Admiral?

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by jgbrown

Yup. As per my post you quoted, I find the debate interesting, though I've never referred to a partner as admiral myself, and I provided my understanding of the reasoning behind the term.
Seems to me there's often enough not listening on both sides to go around


Re: owner of a boat being male or female, it is certainly possible, less common however. I still think it's a generational thing to get so fussed about it If a couple tells me the woman owns the boat I'm working on, or is in charge of the decisions required, regardless of who initially contracted us, then she gets the questions about what they want done, and the bill. As always both genders get an equal explanation and any questions they have for me answered.



As for myself, I'd love to have a friend with a boat who wanted to fix their toilet, engine, rigging, do the bottom work, provisioning and pay the moorage.

Don't care about their gender, can be male, female or in transition to points between the two. I'd just love to go sailing.

I want 50/50.I'm not willing to give up the saiing and just be the 'maintenance man' (pardon the pun).

[jgbrown]

Originally Posted by Rakuflames

I want 50/50.I'm not willing to give up the saiing and just be the 'maintenance man' (pardon the pun).

Lol. I'd be happy with 50/50, but if someone wants to take me sailing only, I'd be equally happy to not work on the boat!

The past year I have worked over 3700 hours fixing boats(average week of 75 hours) and have spent a combined time under sail and power of about 2 hours...

[eyschulman]

No secret gender issues get intensified on a boat not as much opportunity to get some distance. Same sort of thing happens with retirement when a couple find they actually have to deal with each other full time one of the reasons I go day sailing and my wife goes to the barn. When we go summer cruising we loose the distance and the space it affords. I think the Admiral thing comes from the same place she who must be obeyed derives. I don't see any point in getting in a snit over it. Give a little take a little and things will work out.

[BettyBSailin]

Originally Posted by Krogensailor

So is it that cute little sailor girl avatar, falling from who knows where, with her legs all akimbo that need this question answered? Smiling

What can I say? I love me a cute pinup girl, 'specially when it's a cute little sailor girl!

I'm a newbie to sailing, and particularly to cruising. So, learning all of the terms makes my head reel, but trying to understand the social references to terms is just plain crazymaking!

I do have a strong leaning towards feminism, but not to the extent that is alienating and discriminating against men. I ask to be taken for MY worth, not a perceived worth based on my gender. After all, short of brute strength, I can do just about anything my love can, and some things better--but not all.

And what makes sense to me, in my newbie world, is that whoever is at helm is in charge and chooses when to defer to someone else on the boat. No titles needed for that.

I probably wouldn't correct someone if they called me Admiral, but I probably wouldn't like it either. But intent means a lot. Is it meant in a respectful, light-hearted, kind way? If so, I'd appreciate the implied compliment.

[Greggegner]

Interesting thread, but some are too serious...

Captain/Admiral relationship....we have a saying "if momma ain't happy know one is happy"...momma=admiral. All non-immediate decisions are cleared through the Admiral or as some call her management. This pecking order has kept me from getting into trouble many times, like when I want to buy the canon for the boat...what trouble could I get into?

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by jgbrown

Lol. I'd be happy with 50/50, but if someone wants to take me sailing only, I'd be equally happy to not work on the boat!

The past year I have worked over 3700 hours fixing boats(average week of 75 hours) and have spent a combined time under sail and power of about 2 hours...

That's over 460 8-hour days, so you must be doing this for a living. If you're being paid a decent wage turn some of that business down.

I'm no expert but I do believe that that ratio of work to sailing will not lead to happiness.

The guy who works on my boat is very dependable, but a couple of times he has called me and said, "Everybody's free (wife and two young teen kids, and the weather's great. We're going sailing, and I'll se you tomorrow."

I applaud it. They get precious little time to sail together and they all love it. It would be a sailor's dream family.

[Alaska JD]

For us things on the boat are pretty much as on land. For safety we both are competent to do all things but drift towards doing those thing we enjoy or do better. My wife enjoys/does structure better than I so she is more into overall planning etc. Together we make decisions about safety related to the plan and I execute what's been decided. In a general sense the term "admiral" fits. I use it with love and deference and she knows it and enjoys it and when we have female guests on board they join the admiralty committee. The guys joint the captains club. Though nothing really is different on land we never use those terms there

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by BettyBSailin

What can I say? I love me a cute pinup girl, 'specially when it's a cute little sailor girl!

I'm a newbie to sailing, and particularly to cruising. So, learning all of the terms makes my head reel, but trying to understand the social references to terms is just plain crazymaking!

I do have a strong leaning towards feminism, but not to the extent that is alienating and discriminating against men. I ask to be taken for MY worth, not a perceived worth based on my gender. After all, short of brute strength, I can do just about anything my love can, and some things better--but not all.

And what makes sense to me, in my newbie world, is that whoever is at helm is in charge and chooses when to defer to someone else on the boat. No titles needed for that.

I probably wouldn't correct someone if they called me Admiral, but I probably wouldn't like it either. But intent means a lot. Is it meant in a respectful, light-hearted, kind way? If so, I'd appreciate the implied compliment.

That's right, it's all about intent. However, don't overlook the use of simple machines when you need more brute strength than your body can deliver by itself. I've described how I use snatch blocks to lead the rode back to the cockpit. Then I can safely drive over the anchor to break it free if need be.

MOST of the time I can pull it up manually, but using the blocks is an easy "Plan B."

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by eyschulman

No secret gender issues get intensified on a boat not as much opportunity to get some distance. Same sort of thing happens with retirement when a couple find they actually have to deal with each other full time one of the reasons I go day sailing and my wife goes to the barn. When we go summer cruising we loose the distance and the space it affords. I think the Admiral thing comes from the same place she who must be obeyed derives. I don't see any point in getting in a snit over it. Give a little take a little and things will work out.

I don't think anyone suggested "getting in a snit" overboard. I did suggest wrapping an anchor rode around someone's anchor and pitching him over last night, but that was all in good fun

It isn't time to get in a snit. It IS time to have a serious talk about treating each other with respect. No one should turn one's spouse into a moving target, but getting mad is actually more tolerable than snide put downs that one part of the marriage wants to pretend is funny.

Marriage is hard work and snide comments make it harder.

[Hudson Force]

Since we've been married for 43 years and living aboard a sailboat for 42 years, a habit has developed of addressing each other and introducing ourselves to others by our first names. .......ah, but then I see I used the "Capt" title in my avatar. I will admit to some pride in gaining my Ocean Operator's license in '78, but Nancie never calls me "Captain". Hmm.......'come to think of it, she has called me some names over the years. I think what saves me is that short poem from William Butler Yeats,-

To keep a marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
When you're wrong admit it
When you're right shut up!

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by CaptForce

Since we've been married for 43 years and living aboard a sailboat for 42 years, a habit has developed of addressing each other and introducing ourselves to others by our first names. .......ah, but then I see I used the "Capt" title in my avatar. I will admit to some pride in gaining my Ocean Operator's license in '78, but Nancie never calls me "Captain". Hmm.......'come to think of it, she has called me some names over the years. I think what saves me is that short poem from William Butler Yeats,-

To keep a marriage brimming
With love in the loving cup
When you're wrong admit it
When you're right shut up!

yes, "Capt" is in your screen name but you've never come across as arrogant. I know some people who bristle at people who make the distinction between captain and skipper, but the truth is that I've never known a sailor with captain's license who was a complete idiot. No one is perfect and no one knows everything, but my *personal* experience is that people with that captain's license know some things. In other words, I have seen non-captians who don't like it when someone calls themselves "captain," but I always imgagine green font.



I'm skipper of my boat but in no way am I a "captain."

[Cheechako]

Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass

Plain patronising.
Haven't come across a woman yet who likes the term.
No idea why men here persist in using it .

Simply because when it comes right down to it, the Admiral really drives what is going to happen; where your are going, when you are going to town, if the boat you're looking at has a nice "bedroom" etc. Sure you can ignore the Admiral's wishes... but it aint gonna work out well in the end. I dont think there is any patronizing about it, It's an admission of submission to her wishes...

[deepblueln]

Originally Posted by Cheechako

Simply because when it comes right down to it, the Admiral really drives what is going to happen; where your are going, when you are going to town, if the boat you're looking at has a nice "bedroom" etc. Sure you can ignore the Admiral's wishes... but it aint gonna work out well in the end. I dont think there is any patronizing about it, It's an admission of submission to her wishes...

Are you still going to submit to her wishes when it is re: where/when/how to anchor; whether after a long passage you ride out one more night in the open, or attempt the narrow inlet in the dark; when a storm blows up and a decision has to be made whether to reef or not .... the fact that you put BEDROOM in quotes makes it seem like you regard her as a difficult and clueless passenger to be placated - not someone who carries a full stake and decision-making responsibility.

I think the point made earlier, that it's a generational issue, is probably accurate. I've never heard this kind of thing from someone my age, and men my age are not the ones who speak and act disrespectfully toward me. That has only come from the older fellows, and from that demographic it's not been rare.

[David_Old_Jersey]

One of the things I have had reinforced on this thread (by some) is the expectation that men are / should be psychic.


and that likely the term Admiral comes from the fact that many (in some cultures more than others) like to use the term Captain (also as a rank ) in the company of others........and simply needed a term to make sure the wife did not feel left out or inferior. Admiral sounds better than Cook and Deckhand.

[rtbates]

To simply show who's REALLY the boss.