Caribbean Bound In June, But Wife With Cold Feet

[drakes]

Her Boyfriend probably has a Harley

just kidding ... maybe .....

been through a divorce .... sudden massive flip-flops are not a good sign .....

listen to the other marriage counselors on here cause i sure as heckg don't qualify

listen to your heart

decision time. good luck

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by weavis

This is not really about going sailing. I agree there are some potential issues in the sailing timing and distances, but they pale into insignificance compared to the real issue.
[edit]
I have no answers for you. Deal with your marriage issues first. THAT IS THE PROBLEM. Put the sailing on hold till you are sorted.

You can sail locally for a while. Hopefully if you go for the ultimate solution you can keep the boat... Live on it..

"Hopefully, if you go for the ultimate solution you can keep the boat."

IMHO that's terrible advice to suggest getting a divorce, loosing the kids, then being able to "keep the boat."

Forget about the boat.

We sold our second boat thirty years ago, so that we could raise our family and spend time with our extended family and land-based friends, now here we are still married (and cruising) after 38 years of marriage.

The OP's marriage is not "THE PROBLEM," however, his unwillingness to reach a compromise with his wife is a significant issue. A successful marriage is all about compromise and understanding the other person's needs and concerns.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

"Hopefully, if you go for the ultimate solution you can keep the boat."

IMHO that's terrible advice to suggest getting a divorce, loosing the kids, then being able to "keep the boat."

We sold our second boat thirty years ago, so that we could raise our family and spend time with our extended family and land-based friends, now here we are still married (and cruising) after 38 years of marriage.

The OP's marriage is not "THE PROBLEM," his unwillingness to reach a compromise with his wife is a significant issue. A successful marriage is all about compromise and understanding the other person's needs and concerns.

It was not advice to get a divorce. It was advice that in the event of the ultimate decision, that he keep the boat...

I did say this was not about sailing... this is about his marital issues...
He needs to sort them out...

[tp12]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

"Hopefully, if you go for the ultimate solution you can keep the boat."

IMHO that's terrible advice to suggest getting a divorce, loosing the kids, then being able to "keep the boat."

Forget about the boat.

We sold our second boat thirty years ago, so that we could raise our family and spend time with our extended family and land-based friends, now here we are still married (and cruising) after 38 years of marriage.

The OP's marriage is not "THE PROBLEM," however, his unwillingness to reach a compromise with his wife is a significant issue. A successful marriage is all about compromise and understanding the other person's needs and concerns.

Willingness to compromise is the responsibility of both people in the relationship; not just the OP's. They haven't had the in depth and real conversation that they need to, yet, to say whether one or the other isn't willing to compromise. If anything, the information supplied tends towards the OP's wife being unwilling to have that discussion.

Time will surface the truth of the situation.

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by tp12

Willingness to compromise is the responsibility of both people in the relationship; not just the OP's. They haven't had the in depth and real conversation that they need to, yet, to say whether one or the other isn't willing to compromise. If anything, the information supplied tends towards the OP's wife being unwilling to have that discussion.

Time will surface the truth of the situation.

I don't envision his wife compromising on sailing into the hurricane zone with two small children for several months aboard a forty one foot sailboat. That's mother's instict kicking in to protect herself and the kids... common sense too.

[tp12]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

I don't envision his wife compromising on sailing into the hurricane zone with two small children for several months aboard a forty one foot sailboat. That's mother's instict kicking in to protect herself and the kids... common sense too.

Sure, so that's one thing to discuss. But, as the OP has already said, he doesn't currently know what her issues are so ... until that conversation happens, if it happens, we're all just guessing. He needs to have that chat.

To the OP, good luck mate.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

I don't envision his wife compromising on sailing into the hurricane zone with two small children for several months aboard a forty one foot sailboat. That's mother's instict kicking in to protect herself and the kids... common sense too.

Ken.
No where do I see the issue is the season. That is a post reflected statement from CF members to the OP. For this reason, your comment above is not part of the problem and therefore is invalid and has no bearing on this discussion for her refusal to go.

What I do know.... is that he is not going. WHATEVER the problem is...

[Cormorant]

Try for a shorter trip first. My wife was terrified of crossing the Gulf Stream to the Bahamas, but ultimately she decided that the experience of cruising with our kids was worth it. We only got two months in the Exumas, but it remains a high point of our family life, frequently recalled with fondness and longing.

So even two weeks in Bimini might be a "baby steps" trip to get your wife used to the boat, to cruising, etc. And with luck you can build from there.

Edit to add: If you live in the northeast and schedule your Bahamas trip for January or February, the glory of Bahamian sun while back home all is snow and ice . . . it makes a very convincing case.

[robert sailor]

I tend to agree, the sailing season is not the issue. There are obvious signs of relationship problems. These sorts of things don't happen in good relationships, last minute change of plans by ones partner without an ongoing discussion, not normal at all. In good relationships things don't just sneak up on you.

[weavis]

To the O.P.

Your not going and the disappointment is palpable.

Put the sailing to one side, take note from the experienced sailors in the area as to the timing of your (now not) venture and go and try and sort out your marital issues.

I wish you luck and hope. Thanks for sharing and with the passage of time let us know how things work out..

[Kenomac]

Originally Posted by weavis

Ken.
No where do I see the issue is the season. That is a post reflected statement from CF members to the OP. For this reason, your comment above is not part of the problem and therefore is invalid and has no bearing on this discussion for her refusal to go.

What I do know.... is that he is not going. WHATEVER the problem is...

Personally, I wouldn't sail down from NJ to Grenada during the hurricane season with two small children and the OP either. For safety reasons. Neither would my wife.

I think the point is valid, as do many other CF members.

[weavis]

Originally Posted by Kenomac

Personally, I wouldn't sail down from NJ to Grenada during the hurricane season with two small children and the OP either. For safety reasons. Neither would my wife.

I think the point is valid, as do many other CF members.

Ken
Please read what has been written.

This was not the issue for the wife. You make huge assumptions in stating this is her problem with the trip. NO WHERE DOES SHE MENTION THE SEASON.

I dont disagree with the seasonal timing... I disagree with the premise that it part of the refusal.

For this reason, your comment is not valid.

[inchcailloch]

I had the same "problem" 5 years ago. For us it was a compromise, I do the "long" sails rom UK, and my wife joined me for the various places, Portugal, Gibraltar, Morocco then the islands in the Canaries, Caribbean etc where the islands are rarely more than a 24 hours sail. Some of our happiest times!

[Mithril Bham]

Doesn't sound good but I have a couple of thoughts:
Charter a boat in the BVI for a week and see how she likes it. Would suggest going JAN thru May. June will probably be OK but more likely to have no wind or squalls.
Get a crew to sail the boat down to the Carib and fly the wife and kids down to see how they like it. She might like it more that she thinks. The BVI is very safe and kids float there.

[marlinmike]

I certainly feel for you, I think scaling back like others have suggested is a good advice. Maybe just do a Bahama trip and slip in a T&C, June to August.