Admiral?

[windchime]

I think it depends on the women. I like to be called by my first name. I see other women light up when called admiral!

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by Rakuflames

Sure. It's all about how it comes across to the person being called Admiral. If the woman doesn't mind or likes it, no problem. If she says "I hate it when you call me admiral," the man communicates a great deal by whether he keeps using it or not.

I have spent a couple of days considering my response to this and your previous post to one of my replies. I agree that sometimes (maybe many times) a woman doing the same job, hobby, interest (you name it) in a primarily male oriented job/activity is initially looked down on by not only men but women too (in my experience).

It has been my experience that to get upset and carried away by it only makes it worse. I have found that quietly continuing on has gotten me further and earned me the respect of the naysayers and critics. It is not an easy thing to do and you have to have a great sense of humor, as well as, a thick skin -- there are idiots everywhere you just have to ignore them.

So this whole thing about 'admiral' -- the OP just wanted a definition. All of us women got up in arms thinking it was an offensive term. But, conversely, the men thought that it imparted respect and a measure of inclusiveness for wives that are not (primarily) sailing oriented. I have to say, that when I have read posts from men that referenced their wife as 'the admiral' on CF it has never been meant in disrespect (at least as I read it). I also believe that if one of us women was not referred to as we would like, that the guys here would quickly comply if we told them our preference.

Robyn

[Gadagirl]

Originally Posted by SmartMove

So this whole thing about 'admiral' -- the OP just wanted a definition. All of us women got up in arms thinking it was an offensive term. But, conversely, the men thought that it imparted respect and a measure of inclusiveness for wives that are not (primarily) sailing oriented. I have to say, that when I have read posts from men that referenced their wife as 'the admiral' on CF it has never been meant in disrespect (at least as I read it). I also believe that if one of us women was not referred to as we would like, that the guys here would quickly comply if we told them our preference.

Robyn

What she said. It's all in the intent and delivery. All I ask is if they say it, they say it like they mean it.

I also don't mind being called sweetie or honey as long as it's because you haven't forgotten my real name. So many bigger dragons to slay than to get so hung up on this one word.

[SmartMove]

Originally Posted by Gadagirl

What she said. It's all in the intent and delivery. All I ask is if they say it, they say it like they mean it.

I also don't mind being called sweetie or honey as long as it's because you haven't forgotten my real name. So many bigger dragons to slay than to get so hung up on this one word.

Thank you!!!!!

[Gadagirl]

No thanks needed! But thank you also!

[Sandero]

I find this thread basically nonsense so let me add to it! When I refer to my wife I use her name 99.9% of the time. She's not much of a sailor... but she's come with me because I am and was for decades before I met her. She's adapted remarkably well considering her landlubber nature. She tries to help doing things she can do and stays out of the way when I need space to run the boat. I prefer to sail with her than without her. And as we're a couple we make decisions together. It's my responsibility as skipper to take care of her, to make the boat safe and comfortable. If she's not comfortable physically and emotionally than I am not fulfilling my obligation as her husband/partner. Obviously I have to make decisions at times which she is not competent to make because of her lack experience. She respects my judgment in the cases. I have used the term *admiral* when referring to my wife with others... in the context that she is the executive and for example will decide if we depart or not. I've never referred to her as mate or similar. I don't think most cruisers are more macho and sexist than the non sailor types... probably less so. I don't take surveys and don't care. All I expect from other skippers is that they conduct themselves in a professional and seaman-like manner. But women tend to be more respectful of others in general. They smell lovely and insist on sleeping on sheets and having the boat smell pleasant. What's not to like?

[sailorboy1]

some people just seem so caught up in being upset by silly things, my wife prefers more formal titles when on the boat

Her Royal Highness She Who Shall Be Okayed While Fetching Sandwiches and Changing the CDs and Do You See That Lobster Float

[hoppy]

What is least patronising, "the admiral", "the wife in her infinite wisdom" or "the WIFE"??

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Gadagirl

I also don't mind being called sweetie or honey as long as it's because you haven't forgotten my real name.

I know someone who accidentally lived with a woman for 3 months and didn't know her name (after a surprisingly short time it does become kinda awkward to ask )......to be fair, lots of alcohol was involved (pretty much 24/7) on both sides and even when known her name was nigh on unpronounceable (furriners ). When she finally twigged that the term "Boss" was used as a name substitute and not simply as an endearment she did go kinda mental . So I am told . Women .

It is of course not funny - but used to show that "Admiral" not always so bad, at least when used by someone who also knows yer actual name..........

[vtsailguy]

Originally Posted by Rakuflames

Susan.

Lol. Too funny.

[Tony B]

OK here is my take.....
It's OK to call the male the Captain, but not OK to call the female the Admiral. Since most all other titles are below captain and Admiral, does this mean that most females admit to playing a subservient role? or do they just lack a sense of humor?
In my first post on this thread I made a statement something to the affect that the Captain may drive the boat but everyone knows who is in control. If we take this literally, I would sound like a wussy and my GF would be the bitch. In my case neither is true. Then again, we are not literal people. We actually have affectionate lighthearted things like the Admiral, which BTW, my GF thinks is both cute and funny. On the other hand neither one of us would refer to me as captain except when maybe I ask for a drink and she responds with a salute and a "Yes sir". Then we both laugh.
If she didn't like "Admiral" she would say so and I would quit doing it, just like anything else in a healthy relationship.

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by hoppy

What is least patronising, "the admiral", "the wife in her infinite wisdom" or "the WIFE"??

Whichever the woman YOU are married to thinks.

For me, I prefer "the wife." It states the facts without any embelllishments.

The wife in her infinite wisdom" is passive-aggressive (to me) although she may prefer to give a pass on it. I hope I would spot that kind of behavior before marriage ...

I wouldn't have said "my husband, in his infinite wisdom ...". I'd be laughing my ass off and saying "Guess what Frank did today ..." but I wouldn't get snide or sarcastic. I think we have to be most careful about nurturing the relationships close to us.

[Rakuflames]

Originally Posted by Tony B

OK here is my take.....
It's OK to call the male the Captain, but not OK to call the female the Admiral. Since most all other titles are below captain and Admiral, does this mean that most females admit to playing a subservient role? or do they just lack a sense of humor?
In my first post on this thread I made a statement something to the affect that the Captain may drive the boat but everyone knows who is in control. If we take this literally, I would sound like a wussy and my GF would be the bitch. In my case neither is true. Then again, we are not literal people. We actually have affectionate lighthearted things like the Admiral, which BTW, my GF thinks is both cute and funny. On the other hand neither one of us would refer to me as captain except when maybe I ask for a drink and she responds with a salute and a "Yes sir". Then we both laugh.
If she didn't like "Admiral" she would say so and I would quit doing it, just like anything else in a healthy relationship.

Maybe it would be best not to make sweeping judgments, given the varied responses.

If you say it in a truly affectionate way, with no passive-aggressiveness, sarcasm, etc., you can say just about anything.

[Rubyvee]

Originally Posted by David_Old_Jersey

Pink used to be a boys colour.

The History Of Pink For Girls, Blue For Boys

We want it back!

You can have it back! I HATE pink! My husband loves it.

[David_Old_Jersey]

Originally Posted by Rubyvee

You can have it back! I HATE pink! My husband loves it.

He is of course right .