Cruising with Kids: A Cure for a Disturbing Trend

[David M]

What a wonderful thread. Having a 15 year old boy myself, I could not agree more.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by LuvToSail

There has been a steady change in the behavior of children over the past 20 years that I personally find disturbing and has been a driver for us in making the decision to go cruising.

What has been occurring is that children are becoming increasingly peer orientated at earlier ages. What this means from a parenting perspective is that our children are tending to be looking to there peers for their cues on how to be in the world at quite young ages.

Marketers have picked up on the trend and have descended like a hungry pack of vultures. If you look at advertising that is aimed at pre-adolescents you will see a disturbing trend of sexualization, fashion obsession and even dieting!!

This trend is having horrendous effects on our youth with troubling statistics of increased rates of suicide, eating disorders and early drug and alcohol abuse.

The solution is clear as day and is simply that young children benefit from being with there parents. My belief that the greatest gift a parent can offer a child is his/her time and attention.

There have been many wonderful studies and books written about parent-child attachment that delve into the troubling trend in our society to abandon our children and the effects this abandonment is having.

A study by Patricia Adler and Peter Adler : "Peer Power: Culture and Identity," state that boys gain the positive attention and status from their peers through “Toughness , troublemaking, domination, coolness, and interpersonal bragging and sparring skills." Girls derive status from "success at grooming, clothes, and other appearance-related variables;” and further they argue that romantic success as measured through popularity and going with boys; affluence and its correlates of material possessions and leisure pursuits."

Although the antidote to the loss of parental control and increasing peer control as a result of parents being absent and disconnected from their children’s lives could be accomplished in a number of ways.

It seems to me that cruising as a family is possibly the best solution to the situation of increasing peer attachment and decreasing parental influence and attachment.

Has anyone else considered the power of cruising to create very strong family bonds and strengthen parent-child attachment?

People have be aware of the bad education process for many years. I was a product of public ed. until my eyes opened up in the early 90's. Pink Floyd sang about it back in the 70's.

YouTube - Pink Floyd vs Eric Prydz PROPER EDUCATION Video Mashup Kings

This explains it better then I can.................._/)

YouTube - Dismantle Public Education

[LuvToSail]

re: Dismatle public education

After looking at the "Dismantling Public Education" video I can see that the video supports a thesis that the reason our schools are failing is because the public school system is designed to support the expansion of government (empire building) and further the teacher's union’s input and the union’s own agenda hinders the educational process (more empire building). Additionally those who benefit most from the trend of consumerism (government and the rich) control the educational agenda (even more empire building). Further schools are in general dumbed down to the common denominator (I guess I agree in some cases) not allowing a good percentage of children to reach their potential.

I think the conspiracy theory found in this video is a little over the top and distracting. I have worked in government and I do know that governments do tend to build themselves likely as the combined will of self preservation of departments, individual workers and individual elected officials come together...but any system like a government is not conscious per se and the individual will of the PEOPLE is much stronger IMHO. That is why we DO have options (cruising being one of them) and there are other options for schooling when individuals take ownership and LEADERSHIP for there own families. (This is very much what cruisers have to do on a day to day basis as a matter of survival.)

Our school district has thankfully supported the development of different public school programs in our community that give many choices to the parents; we are in British Columbia, Canada.

Our kids are enrolled in a multiage program that stresses participation, positive support, with very little class room grading or judging. My kids LOVE school and learning as a result of this approach. All the kids in this program are extremely motivated to learn. This type of school (which is public) is the antidote that the “Dismantle Public Education” video suggests… so I guess I would say that parents do have choices… if we want mainstream we can have it…if we want something else we can make that happen…like cruising or pushing for a different school in our own land based back yards.

Our school is 100% in alignment with our family values of attachment parenting and other important family values; for example, one of this year’s schools projects was to take over a parking spot downtown and setup a booth that explained the effects of the current design of our urban landscape to accommodate cars!! They brought in plants and little statues of animals and filled a parking spot up and explained to people passing by how the animals where displaced by the paving over over natural habitat! This is definitely NOT an example of supporting the consumerist agenda!!!!

Our school has a mandatory one day a week homeschooling component. Parents are STRONGLY encouraged to be part of the class too. My wife and I spend roughly (between us) 5 hours a week in the classroom...being part of the class and helping.

I have spoken to my kid's teacher about our cruising plans and she supports us 100%. We will be in communication with the class on a regular basis, reporting on our travels and projects we do while underway! This will provide a learning opportunity for the other kids in the class and keep our kids connected to the class while we are underway.

Leaving the class and our community is hard to do when we have this type of alignment between our values and our educational (and community) environment. But we are still choosing to go! for the vary reason that cruising will allow us as a family to further leverage the connection and values that we have created as a result of our choices so far in our land based life.

[dana-tenacity]

We took ours with us, best thing we ever did for them. No TV, lots of books and most important, lots of time with mum and dad. It's nice that it all dovetails with going cruising so easily.

[2divers]

No way taking our daughter into the same bed with us for a very simple reason.....


she kicks in her sleep.... (hard! especially into kidneys at 2:30 am!)


2divers

[Therapy]

One thing I note is that cruisers are a "different" sort of people and so may well produce a "different" sort of offspring. Ones that have the attributes that have been described above, like thier parents.
Could it be part of the explanation? If so how much of a part?
I have read only a few accounts of kids being of the "yuppie" background and plucked out and placed aboard. Some "change" and some don't.

Just wondering how much is genetics and how much is environment.

[delmarrey]

Originally Posted by Therapy

Just wondering how much is genetics and how much is environment.

Cain and Abel!

Some are just plain selfish (Jealousy) and follow what ever path they like with no regards for anyone else. "An unchecked bent towards evil WILL accelerate".

On a boat one is taught discipline and that is what shapes a youths attitude. Plus, the lack of outside influence. (peer pressure)

[unbusted67]

Originally Posted by LuvToSail

A study by Patricia Adler and Peter Adler : "Peer Power: Culture and Identity," state that boys gain the positive attention and status from their peers through “Toughness , troublemaking, domination, coolness, and interpersonal bragging and sparring skills."

You do indeed rock and I wish this were true but I have anecdotal evidence that says otherwise. In fact when I was in school the one kid who had been cruising his entire life was the one exhibiting these behaviors, in fact he was right along side me smoking pot at age 13. Maybe this could be because he was injected into the school system at such a formative age, but I suspect his parents were sort of snots to begin with. They were just sailing snots.

Another example of someone I know that was a cruising kid (I grew up on an Island and I actually have quite a few friends whose parents went your route) turned out very cool after some really rough teenage years. She is a successful artist. Unfortunately both of her parents were kind of messes and the other two kids in the family didn't turn out too good.

There are crappy parents on land and on the high seas and in either place it is a challenge to have your kids turn out ok. Just love them as much as you can here or there and they will be fine.

[Stillraining]

Originally Posted by unbusted67

There are crappy parents on land and on the high seas and in either place it is a challenge to have your kids turn out ok. Just love them as much as you can here or there and they will be fine.

Hard to improve on that comment Unbusted.

Genetics..

They are all so different as well...hard to see many likenesses in my three....other then they can be angles or brats depending on which side of the bed they woke up on..................kind of like their dad...

I love them dearly and am very proud of them.. like most parents would lay down my life for them ...some days I would just have to think about it longer then others is all...

[Chief Engineer]

A big problem that is seen in education are the heliocopter parents.......

They just think that their little Chelsea or Bradley can't do anything wrong

I have a couple customers who are teachers and they go out of their minds at Parent Teacher Conference time.

As an aside...what is with all the allergies that kids have today?

In my youth there were allergies to poison ivy, stings ....I never knew a kid who had a food allergy....I went thru 13 Years of Parochial Education and 5 years of College...the only food allergy that was ever discussed was strawberrys.

I think it is due to the fact that kids are raised in TOO CLEAN an environment.....

They don't play in the woods, build forts or make mud pies anymore.

[clausont]

I think you are right, on the allergies, Chief - with all of our five kids, there are no allergies at all. But perhaps it helps that we let them play in the woods around our home, they have animals (cats, chickens, rabbits), they get to play in the dirt (often literally covered from head to toe in mud!) when they want to.

[Stillraining]

Nope nothing to do with it...our 3 have been around, in, on and covered in dirt, mud, hay, leaves and horse poop since they were 1, 3 & 5...the youngest seems to have developed an allergy to horse dander..Just started in the last couple years..oldest one has a reaction to whatever's in Dyna-tab cough suppressant..another is lactose intolerant..I nor my wife have any allergies that I know of..I might have some challenge with caffeine I get dry patches on my face if I consume much of it.

[clausont]

From the sound of it, Stillraining, your kids should be as immune to allergies as anybody if it held true about the too clean thought. Apparently, it does not always (or ever?) hold true. Sorry to hear about the allergies they have developed. That would not be fun for them. Hopefully, they will be able to outgrow the allergies or they will some how clear up. It is a sure thing that if the "experts" don't know the true answers - I surely don't

A bit of a different subject - we are planning on taking our Ingrid up the coast to Puget Sound (Port Townsend) next spring - maybe around April or so. Perhaps we will run into you guys up there?

[maxingout]

We took our kids with us on our circumnavigation, and they regard it as the high point of their lives. No TV, no cell phones, no troublesome peer pressures, and lots of positive adventures. Our kids are still our best friends.

If I had to do it over again, I would do the same thing. No regrets.

The amount of mental toxic waste in the twenty-first century is enormous. Mind pollution from the media is at record levels. I regard television as a weapon of mass destruction, and most children watch it 5 hours a day. Children listen to the parents for minutes each day, and watch television and the media non-stop for hours every day. It's no wonder that kids go adrift and have more than a little confusion in their mind.

[LuvToSail]

Originally Posted by maxingout

The amount of mental toxic waste in the twenty-first century is enormous. Mind pollution from the media is at record levels. I regard television as a weapon of mass destruction, and most children watch it 5 hours a day. Children listen to the parents for minutes each day, and watch television and the media non-stop for hours every day.

Maxing..cool analogy on the mental toxic waste..i will remember that. Thanks for sharing the story of your family.

I really hope that our cruising experience will be something a) bonding and b) that provides a life time of great memories.

I am putting a lot of effort and $$$ in order to get us out (although I enjoy the process of preparing)

Sometimes I worry about little details like keeping the water on the outside. The more experience I get, the less I freak out out things like a leaking bellows on a dripless ( I walked into our boat on the lake to find 8" of water on the cabin floor and the floor boards floating.) It all turned out fine...but at those times like that I ask my self ...why do I do this!!!