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Old 04-07-2013, 20:15   #136
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I really don't think this term is used on board in real life , its a written term like SWMBO ,( ball and chain etc) its meant as light hearted etc)

On board a yacht , only idiots go around calling anyone captain , admiral , 1st mate , I mean these are all earned professional titles that none of us have the right to use. skipper is about the only one used and that's who is in overall control of the yacht at the time in question , everyone else is crew.

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Old 04-07-2013, 20:16   #137
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Re: Admiral?

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Originally Posted by jgbrown View Post
It's far fewer days when most are between 12-18 hours, 7 days a week too. Longest this month was 23.5 hours one day and back at it in 3 hours for another long day, lol. Got him off the dock for the weekend though!
Not everyone is as understanding as you are about getting things done on their boat. I wish they were!

I'd be happy to sail around on any other person's boat that I wasn't fixing for a bit. I'd call them captain, admiral or president at that point lol.

And I would offer the helm to you for at least part of the trip, all of the trip if I was in a position to be sailing a lot ... not an option for me lately but if I worked it out you'd be more than welcome, unless you called me admiral. then you'd find salt in your coffee.
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Old 04-07-2013, 20:20   #138
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Re: Admiral?

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The hubby and I fall into the Mike O. and Bash approach to sailing/living -- we are equal partners in all, but defer to the helm for the 'in the moment' situations. If the 'in the moment' decision didn't quite work out, we wait until the next day to discuss it and the other options we might have had and learn from our mistake. We worked all of this out years ago by running a very successful firm together.

When it comes to chores/jobs on the boat, we both share the work -- but we each have our strengths and compliment each other. I don't really understand electrical/electronic stuff, but I am a great plumber (I have a joker valve to replace in the near future)! I'm better on deck (better balance) and better in the water (more comfortable) so those types of chores fall to me. I've turned into a little weather nerd, while he is a great navigator. I am terrified of bringing the boat into a dock. While he is terrified of having to pick up a mooring. I am the one that checks us into countries because I am the better 'people' person and have infinitely more patience.

While we have been out here, I have heard husbands (of our generation) refer to their wives as admirals. Most times it was with much affection. However, there were a few in which it was used in very disparaging terms. While I was getting riled up in the wife's defense, I realized she had her way of dealing with it and she didn't need me getting in the middle of it.

In all of this, I feel you have to keep your sense of humor and not take one's self to seriously. When dealing with people, I learned years ago to adapt and switch it up, if a client wanted to deal with a man (but the particular project was in my area of expertise) Barry met with the client while I did all of the work behind the scenes (and vice versa). Simple, no muss, no fuss and the goal was achieved. We have carried this philosophy/practice into our sailing life -- it works for us.

Robyn
Sure, but BOTH people have to keep their senses of humor and not come up with snide nicknames for the other that mask the view that that other person is bossy or must be placated or something.

And the real planners in the Army are the sargeant majors. I forget what the equivalent rank is in the Navy but it's not "admiral."

Yes, one person has to make the calls, but if you're both good sailors, there won't be much second-guessing.

If a term is offensive, the person using it has just sucked the humor out of the room.
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Old 04-07-2013, 20:25   #139
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Re: Admiral?

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Old 04-07-2013, 21:07   #140
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Originally Posted by Rakuflames View Post

Sure, but BOTH people have to keep their senses of humor and not come up with snide nicknames for the other that mask the view that that other person is bossy or must be placated or something.

And the real planners in the Army are the sargeant majors. I forget what the equivalent rank is in the Navy but it's not "admiral."

Yes, one person has to make the calls, but if you're both good sailors, there won't be much second-guessing.

If a term is offensive, the person using it has just sucked the humor out of the room.
I guess I forgot to mention I call him Barry and he calls me Robyn. We are a partnership and each of us respects the other, we have never used 'snide nicknames' -- unless, of course, you think of me being called 'the plumber' and him being 'the electrician' as snide.

You don't get it, there is a lot in life we could take offense at if we choose, but why take on that aggravation? If some guy wants to talk to Barry (instead of me) about installing a toilet or fuel tank, what do I care? I know I can do it and Barry can give him 50-60% of the info he is after -- if he can't finish the job, well that is his problem for not talking to the right person!

Life is too short to get caught up in these stupid things. If another man referred to me as the Admiral on my boat, I would just smile and agree -- I would not waste my time trying to figure out if it was a compliment or insult (because could go either way). It is what Barry thinks that is important to me and he views me as his equal and his partner.

I owned/ran my firm in Utah when there were only four women-owned firms (architecture) in the State (not Mormon bashing, but very male dominated culture). I learned how to play with the boys and be respected by the boys at the same time. The same applies here.

Robyn
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Old 04-07-2013, 21:09   #141
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Re: Admiral?

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I think we need some balance here. Are there any males on the forum who's significant other is the captain? How do they feel about the term?
As I said wayyyy back up there somewhere in the thread...

My wife is the Captain a'board our ship. Works for us.

I occasionally get referred to by the Captain as "Commodore" - usually over sun-downers when others bandy about the term "Admiral".

How do I "feel" about it? I think it's funny. Guess it helps to understand her Bavarian-German sense of humor.

What's important - to me, anyway - is the clear understanding of who makes the final decision in times of crisis, especially when there might be two (or more) options. Discuss, yes, if time permits. But somebody ultimately must make the decision, own it, and have that decision obeyed (if you will).

There can be only one Captain a'board ship - contrary to what I've heard from other cruising couples. Each person will have their own levels of experience, expertise, etc., and BOTH the husband and wife may have (as in our case) a Captain's License. But when the proverbial hits the fan, somebody must decide; somebody must acquiesce. Regardless of what's said in harbour, the person who makes that decision is the real Captain. For better or worse.

For the 2nd person... Admiral? Commodore? First Mate? Eye Candy? Swab? Partner? Better Half? Whatever works for you and yours...
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Old 04-07-2013, 21:10   #142
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I charter a lot. In the not too distant future I would like to live aboard. But for now we charter in as many different places as possible to gain experience. I did some work on the east coast and so was able to build up my chartering resume fairly quickly so I'm always the "captain, legally responsibly for the chartered boat. My husband, over the years, has become as good as I am. Anyway, point of this story is that every dang time even though I set everything up and send in my résumé, they always talk to him. He loves to say "She's the captain..." Just to see the look on their faces. LOL. We pretty much stick with Honey and Honey Bun.
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Old 04-07-2013, 21:13   #143
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Re: Admiral?

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I'm sorry, but it only matters how the woman being called that name feels about it. If I call Joe over there a jerk but he likes it, it's OK. But if Joe doesn't like it and i like Joe, I should shut my pie hole.

I think one of the most difficult things about marriage is when the partner does something that's actually a little hurtful, but he -- or she -- thinks it's cute or something, and won't give it up. But this one would be a sticking point with me. Every time a man calls his wife the "admiral," he's saying she's bossy and must be appeased even though he has the "real" knowledge.

That's what has been said here by the men in favor of using the term. I'm starting to think of it as the "a" word.
I think many are overtly sensitive. Myself a flawed male may I am sure may well have said things without thinking that could be construed as hurtful in ignorance.
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Old 04-07-2013, 21:15   #144
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Re: Admiral?

Original comment deleted by self. 'Twas not helpful.
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Old 04-07-2013, 21:17   #145
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Re: Admiral?

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We pretty much stick with Honey and Honey Bun.
I like that!
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Old 04-07-2013, 22:15   #146
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Hi Folks... its been brought to my notice that I got a bit offensive last night on here... must have been blitzed... as.. to be honest, I don't remember posting anything after I got back from my late supper, beers and Blue Label Vodka..
Been quite a while since my last 'binge blackout'...
Anyway... my sincere apologies to those I offended in this and possibly other threads last night..

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Old 04-07-2013, 23:17   #147
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Re: Admiral?

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OK, I am burning my second bra on CF since joining (in fact, second one ever). I will run out of bras rapidly at this rate, but on the up side it may clear some space on board for more shoes .

Nine females have responded on this thread.
Only two stated that they are OK with the term "admiral"
One was unclear.

Responses from 6 (the rest) were:
"Plain patronising"
"Can't stand it. Always looks demeaning"
"It's patronizing and offensive"
"I find the term offensive"
"I don't appreciate the term"
"It is patronising"
'Nuther female here.

Really dislike it.

We too manage to sail without feeling the need to "label" each other, humourously or otherwise.

I wouldn't take offence if I were called that with no intent to offend or be overtly sexist, but would (gently) say I'd prefer not be be referred to as such. I'd then expect not to be called that again, just as I do not expect people to continue shortening my Christian name after I nicely ask them to use my full name.

That said, no one uses the term in my part of the world that I know of.
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Old 04-07-2013, 23:32   #148
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Re: Admiral?

I've always preferred the Merchant Navy's "Master" rather than "Captain" or "Skipper". Too much like Captain of the Heads!

Jean likes being referred to as She Who Must Be Obeyed, she reckons it commands respect.

The expression SWMBO comes from a Rider Haggard novel, via Rumpole of the Bailey by John Mortimer.
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Old 04-07-2013, 23:53   #149
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Re: Admiral?

Minor correction, in the Merchant Marine the captain is referred to as "the old man", at least on all the ships I served on.
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Old 05-07-2013, 00:20   #150
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Re: Admiral?

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That's a "fact" I'll have to dispute. We don't have a captain/crew system on our boat, having long ago decided that the concept of captain is archaic when applied to our situation. We're not a navy ship, and we don't rely on patriarchy to keep order.

My partner is neither above or below me, at least in terms of rank. Rather, my partner is a partner. The boat is owned in partnership, and decisions are based upon a consensus of both partners.

If you envision one partner as outranking the other, you may need to rethink the concept of partner.
Fine words upon a lee shore. Perhaps you fail to mention two equally qualified persons thinking as one in real time. Now not every thing is assholes and elbows but there isn't enough room for two capts.
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