boat trips and let this one go... divorce is expensive. You'll forget about it later... and you'll be money ahead. Cruising is a whole different world... I don't think you're ready yet... just MHO. Never mind me.

[mintyspilot]

My 2p worth.

I have a similar choice to the O/P. We could go before the kids are independent or we can wait until they are all over 18 which will take another 5 years. We decided that we made the choice to be parents and that means putting our kids first until they are adults themselves.

The delay gives us time to research, train and get ready rather than rushing everything and making a pig's ear of it.

[Bill Lee]

All Great advice - and interestingly enough, I was expecting more posts along the lines of 'do it now - before its too late'. If I was more 'techy' I'd do this as a poll (out of interest - that's not how I'd make a parental decision). Cheers, Bill

[GordMay]

Originally Posted by Unicorn Dreams

... It;s not being selfish or anything else, you have done your duties raising your family, now it's your time for you and the Admiral to have YOUR vacation, the kids always wanted their vacation when they were growing up, now it;s your time to have your time and it;s their time to take their kids on vacation by their selves, buck up and be parents...

His son, the focus of this thread, is 11 y/o and his daughter is 9 y/o.
He's hardly just begun raising his children, and is very rightly concerned with doing the right thing for his family.