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Old 25-12-2009, 19:29   #61
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Originally Posted by Stillraining View Post

We all have to work with the hand were delt..its easy to win with a good hand..but takes some practic to consistantly win with a poor one...

Agreed!
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Old 25-12-2009, 21:23   #62
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The important point in this whole discussion is that parents spend quality time with their kids.
Our whole marina emphasis is based around kids as they are our future customers. We installed a heated pool so mothers have as much fun as their kids, installed free wi-fi to get the kids out of the mall and out to the marina, free monthly pot luck parties where we furnish hamburgers, hotdogs & all the ice cream & slushies they can eat, chili cookoffs, movie nights, built floating cottages for people that want to check out the marina life but don't have a boat yet.

If you can cruise & live aboard with your kids I think it's great. Other boaters can still have a great family experience with their kids by choosing a marina that promotes that lifestyle.
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Old 25-12-2009, 22:43   #63
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Peer Pressure and all that mumbo jumbo is nothing new

The biggest problem with kids today are the parents that are raising them.

In the schools, you have heliocopter parents or absentee parents.

Cruising Parenting and Homeschooling have their pitfalls too. That is socialization with kids their own age. The parents are fulfilling THEIR agenda in some cases.

Those are the extremes.

I am grateful for the parochial education I received...I found I was much better prepared for college than most.

The Christian Brothers School I went to, one English teacher made us memorize this..........................I won't go into how he tested us.

Edgar Guest

My son, beware of “good enough,”
It isn’t made of sterling stuff;
It’s something any man can do,
It marks the many from the few,
It has no merit to the eye,
It’s something any man can buy,
Its name is but a sham and bluff,
For it is never “good enough.”
With “good enough” the shirkers stop
In every factory and shop;
With “good enough” the failures rest
And lose to men who give their best;
With “good enough” the car breaks down
And men fall short of high renown.
My son, remember and be wise,
In “good enough” disaster lies.
With “good enough” have ships been wrecked,
The forward march of armies checked,
Great buildings burned and fortunes lost;
Nor can the world compute the cost
In life and money it has paid
Because at “good enough” men stayed.
Who stops at “good enough” shall find
Success has left him far behind.
There is no “good enough” that’s short
Of what you can do and you ought.
The flaw which may escape the eye
And temporarily get by,
Shall weaken underneath the strain
And wreck the ship or car or train,
For this is true of men and stuff—
Only the best is “good enough.”

If pore people took this to heart...we might not be in the shape we are in.

"Attention all hands...the ranting lamp has been extinguished"
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Old 26-12-2009, 01:22   #64
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Hey Chief - Amen to that. To my ears that wasn't ranting but the healthy presentation of wisdom.

BTW, Edgar Guest is a wonderful Bard
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Old 26-12-2009, 02:24   #65
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I hope I haven't come across that homeschooling is the apex of education....I have mixed feeling of rather we did the right thing....at the time it was clear now not so much....our kids are praised by others as well behaved , positive, self confidant and a pleasure to be around...but never for how intelligent they are...Neither i or my wife were stellar students and most likely could have benefited from a home school atmosphere ourselves...rather our children would have done better in regular school we will never know.

You do the best you can as a parent in the moment..decitions made are what they are.
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Old 26-12-2009, 12:03   #66
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillraining View Post
I hope I haven't come across that homeschooling is the apex of education....I have mixed feeling of rather we did the right thing....at the time it was clear now not so much....our kids are praised by others as well behaved , positive, self confidant and a pleasure to be around...but never for how intelligent they are...Neither i or my wife were stellar students and most likely could have benefited from a home school atmosphere ourselves...rather our children would have done better in regular school we will never know.

You do the best you can as a parent in the moment..decitions made are what they are.
Amen.


Quote:
Edgar Guest

My son, beware of “good enough,”
Chief,
I am going to print that right now.
Thanks.
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Old 26-12-2009, 19:40   #67
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Originally Posted by LuvToSail View Post

Although the antidote to the loss of parental control and increasing peer control as a result of parents being absent and disconnected from their children’s lives could be accomplished in a number of ways.

It seems to me that cruising as a family is possibly the best solution to the situation of increasing peer attachment and decreasing parental influence and attachment.

Has anyone else considered the power of cruising to create very strong family bonds and strengthen parent-child attachment?
I will relate only to the above part of your original post.

In my eyes, to some extent, you have self-answered your question when you used word 'control'. So, if what you are aiming at is controlling your children, then cruising is one of the many ways to achieve this goal. But in my opinion, it is more important to support a lot than to control a lot. I do not have children, but I was a child, and I can remember many times when I was perfectly controlled, and many times when I was not sufficiently supported. I think the latter cases formed me more. Probably though, not all children are the same.

I do not think cruising may fix up a dysfunctional family, and in any other case, the stronger bonds can be created without cruising if they can be created by cruising. Cruising is the father's / mother's fancy that does not call for justifying with the child's good. Because we do not know what is good for any particular child. Mayby staying ashore is good for some children, going cruising with parents for others?

I have met dozens of cruising families. I think most of the young ones loved the boat life. I think many of teenagers hated their parents, probably because of constant change of place and constant losing touch with their friends.

We have to see the whole picture perhaps - and this includes the fact that by going cruising with our children we give them something and we deprive them of something. And it is the parents, not the children, who make the decision. So it is essential to make the decision guided by the child's good, not by the parents' whim, or passion.

b.
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Old 26-12-2009, 20:35   #68
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To Paraphrase Mark Twain.

When I was 16 my parents were the stupidest people in the world
Now That I am 21 I can see thay they have learned quite a bit in the last 5 years.
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Old 26-12-2009, 20:36   #69
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Sorry, it should have read....If MORE people took this to heart...we might not be in the shape we are in.
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Old 26-12-2009, 22:07   #70
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Barnakiel,

Good point on the use of the word control.

Personally we try to create an environment where our children choose to follow our lead (the the mother duck leading her little chicks) ... although with fear, yelling and threats you can try control kids...it doesn't work that well and tends to create a distance between the parents and the kids.

Although I used the word control, my intention is (and what we try to accomplish with our parenting) to nurture a strong bond with the kids...although I am not always perfect I must admit.

My question was about whether people have chosen to cruise with young kids in order to create a strong connection to parent from, and how that worked out.
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Old 27-12-2009, 10:31   #71
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Huh.

I believe spending much time with anybody (as the case is on an extended cruise) will create very strong interactions between the members of the group (family). This is probably because most of us (but not all) are not cut to live alone (man as a social creature). And children may be especially so (social) as they are at the stage of life, where their picture of self is becoming fixed - and a lot so in relations with the environment (parents, but first of all - peers).

The modern trends in child psychology have it that it is the relationship with the peer group that counts. In other words, if we subscribe to the newer theories/research, we deprive our children of the most important ego-forming reference, if we take them cruising at this age. Harm is done. Then again, do we have to trust all new theories? The global warming was a REAL thing until it turned out some Brits were faking the data to keep their otherwise useless academic posts. ;-)))

My other observation is that if you insist on creating a strong bond then it is because you see a strong bond as something valuable. But perhaps, if you think about your children's good, you should put aside your own cravings and think about how, and if, such a bond is of value to your children?

It is my observation that most parents insist on control and strong bonds only because of their selfish goals (e.g. expecting the children to provide them with support in old age). This is the way with more primitive societies, but I think in the modern world many young people feel oppressed by such expectations. We do not live 40 years like the Triobriands, we live till 80 or beyond and perhaps we should look for new social solutions to our new challenges.

Life without control and bonds is very hard to imagine. Probably it would all end up in some sort of bloody anarchy. At the other end of the spectrum, too much control and bonds is tirany. We can try for a happy in-between.

So this is my two cents. I am aware I went off-original-thread-topic here and I apologise for this. It may be that in my head there is no simple answer to your apparently simple question. Probably another side-effect of extended cruising. Beware ;-)

Regards,
barnie
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Old 27-12-2009, 10:44   #72
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Any activity that takes kids away from the comercial and material world and helps them focus on reality has to be a good thing. It instills the basic social skills and will be the foundation for adult life.
Well, this depends on what we consider the 'reality' to be. I would think reality is what there is, not what we would like there to be.

So any removing kids from the material world makes it more difficult for them to cope with it. 'Basic social skills' are not the foundation of adult life anymore, the ability to take on a huge mortgage is.

Unless we want our children to grow up with the ONLY option - of being cruisers (and more likely cruisers without boats).

We had our choices; raise your kids so that they have many options and make their own choices.

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Old 27-12-2009, 10:57   #73
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I heard of a study that was done many,many years ago were they filmed an elementary school play ground that was fenced.....a large number of the kids played at the boundary...the fence.
Then they removed the fence.....the majority of the kids played then played near the center of the play ground.
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Old 28-12-2009, 00:47   #74
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Hey James,

The kids moved to where they felt safest. With the fence up they could safely play at the "margins" but with the fence down they moved towards what was most familiar. Adults do the same thing in a variety of ways.

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Old 28-12-2009, 08:07   #75
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Hey John
It was an interesting result.
I figure more of them would have bolted!
Merry Christmas
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