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Old 06-07-2013, 17:30   #181
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by JennyWren View Post
Do you think it is a little different in your case, though, because you are sailing solo?

Most people commenting here aren't fussed about what couples choose to call each other and I think much of the problem for the women who don't like it (me included) is being called that by others who don't know you on the basis of assumptions about the female's role in relation to the male's. If you are on your own then people can't assume that the presence of a male defines your role. You're "it".

(Unless - as frequently happens to me in guitar shops as the staff don't register I just might be a customer - they assume you must have come in attached to a male who's just not in sight right now. )

Like the December I went into West Marine to buy my chart plotter, having just bought this boat a few weeks previously.

The salesman said, "And is this the model your husband wants?"

I just said yes. What was the point? Later I went in with questions and it all got worked out but it was my little private joke at the time.
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Old 06-07-2013, 18:14   #182
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Re: Admiral?

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Fine words upon a lee shore. Perhaps you fail to mention two equally qualified persons thinking as one in real time. Now not every thing is assholes and elbows but there isn't enough room for two capts.
I beg to differ. Most of our sailing takes place in California, which is about 700 nautical miles of pure lee shore. More to the point, we're very good at what we do. It's never "assholes and elbows" on our boat. Never. Indeed, it's been so many years since the last time we rounded up I'm not sure I remember how to make that happen. (And we had five sailing days in June when we saw at least 30 knots true.)

Amazing what two competent partners can accomplish when working as a team. Nobody screams, nobody feels the need to take control, no bras need to be burned...

...although I do love the smell of smoldering playtex.
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Old 06-07-2013, 18:21   #183
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Re: Admiral?

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I beg to differ. Most of our sailing takes place in California, which is about 700 nautical miles of pure lee shore. More to the point, we're very good at what we do. It's never "assholes and elbows" on our boat. Never. Indeed, it's been so many years since the last time we rounded up I'm not sure I remember how to make that happen. (And we had five sailing days in June when we saw at least 30 knots true.)

Amazing what two competent partners can accomplish when working as a team. Nobody screams, nobody feels the need to take control, no bras need to be burned...

...although I do love the smell of smoldering playtex.

That's right. If you work well together there's no need for a "pecking order."
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Old 06-07-2013, 18:34   #184
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by JennyWren View Post
Do you think it is a little different in your case, though, because you are sailing solo?
Hello JennyWren... seriously I don't much care what outsiders think of me. I'm comfortable in my own skin and think that comes naturally at a certain age (call me Vintage) ...

Without a doubt I am blessed to be out here and the title Admiral is merely play, much like the SSCA calls its member cruisers Commodores. Simply being out here is the best part -- the title doesn't count nearly as much as the experiences gained.

And Rakuflames, yes, I've been ignored in West ... perfectly understandable as I do not fit the demographic profile of a high-dollar-spending weekend water warrior. No biggie. HOWEVER, when I ask a question about location of a product invariably the clerk/salesman is helpful. It's how I'm treated after the interaction begins that counts.

Often salesmen assume men have a built in store of knowledge from years of tinkering with cars and such. I suppose men in fabric stores are generally thought to be with their wives not shopping for themselves. Same thing, different gender roles.

Life afloat is the best!
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Old 06-07-2013, 18:39   #185
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by Krogensailor View Post
Sweety, butter cup, honey bun's, and what if the 'buns' are the large kind, hmmm. Ball and chain, love of my life, Deary, my dear, my better half, her better half. MY wife. Possession. My old lady. Possession. The battleaxe, The swab y, The best thing that's ever happened to me, the worst thing that's ever happened to me! The list goes on into infinity. I know a couple that call each other nick names that should not be uttered in public. Are they bad, or lesser beings. No. They are who they are and they take each other as they are, warts and all. Could they be, do better. Sure. But if their happy why is it any of your business?
And therein lies the rub.....
I agree with you wholeheartedly - the way anyone addresses a partner is a private matter entirely between the two people concerned.

But, my dear, that's not what we are discussing. I doubt any men are calling their female partners "Admiral" when speaking to them. They are simply referring to them as such on CF. And as you can see by the majority of responses here, many females find that a patronising, if not plain offensive way of referring to women sailing.
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Old 06-07-2013, 18:55   #186
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by janice142 View Post
Hello JennyWren... seriously I don't much care what outsiders think of me. I'm comfortable in my own skin and think that comes naturally at a certain age (call me Vintage) ...

Without a doubt I am blessed to be out here and the title Admiral is merely play, much like the SSCA calls its member cruisers Commodores. Simply being out here is the best part -- the title doesn't count nearly as much as the experiences gained.

And Rakuflames, yes, I've been ignored in West ... perfectly understandable as I do not fit the demographic profile of a high-dollar-spending weekend water warrior. No biggie. HOWEVER, when I ask a question about location of a product invariably the clerk/salesman is helpful. It's how I'm treated after the interaction begins that counts.

Often salesmen assume men have a built in store of knowledge from years of tinkering with cars and such. I suppose men in fabric stores are generally thought to be with their wives not shopping for themselves. Same thing, different gender roles.

Life afloat is the best!

They ended up offering me a job, so it's all good. It's how it ends, not how it starts out.
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Old 06-07-2013, 19:39   #187
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by janice142 View Post
Hello JennyWren... seriously I don't much care what outsiders think of me. I'm comfortable in my own skin and think that comes naturally at a certain age (call me Vintage) ...

Without a doubt I am blessed to be out here and the title Admiral is merely play, much like the SSCA calls its member cruisers Commodores. Simply being out here is the best part -- the title doesn't count nearly as much as the experiences gained.
Yes, that comes through - and so am I. And as I note, no one uses the term where I am so it's not an issue for me, whether I care about it or not.

My point is that it is one thing for a solo sailor to call themselves "the admiral", and a slightly different one for people to call the female half of a couple "an admiral". That's a different matter to whether the so-called "admiral" cares about it, which is another thing again.

It doesn't matter in the greater scheme of things, the same way a mosquito bite doesn't compare to a broken leg. But it's still annoying for those who are annoyed by it.
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Old 06-07-2013, 19:47   #188
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Re: Admiral?

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My boat card says Admiral and I find nothing demeaning about the term.

It all came about because of a yard sale my dad went to many decades ago. He found a brass name plate which he installed on the front of his chair saying CAPTAIN. So, naturally mother went shopping and found a similar one that said ADMIRAL. Without a word she installed hers on her chair. It was fun and funny.

Obviously as the daughter, when I bought my own boat the only title that would work is Admiral. In the military the fault always is pegged to the top of the command chain and afloat, that's the Admiral. Any mistakes are mine and fixing them is my responsibility. Thus Admiral sums up the total responsibility that comes with being a soloist.

I like it, and when I see the men referring to their wives as Admiral it never occurred to me that there could be any rudeness involved. It seems respectful, in that they are checking with their mate regarding matters of the boat rather than arbitrarily deciding. And, it is not my business to decide what is proper between spouses.
A different and refreshing perspective.

I salute you Admiral.
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Old 06-07-2013, 19:58   #189
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Re: Admiral?

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My boat card says .
Can I momentarily hijack the topic to ask: What is a "boat card"?
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Old 06-07-2013, 20:05   #190
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by deepblueln View Post
Can I momentarily hijack the topic to ask: What is a "boat card"?
People get business-type cards printed up with their boat name, their names, contact info, etc. Many of them reflect their personalities and I think a bunch might have a capt/admiral program listed.
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Old 06-07-2013, 20:19   #191
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Re: Admiral?

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People get business-type cards printed up with their boat name, their names, contact info, etc. Many of them reflect their personalities and I think a bunch might have a capt/admiral program listed.
Got it Pretty good idea for people always on the move!

OK, sorry for the interruption, we now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
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Old 06-07-2013, 22:27   #192
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by Seaworthy Lass View Post
.

But, my dear, that's not what we are discussing. I doubt any men are calling their female partners "Admiral" when speaking to them. They are simply referring to them as such on CF. And as you can see by the majority of responses here, many females find that a patronising, if not plain offensive way of referring to women sailing.
That's a valid point. I've always found 'The Admiral' patronizing... a kind of nautical "My better half". It seems just as insincere.

When Sandy joined CF she hated all this admiral stuff so much she went to the other extreme and called herself "Deckscrubber". But I've never used that name, although she does a brilliant job, and of the rest of the boat too.

As a matter of interest, I'd bet a few beers there are not many, or any members here who know where SWMBO comes from... googling not allowed!
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Old 06-07-2013, 22:29   #193
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Re: Admiral?

I have no problem with you calling your wife names. That's your business.

"I'm only stating MY preference, and my preference is not to be called names by someone who is supposed to care about me. __________________"

And I support you 100%! You tell him exactly what you want , and when and how. But please leave me and mine out of it. And you can't have it both ways. That little cutie of an avatar you have , is incongruous with this rant. Live and let live.

And those Navy guy's,, they say that a carrier leaves the dock with 5 thousand sailors and come back with 2500 couples. (just kidding) If they could fit that many in an airplane the same might be true for the Airforce.
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Old 06-07-2013, 23:07   #194
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Re: Admiral?

OK, so I've been told that "Admiral" is unacceptable by 100% of the women aboard our boat, but no alternative has been given.

So please, what is acceptable?
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Old 06-07-2013, 23:31   #195
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I am not particularly find of the term Admiral either. It depends on the intent. My husband respects me and my sailing skills-I am more agile on deck, better & more willing to go in the water & I love to go up the mast... and I'm not afraid of working on the head. He is the navigator, can fix engine & electronics and has more sailing experience.

He would never call me any names that were demeaning. We do call each other things in humor (both agree on that) but that's our sense of humor It's never mean spirited (if he ever did, it would be "Admiral, throw me the life ring!" Please don't hang me- I was just joking!!! )

We all have strengths here on CF too. I tend to think outside the box-which has solved many of our boat problems even if I wasn't an expert in the topic. I enjoy seeing a topic from so many perspectives.
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