Feeling Uninspired and Disillusioned

[NoTies]

Originally Posted by bamboo

Mostly living aboard during that time.
We have had a couple of cruises, nothing major in all that time.

This sounds like it might be the problem. Do more cruising. A boat is designed to sail and has the added convenience of being able to be lived on (with compromises). Otherwise you might as well enjoy the comfort of a house.

[SkiprJohn]

No matter how exciting your career or life choice starts out to be with repetition it will become matter of fact and at times even boring. When I get that way living here in Paradise I go down to my friend's house and we go through his boat projects, sit and talk and he explains how much he appreciates everything about the US, Hawaii, sailing, owning a house, his large family and tells me about the way it was in Peru without any of those things ever being available.
Changes my mind really quickly and I feel better afterward.
regards,

[maxingout]

Originally Posted by bamboo

I am 43 years old.... I feel like I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I would have liked in all that time. We have had a couple of cruises, nothing major in all that time. Without boring you with all the details, I am just flat out feeling uninspired, sometimes looking back on all the time, energy, and money sacraficed and just feeling like a sucker.

I'm hearing a couple of things in your post. There's perhaps a little bit of "Is that all there is?" in what you are saying. There is also an element of an accountant mentality creeping into your thoughts.

Our culture glorifies extremes of performance as if that is the expected norm. Most of us lead ordinary lives even as we live our dreams. It's easy to add up everything that we have done and feel like it isn't all that much, especially in comparison to other people who took a different path. It's easy for more than a twinge of regret to creep into our thoughts when we consider what we could have been, and could have had if we walked on the road not taken. When you turn on your mental calculator, and your accountant mentality starts working overtime, it's easy to feel like a sucker, shortchanged by life.

I lived overseas for 28 years, and they were the best years of my life so far. But there was a price to be paid for those adventures. Whether it was worth it depends on how you keep score. If money is my measure, then living overseas was a big mistake. If having a great time with my kids sailing around the world is the measure, then I am a genius, and I have riches beyond my wildest dreams.

Your burnout may signify a need to change your scorecard. If you lived your life how you wanted, then your score is very high. Just make sure that your score card has all the good things on it that have happened in the past ten years. Don't just keep track of the blahs and the downtimes.

If your scorecard only has negative things on it, then you have a faulty scorecard, and you need to talk to someone who will help you get things back in perspective and give you a balanced scorecard.

[cburger]

Maybe you are just tired. Its amazing how a good nights rest can effect ones attitude for the better.

[James S]

You know how when you squeeze a fresh glass of orange juice it tastes great....but let it sit a few hours and it stratifies...doesn’t taste so great any more....all the good stuff is still in the glass....maybe you just need to shake and mix it up a little to get the flavor back.
You said this was your first post....perhaps making and sharing with some friends here will help.
Here’s a big (((HUG))) from me.

[Joli]

Maintaining a boat is not fun. Living aboard is not all sundowners and sunny days.

If it's not worth it anymore swallow the anchor, if you miss it you can always buy another boat.

[bloodhunter]

Bamboo,
I think Anjou's point is well taken -- your problem may very well not be boat-related. I think there's one sentence in your post that says it all:
'I feel like I haven't accomplished nearly as much as I would have liked in all that time.'
So what do you want to accomplish? I think you need to sit down with your husband or your friends or by yourself and talk it out. Make a plan -- where do you go from here.
Remember, this plan is not written in letters of fire on marble tablets. It can be changed, discarded, turned upside down or inside out but it will give you a direction and that's a very big thing.
How do I know? Just two years ago my wife and I were discussing a very similar problem. She started an art consulting company 30 years ago. The company is very successful but it no longer made her happy. Most of the work was becoming the same old same old and she was bored and tired. We talked it out and came up with a plan.We made a list of things she felt would be fulfilling and she would work to build up her business to a point where she would sell it for a real nest egg beyond our 401k's and retirement plans. To make a long story short my wife returned to painting -- she originally was a painter before she set up her art business and she does volunteer work at a home for abandoned and abused children where she teaches them entrepreneurship. As for the business, she survived this downturn where many like her did not and and business is picking up again. Finally in three years we will sell or rent our houses get rid of our excess 'stuff' and take out boat down to the Islands and south for extended cruising.
But this is our plan and if there's one thing I've learned when it comes to people one size never ever fits all. Your plan if you make one will probably be very different.
But just making this plan and starting to implement it went a long way to lift her depression -- it gave her and me new purpose. I suspect that it might do the same for you.
In any case, what ever you do Laura and I wish you joy.
Azi

[JackHinks]

I can relate to how you are feeling. We all get there eventually. My old man, when I told him how I was feeling (burnt out, bored, no enthusiasm for life) he said, "Come with me and I'll show ya something." He took me to help with some kids in a school for children with behavioral problems (who had been shipped out of the regular school). I at first sat and watched him tutor them, and then play basketball with them...finally I got involved. These kids had such tough lives. One even said to my Dad, "Is death better than life?". My dad would bring them lunch and stuff. He told me, "I get more out of it than the kids." It altered my view of my life. Without sounding preachy or high-falutin', something similar may be the anti-dote that you need.
Fair Winds...

[Ocean Girl]

I was where you are when I was 29. I had lived aboard for over ten years and it felt...old. I was a bit tired of the boat work, of all the labor it took just to take a shower or do laundry. I was definitely tired of my local surroundings.
So I hopped on land looking for a new adventure. It was an uneasy 8 years as a land lubber. I never slept well and when I did I dreamt of the ocean. People seemed to look at me like I was some oddity because I missed knowing which way the wind was blowing.
So now I am back aboard and loving every second of it. I don't regret my stint on land, it seemed a lesson I needed to learn.
Have you guys thought about getting a RV and cruising on land for a few months? maybe a break is in order, even sailors need vacations.
Erika

[zeehag]

29 and bored??? LOL...aint old enough to be so yet--go back top school and learn something new and go sailing ---OR....
change your life to make yourself happy LOL--always works......LOL....now, if you were feeling stormed out, that is a different story LOL......whatever you DO decide to do, make sure you ENJOY doing it...LOL.,,goooodluck and have fun!!!!!.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Sounds like you are simply in a rut. Don't matter whether folks is chained to a cubicle shuffling paper 24/7 or sitting on a tropical island the same same gets a bit too much same same after a while.

My prescription? yer need to try a few things - what things? Dunno .........but somewhere between cycling up Mount Everest on a Unicycle and having an extra marshmellow in yer cocoa occassionaly


Oh, and a few plans, ideas, goals, hopes.................and of course dreams - not all should be realistic or acheivable nor even worked towards - but important to have 'em all nonetheless, whether in that cubicle or on that Tropical Island (FWIW I got bored of both ).

And finally, always remember - "it's only a boat" A means to an end, not an object of devotion in itself to dedicate your life to. Lots of dirt in the world, I wouldn't write it all off - odds are you simply haven't found the right bit and / or the right things to be doing on it.........for you (and yours).

[Sven]

First of all, you're not alone in this, it happens to a lot of people, you may take some comfort from that.

As others have pointed out earlier, you may just have gotten tired of the stuff you do all year round and need a new goal to get fired up about. But how to find it?

I believe that if you can find something where you can add value, you'll again feel a sense off accomplishment. And feeling accomplished brings happiness.

I've written a blogpost on this subject earlier that goes in to it a bit deeper: http://www.puresven.com/?q=source-hapiness


Good luck!

[Pacific Jewel]

Time for a cool change, sister. Do something - it doesn't have to be major - to remind yourself you're alive. Might I suggest bungy jumping? Skydiving? Repelling into a dark cave 100 meters deep? Worked for me! Hang in there. ;-)

[bamboo]

I wanted to say thank you to all who took the time to respond to my post. I am feeling 100% better. I forget sometimes that everyone gets the blues. Fortunately I don't get down often, so it kind of took me by surprise. And worried me a bit. The weather had been crappy and being away from family during a crisis did not help my rut. Thank you again all for your time.

[Minggat]

Originally Posted by NoTies

This sounds like it might be the problem. Do more cruising. A boat is designed to sail and has the added convenience of being able to be lived on (with compromises). Otherwise you might as well enjoy the comfort of a house.

Yes. From what I read in the original post, it sounds like you're in a marina and you've been there too long. I'd be discouraged too after 13 years. Dropping the docklines sounds like it has been either not a real goal or too elusive. I caught myself saying "in 3 to 5 years I'm going cruising". But every year I failed to chop off a year. when I realized what I had done, I set a date and got out'a Dodge.

Having said that, I sailed off (from So Cal) and put the boat in dry storage (in Mexico) and caught a plane to my next job in Oz. But on the way to Oz, I stopped over in So Cal before it dawned on me that I no longer had a place to stay in So Cal. Duh. I had just sail my home many hundreds of miles south. It's all good.