Getting Fiance Interested in Sailing

[jm21]

I've gotten some great advice before on more boat-related topics on this forum before, so thought I might pose this question...hopefully in the right section.

Very briefly, I met a Taiwanese girl (from Taiwan) over the internet several years ago. We met up and started dating in February of last year and eventually got engaged. We are in the final stages of applying for her fiance visa (90 days to get married after she enters the country).

I have a sailboat, really enjoy sailing, buit have had very little time to do it between traveling to Asia to visit with her and house/boat projects.

She is extremely frugal (to the point of foregoing a wedding ring and ceremony) and moorage costs don't sit well with her, to put it lightly, especially when I haven't been using the boat much lately. Also, at least according to her, it's illegal for a Taiwanese to own a boat for personal use. So it's a pretty foreign concept for her and she thinks it's way too expensive.

I love that she is about as far from the big spender type as you can get, but I like sailing too and was hoping to do a bit of it with her. She's OK with trying sailing but wants me to get a boat without moorage costs. I think if I downsize to a trailerable boat she won't like sailing (too small inside).

So the way I figure it, I've got about 90 days to convince her sailing is great and worth the money after she gets here. Was hoping someone might be able to throw out some suggestions? Unfortunately the weather will be cold as hell for her most of that time...

[atoll]

sounds like you may have some cultural issues here,
may be take her to visit some older respectable longterm livaboard yachties.
asians generally have great respect for their elders,(taiwan,i was there in july in taipei)also generally boat folk in her part of the world are seen as low class,sell her the idea that it is a sport(of kings and gentleman in our culture) and important for your work and social status.

once you have got her round to your way of thinking if she gets sea sick tell her sex is a great cure..................best of luck its all about psycology or reverse.........

[jm21]

Thanks Atoll.

I should have been a bit more clear...I don't think I'd dump her if she didn't like boats, but it would make me much less nervous about our marriage if she did, so it would be great to get her interested before we get married. Would be very reassuring to me.

[maytrix]

So you've been together 3-4 years? What's the rush in Marriage? I'm not sure how old you are, but it seems too many people rush into it. If its the only way she can stay in the states I could see more of a rush, but otherwise take your time, see that you both have the same goals in life..etc.

It's one thing to enjoy someone's company over a relatively short time (3-4 years is not a lot) and another to live with them on a daily basis and set your life long goals together.

My wife and I were together 7 years or so before we got married.

[atoll]

didn't mean to imply dumping if i did was not the gist.
i have quite a few friends in mixed culture relationships,and they can be quite stormy at times,try to see things from her point of view,taiwanese are very goal orientated,and status concious,sell the sport aspect and social aspects these are things im sure she will be able to identify with.

also join a sailing club,so she can get to know sailing folk,and make her own judgement

[zeehag]

simple solution. buy a formosa/ct/hardin sea wolf 41. anchor out. ta daaaaa!!!

[Kimarah]

Move onto the boat? Then you are saving money and its really a house...

[Wand]

I know this isn't a marriage counselling site but from what you've posted, my response would be: yikes! danger, danger!

For a marriage to work, both parties have to feel free within it. You can't exercise power over one another. If the handcuffs are snapped on, then you'll always be wanting to break out. It's not boating and whether you can get her to like it that's the issue; because if it's not that, it'll be something else. Respect for what the other party wants to do, and the granting of space to do it, is fundamental. I'd query whether you have that at the moment.

[jm21]

It's an immigration thing...they won't let her into the US now that she has an American boyfriend basically.

[jm21]

Originally Posted by zeehag

simple solution. buy a formosa/ct/hardin sea wolf 41. anchor out. ta daaaaa!!!

How practical is it to anchor a boat out long term? I coudl do it in Sinclair Inlet or Gig Harbor up here in WA but would worry about it breaking loose, running into something, and costing me major $$$.

I actually have a pretty good view of Sinclair inlet from my house...

[dana-tenacity]

You are doing well, we had 30 days to get married before she got kicked out.

[SVHALLEL]

Hello to ya. I lived on a sailboat before being married to my lovely wife from the Philippines. It is a slow process to acquaint Asian women to boating. There have been a few other Asian marriages in our harbor also. My wife gets really seasick so that does not help either. We moved off our boat after about nine months after a dismasting. After completing the refit we never moved back on until...... I sold the boat and let her pick one. We went to boat shows brokers etc. I told her it had to have a mast on it otherwise it would of been a power boat. She found one she liked not a heavy cruising boat (Morgan Classic 1988) as I would prefer but it became an our boat instead of a my boat. They still do not like to see the maintenance costs but we now have lived aboard for one year and have been married for 6 1/2 years. Make sure to find others of the same culture if you can for social networking. Oh and don't tell her you are going to west marine!

[Pete7]

Been there with previous girlfriend who is now my wife, Viv. I chose a really nice calm sunny day, we went to a restaurant for lunch and a swim in a quiet bay afterwards. Lots of tea and snacks on board. Just the two of us so when she was steering if wasn't sure how to do something it was only infront of me.

We married a year later and I promptly took her out in a F6 for 6 hours across the English Channel in an open boat That was sold and we bought a yacht together. Sold it to her on the basis it had beds, a loo and a cooker which I could cook on.

I narrowed down the choice and she chose April Lass almost as soon as she stepped on board. She added her touch by changing the interior decor with cushions and new curtains to stamp her mark. I can't stand the cutlery she chose but that's a small price to pay for being able to go sailing together.



Pete

[hellosailor]

jm-
"Also, at least according to her, it's illegal for a Taiwanese to own a boat for personal use."
What's that got to do with the price of tea in China? You're not Taiwanese, and you own the boat. Argument totally irrelevant. And if you are in a comunity property state, won't she also be becoming a US citizen? Or dual citizen? Making the argument irrelevant again?

Sounds like she's wanting to CHANGE you not ACCEPT you. Including your odd American extravagant standards, like owning a boat.

I'd be more concerned about someone throwing out illogical arguments and wanting to change me, than about whether she might like sailing. Which is an odd, illogical, dangerous, uncomfortable, expensive (yada yada) waste of time, from the viewpoint of many.

Tell her she'll be marrying a very rich restarauntor, who owns a floating dinner palace. And she'll be vitally needed to make sure the menu is most profitable and the kitchen staff aren't stealing food.

Hey, it's not a LIE, you just need the patrons coming out to the boat to make it true, right? A wife should help her husband make his business grow. Very bad wife to discourage husband from such a profitable business!

[jm21]

She didn't make the argument that it was illegal in Taiwan so I shouldn't do it. I'm just saying that as one of the reasons she isn't used to the idea of boat ownership. Her argument against moorage costs (and related boats) is solely financially based. A boat without moorage is fine with her, but finding a nice trailerable boat on a limited budget is not so easy...

She'll probably remain a Taiwanese citizen...no real benefit from her becoming a USC.