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Old 01-06-2010, 23:07   #106
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I completely agree.

It becomes more awkward for me when someone I don't know or just met applies the term to me. It's the same as when someone has questions about gear on our boat and they ask Carol (my husband) instead of me when we are both standing there. I understand why they do it, because on average more men in couples know about the gear specs than the women, but it still rankles.
I haven't met any women yet who fit the title "Type A" personalities. i'm sure they exist but ... I helped a neighbor at go to the pump out recently. He's a nice guy and Im not telling this to suggest otherwise but ,,,
we pull up to the dock, get situated and he grabs the nossel. The young man running the station gives him some instructions, politely i might add, and the fellow says, "Oh, don't worry, I know all about it, believe me", very emphatically. He proceeds to give himself a good spraying because he really didn't know all abut it, it seems.
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Old 02-06-2010, 04:20   #107
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I completely agree.

It becomes more awkward for me when someone I don't know or just met applies the term to me.
I would never use such a term to someone I have just met. Such familiarity should only be between people who know each other very well. I have a friend who I sometimes refer to as "big nose". He calls me fatso (I'm slimmer than him) or "ugly f*****r", but if anyone else tried it they would likely get punched. Being able to laughingly insult each other is a sign of intimacy and friendship. Only the closest get to do it.
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Old 02-06-2010, 06:56   #108
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It becomes more awkward for me when someone I don't know or just met applies the term to me.
Spare a thought for those of us who are appallingly bad at remembering names and faces

My coping default is never to use a name (even when I do actually know it) and I manage to live my life with 90% of the time never needing to refer to anyone by name.

For the other 10% there is "Boss", "Chief" and........."Luv" I can see circumstances for me using "Admiral" (in a light hearted way) to refer to someones "Partner" (yuck, am awful term ).........especially when I have already been introduced by name. 10 times. and have still forgotten who he / she is and / or I am not sure of their relationship (Wife? / Girlfriend? / Partner? / Hooker?) so can't use that term instead.

In the workplace I use yellow stickies. and floor plans. A real b#gger when folks move around though

Of course if I use a term someone does not react well to then I desist. If they react Diva style then that would be very easily acheived - on a "life is too short to bother with" basis No doubt mutually

FWIW I once lived with a woman for around 3 months - that relationship ended around about the time she discovered I didn't know her name . Women are funny like that "Boss" worked well in the interim In my defence it is socially awkward after a surprisingly short while to ask someone's name (again. or yet again). Nothing really "good" timing wise after a day or 2. or night And she was very foreign in a very foreign country with a cow of a name to pronounce let alone remember . and I had been drinking
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Old 02-06-2010, 07:32   #109
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A sense of humor and humility is 90% of happiness. And cruisers normally have a good sense of humor especially after a few days at sea in a gale or two. You can either laugh or cry and laughing is more fun. Nicknames are generally earned when the parents have inflicted unpronounceable first names to their kids in the effort to "be unique." "Better half", "Significant Other," "Admiral," "Winch wench," or "Cabana Boy" to me connote a level of affection and comfortableness between the couple.
- - What was it Bill Cosby said in one of his routines that for the first 5 years of his life he thought his name was "Jesus." By the time you have earned the life of a full time cruiser you should have left all that land-based "P.C." language baggage behind. If you brought it with you - you probably cannot relax mentally so why are you cruising? You cannot be enjoying the experience.
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Old 02-06-2010, 07:35   #110
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Originally Posted by Livia View Post
I completely agree.

It becomes more awkward for me when someone I don't know or just met applies the term to me. It's the same as when someone has questions about gear on our boat and they ask Carol (my husband) instead of me when we are both standing there. I understand why they do it, because on average more men in couples know about the gear specs than the women, but it still rankles.
Oh most defininetly! One should not make referrence to others (at least not in front of them or their spouse) in terms they might be offended by. Daddy raised me right in that you show respect to all (otherwise a "pop in the chops"). Unfortunately, some still defer to an "old School" upbringing still. I think this happens unconsciously 99% of the time. This man-man/woman-woman polarization seems to happen naturally as people interact (not necessarily directly questioned). Men are guilty of it, but so are women. I think that's something that would have to be trained out.
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Old 02-06-2010, 07:36   #111
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Spare a thought for those of us who are appallingly bad at remembering names and faces
Hey!! Who's that strange guy??? And what's he doing in my mirror????!!???!

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Old 02-06-2010, 07:42   #112
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I think an appointment with the neurologist is in order....
Or is it the psyciatrist?
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Old 02-06-2010, 09:56   #113
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I completely agree.

It becomes more awkward for me when someone I don't know or just met applies the term to me.
Ding Ding! If you don't know their name, or forgot, "I'm SO SORRY but your name just flew right out of my head!" accompanied by an embarassed smile will get you miles farther than picking a nickname without knowing what they would prefer to be called.

It's also bad when the husband/partner/whatever only uses it when he's talking to the Guys (or other Gals - hey guys, talking disrespectfully about your wife is NOT a good pickup technique!) or when she isn't around to hear ... even though he knows it's something she finds disrespectful. Mama probably told you at some point, "If you wouldn't say it to their face..."
I think this happens because there is a perception that it is 'expected', but it's not OK to disrespect someone behind their back either.
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Old 02-06-2010, 17:01   #114
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I get reliable reports from women in the "ladies nite out" of cruising wives/partners that they use the exact same language references for their men as you are complaining about men doing. Fair is fair.
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Old 02-06-2010, 19:53   #115
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we do not have a captain on our boat - we have an admiral and boat driver/bag carrier - we have a lot of fun with it - but in reality we are a team and unless you get there you will not get to where the real fun is - we have seen a lot of men you insist on doing everything themselves and a lot of women who want to be along for the ride only and not do to much work -
i have had men ask me if my admiral takes them helm and they get this stupid stare from me and something like - of course doesn't yours and that ends the conversation - we make a lot of joint decisions from where to anchor to where to sail to next to when to pull anchor to how to avoid storm cells to you name it
but if push comes to shove and we split on a decision i make the decision and tell her why and we move on -- as she trusts me to make the sane safe decision and not take risks -
and the admiral is really in charge when provisioning and buying stuff for the boat - when i say do we really need that i get a look that only an admiral can give and just put the stuff in my back pack and be the bag carrier i am

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